GIRLS NIGHT OUT
For the longest time, I've survived this male-dominated work environment by acting like "one of the boys" most of the time.. It's fun for the most part - you get to play and make a kill, much like playing paintball with them. But it gets tiring after while.. How many times would you really want to sleep in the same bed with five other people trying to outsnore each other? How many times do you really want to engage in drink till you drop contest with them, where the winner is the one who pukes the last or least? Yes, I can enjoy talking about gadgets, and NBA/baseball games, cars.. but I also like to talk about shopping and shoes and hair..

So it was that three Americans, one Norwegian, one Costa Rican, one Malaysian and one Pinay got together and talked about how taxing it is to keep up in this man's world, or how it is working in a nerd's haven. We talked about clothes, hair and shopping. Oh, and crushes, too. We gossiped out our male counterparts, and how, specially in my team, they are mostly 30something singles.. I never expected to hit it off with female officemates, from different functional teams or cultures. But I guess, when we leave the workplace, our competitive and tough personas take a backseat, and we go out into the night wearing our party girls' hats..

Yes, we women engineers can be as tough as your next guy engineer. We can push around heavy tools or make programs , and gasp!, ogle at the newly leased digital sampling oscilloscope with really cool features! But, we're little ladies as well, who want to drink wine instead of beer once in a while, giggle like teenagers while talking about the boys around us who sometimes make our world so much harder, but makes it fun, nonetheless.

==============================
UPPERS
* One of the engineers told me she was so excited to meet me because one of the guys I used to work with told her that when I was here a couple of years ago, the male engineers usually stop and look everytime I passed by. Apparently, I made quite a stir with my team back then. Ay, kilig naman ako. Feeling ko tuloy ang ganda ko.. Hehe.. But reality check: I was one of the only three girls in a team of about 35. That really didn't leave them males much choice. Heh.

* Mr. E is so sweet.. He said being with someone makes you high.. He's so right :)

NOT-QUITE-DOWNER
* It's been so friggin' cold the last two days.. Windy and cold. A very bad combination.. Mornings are usually below 40's now.. But, I'm still in heaven.. Basta. :p

TODAY

Today I want to live for the moment
Forget what's right and wrong
And just follow my gut

Today I want to throw away
Things that I believe in
In the pursuit of something fleeting

Today I want to stop thinking
About consequences, and the future
And just wallow in the moment's bliss

Today I want to stop wondering
Why wrong people come at the right time
And just be lost in the arms of this one wrong person

Today I wish there were no but's
No because's or what if's
Today I just want to do and to act in complete abandon

Today I wish that I can be foolish
And not have to bear the scars
Or the guilt and turmoil tomorrow

Because today I want to hold and be held
To love and be loved
Just for today, because today is all we have...

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

... when you wish someone a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"?

For me it means,

- Hey, you've turned a year older, and for a few months I can call you "Ate" :)
- Please God, continue to bless my friend with goodness, prosperity and health. She deserves it.
- I thank the high heavens that our paths have crossed. We have known each other since grade school. You have seen almost all versions of me, if not all, and yet you continue to love me. You were understanding and tolerant of me through my bratty days, supportive during my dazed and confused moments, and you've been there, no matter what. I am so blessed that our passion for writing brought us together back then, and though we had countless fights and even "break-ups" along the way, I am happy that now, after 17 years, you're still there.
- I'm happy for the many more years that will come, because it means that I will continue to have your friendship and love, one that is tolerant and understanding, but never condescending...
- You have always been a source of inspiration for me. I've always known, you are one of those few who were born to lead, and succeed. I admire your courage and strength. Who else can pull off switching careers, and making it big in either choice? You inspired me to "write" again, in the process allowed me to get in touch with the passions that made me remember who I really am. Even if I'm content with my career now, and to the unsuspecting observer, I might even seem successful, I know that this is not what I want. I love the arts not codes. I love people not machines. Granted I'm still here, but because of you, I've started to rethink my future goals and plans. Yup, you've definitely stirred up thoughts I was too afraid to think about...
- I love you Fudzy. Words are never quite enough to let you know I'm so lucky to have a friend such as you...

MOVIES, ANYONE?

