CONFESSION
Reading about Pam's "confession" took me back to a time not so long ago. If you've lurked in my archives, you'll know what I mean. I only wish now I have the same courage as Pam.
I spent hours talking with this friend. We spent so much time together. He might not know it, but he saved me. I didn't know it then, but he coloured a life that has become black with bitterness and pain.
We have since parted ways due to some ironic twist of fate. But I emailed him a few weeks back, intending to apologize for reacting the way I did to the circumstances we suddenly found ourselves in. He never replied back. And I understand. I told him at least now we no longer have to wonder what will happen to us when I leave. The gods took care of it for us. Telling someone you're glad the way things turned out because now you no longer miss him the way you thought you would doesn't exactly sound apologetic. I'm proud and dumb that way.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I told him that I loved him. Because I did. I guess I will never know the answer now. It's true what they say --- you have to say it when the moment comes because once it passes by, it's gone forever.
I'm not going to beat myself up about it. He had his chance, too. But I guess neither of us were brave enough to say it out loud. I don't think we really understood what we had. Just that it was something good. And I guess we were never meant to end up in a romantic relationship. And that would have been fine with me. I would rather have him still in my life as a friend than lose him forever. But of course, happy endings are hard to come by..
Hey, YOU. I know that things will never go back to the way they used to be. And I don't know if our paths will ever cross again. But I hope you know that you were important to me. You still are. Email me sometime, will you? I miss you.