Drift - This is one of those indie movies you don't expect to find but glad you did... Story is about two gay men and one of them broke off their long-term relationship (5 years?) because he thought he met his "soulmate". The movie takes on three different possible scenarios after this event and all paths was perfectly laid out. I liked the realism and the fact that despite the director's claim that he was only intending to reach the gay audience, the plot really transcended beyond that and yes, I could relate to the main character's dilemma. Sometimes, when we're in a long term relationship, we tend to forget what brought us together in the first place and we go look somewhere else for that visceral connection, that passion.. And I believe that. Never compromise passion for comfort. Never settle. But then again, sometimes, the one we're looking for, was right in front of us all the time.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - I can't believe I waited this long to watch this. OMG! I was so enchanted by this film. Beautiful score and cinematography. Adventure and romance - a very good combination. And I've never scene a love scene so sensual yet the characters still had all their clothes on. Galeng! Granted some of the lines where kinda cheesy, but then, I love cheesy :) This definitely goes to my all-time favorite movie list. Plus Zhang Zi Yi was so effective as a seemingly "meek" lady on the outside but really possessed such power and prowess inside. Girl power, right there. And I like to think I'm a crouching tiger, hidden dragon myself.

p.s. Zhang's love interest "Lo" (Chang Chen) kinda looks like Mr. T. Heh.

Life As A House- This one is a tear-jerker. Wonderful cast - Kevin Kline, Kristin Scott Thomas, Hayden Christensen (yes, Anakin!), Jena Malone.. The movie is about a man who has hit rock bottom - divorced, lost his job, drug addict son.. And then he learns he was dying, so he decided to pursue his lifelong dream of building a house (he's an architect), and along the way, he rebuilds his relationships and ultimately his life. It's poignant and touching, and has that realism that affects anyone who has lived through pain and happiness, and anyone who has loved someone so much until it hurts.

p.s. Hayden is so good in this film. He will definitely shine beyond Star Wars.

SURVEY*
*hehe.. killing time kse i'm in a phone meeting. boring. no technical discussions so pwedeng di makinig... bad.

via Unica

What feature do you find the most attractive on others? Wit
Would you marry for money? No
Have you had braces? No
Do you pluck your eyebrows? No - I don't know how.
Do you ever cut or hurt yourself? No
Could you live without a computer? No. But I'm trying. And so far, I've gone one week where I didn't open my laptop before bedtime. I leave all work in the office.
If you could live in any past time period, which would it be? 1960s - I watched Oliver Stone's "The Doors" and man, I'd like to be "free" like that..
Do you drink enough water? I don't think so.
Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off? Fluffy slippers :)
What is your favorite fruit? Mango
What is your favorite place to visit? I can't choose one.. Dami.. Love the beach.. some non-touristy place like Malapascua
What is the last movie you saw? In the theatre - I think XXX pa.. Nyek, tagal na.. DVDs - dami. The last one I saw was Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
Are you photogenic? No
Do you dream in color or black and white? black and white, actually, just black kase everything is so hazy..
Are you wearing fingernail polish? Right now, yeah, light blue :)
Why do you take surveys? For the most part, it brings lovely thoughts :)
Do you drink alcohol? Hahahaha
Did you like or do you like high school? Best years of my life. Not really, but I had fun.
What is the most beautiful language? I dunno. I only know a few, but French sounds interesting.
When you are asleep do you like being kissed awake? Yes. : )
Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most? Sunset (I never wake up early enough to catch sunrises)
Do you want to live to be 100? NO! I want to die young
Do you think women should be expected to shave their body hair? No. But then I don't have much hair so I'm not sure.
Is a flat stomach important to you? Yeah but then...
Do you or have you played with a ouija board? No
Are you tolerant of other people's beliefs? Yup except for extremist beliefs
When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? off
Do you believe in magic? No
Do you think you can draw well? No
Do you like to watch cartoons? Not anymore. I sometimes watch Kim Possible. Techie girl power :)
At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real? I think I was 8 or 9. My sisters and I faked our mandatory Christmas eve afternoon naps, and we saw our dad come in to fill the socks near our beds..
Do you write poetry? I used to.
Do you snore? Sometimes.
Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides? Most of the time, I curl sideways.
Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? I don't like pets because they scare me.
Are you basically a happy person? Yeah
Are you tired? Super
Did you drink anything with caffeine in it today? Two cups of coffee, 1 diet coke. So far.
Have you ever met anyone off the internet? Yeah but it was like a group EB thingy
How many phones do you have in your house? two but same line.
How long is your hair? about 5-7 inches below my shoulder
Do you get along with your parents? Yes, but then I rarely see them.

BLOGVERSARY

Hhmm.. I've been blogging for a year na pala and I hardly noticed. Things were so different then. I had just come back from a trip with my barkada - Petite and Laryang. We spent a lot of time reflecting on our lives in Malapascua Island. We talked about career choices, relationships... I felt like it's time to start afresh. Look away from my past and face what the future brought (in my case, a few career opportunities + school).

It's really true that change is so constant that you sometimes hardly notice it, not until the change is so profound or disturbing or amazing. Now both my friends are engaged, I ended up taking this assigment and leaving school (temporarily, I hope), and even if I've waited all of my life to sponsor showers for my friends (I'd always known I'd marry late.. I feel like I'm the eternal single girl.. hehe), instead, I'm going to miss not one but two important milestones!

So I guess, after feeling like I wanted to stop blogging permanently a couple of times, I'm still here, and probably will still continue to blog for a while..

=========================
Has Lille said her permanent goodbyes? Aww. But, have a good one! :)

SLEEP DEPRIVED
While I don't think I really have to have 8 hours of sleep, I do look forward to nights where I can close my eyes and drift off to sleep easy. Like most people. I think I have intermittent insomnia. The symptoms are all there: difficulty falling asleep, waking up at odd hours in the morning and more difficulty getting back to sleep, restlessness.. I've had it for quite some time now. And it has been bothering me because my work starts at 7AM (Phils.) (here it's 8AM)..

Nothing I've tried so far works. I tried counting sheep, drinking milk (cold, though, so time to heat it up), taking melatonin supplements.. I've also done the drink alcohol part but I guess that's bad because it makes you wake up in between sleep. I'm seriously thinking about seeing a doctor about this. It has been affecting my work. And because of the added pressure of making an impression here (or keeping that good impression going), I don't want to screw it up by showing up to work at 9AM. Not only that, it takes me a while before everything kicks in. My morning starts really slow, with a big headache at that, and for a few minutes/hours, my mind just refuses to function well...

Did some research, and I'll try doing the treatments they recommend. Will not ingest more than 2 cups of coffee per day, I will limit my alcohol intake to 1 beer/night or nothing, I will not smoke before going to sleep.. I will try to take a walk before bed time. Have sex.. este, well, ok, that I can't do, really.. hehe..

I just can't have any of this spacing out episodes at work anymore. I mean, today, I opened my drawer to get my car keys. Walked, then went back to put my medicines inside, and somehow replaced the keys. When I got to the parking lot (to go out for lunch), of course I discover I didn't have my keys, so I had to walk back upstairs, blog, and I'll get lunch afterwards. I'll see if everything gets better in a week or so. If not, I'll go see if the doctor is in.

STALKER TALK

Being stalked makes you paranoid and wary about the people in general. But once you find out your stalker is lurking somewhere in your workplace, it makes it all the more scary. I once was too naive to think that since the company I work in has very high intellectual and moral hiring standards, I was not going to run in to this very primitive behaviour.

Until of course I became a victim of stalking. That all happened about 2 years ago. Because of all this technology, it has become easy for someone to invade another's personal space and privacy. Let's call my stalker Moron. Until now, I don't know who this person really is.

Moron began with sending me messages on my pager. Yes, back then, pagers were still existent. In the Philippines we've always used the alpha-numeric types, and though the common way is to call the paging company and have them relay the messages to the owner, web-based paging was also available. There was no user-verification necessary, and anyone who knows your pager number can send you messages and not have to identify themselves.

Initially, Moron sent seemingly harmless, anonymous pages. "I saw you today. You looked beautiful.." "I like your blue dress".. But even then, I tried to get in touch with the web administrators and asked if they can tell me who sent the messages. I was told they had no way of knowing. So I let it go. But then Moron started sending more obscene messages - like saying he liked my black undies (Eeek - I dare not think how he found out, that pig!) and started making references to my anatomy.. Of course, then, I spent most of my life inside the office, so if this AH (asshole) knew what I was wearing and would send me messages during the day, he had to be in that same office.

Oftentimes, stalking victims think that it's somehow their fault that the stalker took notice of them. At some point, I had thought so. In fact, I almost listened to a friend's advice to stop wearing skirts to work, and stop wearing black undies. The hell!

Luckily, I relocated to OR on assignment. I thought I had heard the last from Moron. But just a few months later, I started to receive anonymous emails. Needless to say, they were bordering on the obscene. I again tried to check with the emailing service, but since it was not an ISP provider, they also had no way of tracing who the AH was. He used bogus accounts in Yehey and Manila.net, which both provided free email service. I really didn't (and still don't) know if it was the same person from back home. It was kinda absurd to think that the stalker would "follow me" half the world with his obscenities. But it was also a huge coincidence if I was stalked by two people within a few months.

Since I knew I was in a practically losing battle, since I had no way of knowing who he really was, I just continued to ignore his emails. Then I started dating someone in OR, and naturally, spent a lot of time with him and sometimes hang out in his apartment. Suddenly, Moron started mentioning my boyfriend's name AND apartment number in his emails. That made me fuming mad. Whoever Moron was, he was definitely someone I knew and someone who knew me well enough to know who I dated and where we went. And then, I also feared for my safety. What is he tries to physically harm me?

I did some research and found that stalkers are most likely to be someone you know, and who is in close proximity with you. Apparently, they get their fix when they see your reaction firsthand. I guess they are most happy when they're being invasive but with them being in a comfortable distance. Aside from observing your reaction from afar, getting some sort of response from you just excites them even more. I made a mistake by "pleading" with him and asking him to stop bothering me. He didn't.

I eventually told my boyfriend about this Moron. I figured he could probably help me deal with Moron in one way or another. I forwarded one of the emails where the boyfriend's name was dropped, and he replied to the Moron, bluffing him and saying he has all the information he needed and we would contact HR if did not stop harassing me.

And the moron, the bastard, the coward did stop. And despite an advice from a colleague, I did not contact HR. But I know I should have. Back then, I just didn't want to go through all the hassles involved. But by not reporting cases like this, we are actually making the people who are supposed to look out for us feel that everything is cool and safe.Besides, who knows who he's terrorizing now?

To this day, I wonder if any of the people I smile at is actually Moron. And I shudder at the thought. But of course, I have moved on. The last thing I want is to give him victory by feeling terrorized. He stalked the wrong girl.

Just today, I learned that one of my officemates got a post-it with a computer-printed obscene message. "I want to have sex with you". Sounded very familiar. It has only happened once (to-date) but once is friggin' enough. I adviced her to go down the path that I didn't go to. This time, I wanna at least help make it right.

I don't know what kind of actions we can take against stalkers since more often than not, technology can keep them in the cloak of anonymity. I think the best way to deal with them is to let them know that you can go on living a normal life and not let them terrorize you. And definitely, escalate to appropriate authorities.

KABABAWAN UPDATES
Nothing important happened today. I have no angst, or any particular highs I can write about (I'm sure sawa na kayo sa skydiving stories ko.. hehehe..). But I do feel like posting something. Just because this has been a tiring day, and I needed to look at something besides codes and flow and schedule and cost issues..

Mr. M made another one of his daily trips to my cube. I told him my instant messages to him keep bouncing back to me. He said he did receive one message from me which said "How come I can't send you messages?". Yeah. Out of all the messages that returned to me, that was the one that went through. Nye. Then I hear Mr. T, a.k.a. cube neighbor laughing hysterically (in his cube, which means I'm not the only eavesdropper here..) as if to mock me and say - that was kinda a dumb thing to say. I gave Mr. M a face which said "What is wrong with him?? And why is he even laughing when clearly he is not part of our conversation?". To this, Mr. M loudly answered - "Mr. T is not laughing AT you. He is laughing WITH you. Mr. T likes you. And you like him."

Oops. I almost choked on that last statement. Guilty as charged. Hehe. But leave it to Mr. T to kill the moment right there. He answered back "I didn't say that!". Then laughs again. Said like your average teenage kid who claims girls hate him.

Hmp! :D

==================
p.s. Sometimes I really find it quite odd that managers/team leaders and in their late 20's/early 30's at that, engage in such childish/teenage banter like this.. In the office nonetheless. Hope nobody alerts the VP's.

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS - Behind the Scenes

*Pre-production Notes*

INTERVIEW WITH THE LEAD
Interviewer: What is this movie all about?
Me: This is a 10-minute documentary of a girl, who will take a ride to the sky, 12,000 ft above the ground, then take a leap.
Interviewer: What made you decide to make this film?
Me: I don't know, really. This idea was just sprung to me by a friend a few weeks ago. Out of the blue. It has never even crossed my mind prior to that. I was non-committal at first, and then I just figured, this is something I had to do. To symbolize all the things that I chose not to do, because of some fear, baseless or otherwise.

FILM BIO
Cast:
Me - She is not really a daredevil but she possesses an adventurous spirit, and a zest for life which she keeps rediscovering, experience after experience
"Kirk" - He is her tandem instructor. But more than that, he plays a pivotal role in the creating an awareness in the lead character's life, whether he intended to or not. He is our accidental hero.
"Roy" - This is Me's officemate who unintentionally made her decide on the spot to make the jump. They were just casually discussing this in the parking lot during a company fire drill, and the next thing she knew, he asked her help to make the arrangements for the jump the following day.

Location: The film was shot at Hobby Field, Creswell, Oregon. This is where the Eugene Skydivers are based. It was also shot during a perfect day - 70C, and very clear skies. And the Ducks, college football heroes of the University of Oregon, were playing that day, accentuating the fervor and energy of that day.

*Production Notes*

STORY
Roy and Me arrive at the location around 1PM. The day was absolutely marvelous, and couldn't have been more perfect for the jump. Kevin, one of the tandem instructors teach Me and Roy the stunts, otherwise collectively known as tandem jump. Kevin taught them how to make sit on the door of the plane, with arms crossed, and left leg hanging in the air. He showed them to jump sideways, then make an arch, head looking up toward the sky, as soon as they're making the freefall. The freefall will last about 30-40s, then the instructor showed them both how to pull the ripcord from the side, to open the parachute. The tandem instructor jumping with them will make a pointing signal to the right to indicate it's time. They were also taught how to land. Slide to break the fall.

Me and Roy each went to their tandem partners. Kirk hooked Me up in a harness. They were going to be connected to each other in four places. Not long after it was time to ride the plane. Kirk scooted towards the end of the seat, Me sitting in front of him, striding the seat, sitting up against his lap. There were a couple more tandems and four AFF (accelerated free fall) jumpers. The plane began to circle the ground then slowly made it's ascent.. At 5,000 ft, the seat belts were removed and Kirk showed Me the spectacular view below. It was a nice view of the Willamette Valley. Kirk showed Me the University of Oregon (home of the Ducks) track.. Later, he attaches his and her harnesses together. After about 20 mins on the plane, at 10,000ft, Kirk told Me to get ready, wear her helmet and goggles, checked the harnesses once again, and ensure the ripcord was in place. He told Me to take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. At 12,000ft, the other jumpers began to jump out of the plane, one after the other, without ado. Everything was happening too fast. The director was urging Kirk and Me to scoot down the seat faster, and after counting to three, they make the jump, and fall out of the plane..

Me screamed her lungs out. Not really understanding what she had to do, all the 30 mins stunt instructor's training flying out of her mind as she fell.. 120mph.. She felt the pressure of the wind against her face, her body. She forgets to look up to the sky, instead looked down below her, terrified by the seeming feeling that she was crashing into the earth, but awed by what she saw. The vision of the ground below her moving towards her. And then she smiles, because she is flying! She is riding with the wind, against it. She was up in the sky. To the people below, she was but a tiny speck. But to her, to world below her looked even smaller.. And as it got bigger and bigger, she knew that this jump was the best one she has ever made. There is simply nothing like it. They say chocolate is better than sex. Well this one beats chocolate. A million times more.

Me was so busy looking down at the world, she completely misses the director's signals to grab her hands and smile to the camera. Meanwhile Kirk tried to bob her head up. But she had not a care in the world. In those 40 seconds, she wanted to feel and understand the sensations.. In those precious moments, the others with her ceased to exist. And she also missed Kirk's signal to open the chute..

And by the time she realized that Kirk was frantically signalling to her, she suddenly panicked and refused to pull the cord. Of course, Kirk did it himself eventually. And then they were both gliding in the air. Kirk showed her the valley, this time, as they approached the ground. He showed her a herd of cows.. the lambs.. the river.. He showed her the mountains, and the highways below her.. They made 360 turns, half turns.. He gave her control of the chute.. She was not only on top of the world. She was above it. For a few minutes, that would change her life forever.

Me: Now I understand why you do this for a hobby...
Kirk: People don't skydive because they're too scared, but they're missing out in seeing all this. Wonderful, isn't it?
Me: It's more than wonderful.. I could stay up here forever. Now I envy the birds.. This is what they get to see every single day.

As soon as they landed on the ground, Me was still in heaven.

*Post-production Notes*

SOUNDTRACK (as narrated by Me)
Crash Into Me - by Dave Mathews band.. I chose this song because I felt like I was crashing into the world below me. And it was a good feeling.
Nothing Else Matters - by Metallica. A friend of mine gave me a copy of this song a couple of years ago. And I fell in love with the song.. When there's beauty and love, nothing else matters..

INTERVIEW WITH THE CAST
Interviewer: What kind of movie is this?
Kirk: Well, it really is a combination of sorts.. It has romance, and it has one particularly hilarious scene - the one where Me just refused to pull the cord. My finger was right in front of her face and she couldn't see it. When she did see it, she just didn't wanna pull it.. We were both laughing so hard when we talked about it while gliding down.
Roy: Yeah, it also has some brief nudity. Actually, Me showed some skin when the chute opened. Oh, but there's no sexuality in that scene, it added more comedic effect to that scene, actually.
Me: Need to talk to the costume director. Next time, I'm wearing a jumpsuit. And I'll definitely get rid of that unflattering helmet. The director also thought I should work my abs out better.. And I agree. :D
Interviewer: Romance?
Kirk: There is nothing more poetic or romantic than being up in the sky, wind blowing to your faces while you look down at the beauty below you..
Me: Yeah, that was my most romantic experience. I will marry the guy who will take me with him to the sky and who'll jump out of the plane with me..
Interviewer: Did you develop an affair while filming the movie?
Me: No.. But I did feel at one point, that I fell in love with my co-lead.... Fleeting, but it was there.. The way he showed me all the beauty below us cannot be compared with any candlelight dinners... He literally helped me take that leap that has opened up my eyes to feelings and beauty I've never imagined!
Interviewer: What were the lessons you learned in that movie? Or lessons you want to impart to the viewers?
Kirk: Life is an adventure. Don't let fear paralyze you, there's so much beauty to see if you only allow yourself to see it.
Roy: If you take two consecutive 360 turns, it will make you dizzy. Seriously, some things are best done if you don't think about it too much. The more you analyze, the more fearful you become. And skydiving is not really an act of courage as it is an actual leap of faith.. You have to trust in your instructor, and the powers that be..
Me: Life is about taking risks... Whether it's skydiving or falling in love.. If you don't try it, you'll never find out what you'll be missing. More often than not, you miss out on a lot of good things, beautiful things, because you were too afraid to take that leap.

KILIG MOMENTS
* "Flying" with K, my tandem instructor and officemate.. It was the most romantic feeling ever and he was so nice to me the whole time.. I think that's partly why I didn't get traumatized after that freefall @ 120mph or so, where it seemed like I was crashing directly to the earth.. And he is also instrumental to why I'm still feeling the "high" from that jump, days after :)
* Mr. M telling me I brighten up his day.. and him passing by my cube at least once per day, looking into the mirror (that he bought) and sticking out his tongue to me :) So he is like, kinda old, but like he said, we are only young once, but immature forever.. Sounds good to me.. (Variation: Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.)
* Mr. T giving me chocolate.. He was picking up candy in Mr. M's cube earlier, and he asked me if I wanted one. I said I wanted Kitkat.. He told me there wasn't any but he gave me Twix instead :)

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Ok, so I'm acting like a schoolgirl.. But I had to take a break from my blogging-about-skydiving-every-single-day mode before Nic flies to OR to strangle me :D But, there's more to come :)

PRICELESS

Cost of first tandem jump with the Eugene Skydivers @ 12,000ft ... $149
Amount spent on gas to drive all the way to Crewell ... $15
Cost of video taken during free fall + 24 still shots, including developing the prints ... $75
Vewing the world as far as your eyes could reach, while riding with the wind ... priceless.

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
"never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters" - Nothing Else Matters, Metallica

When you are gliding in the air, looking at the world a few thousand feet below you, nothing else matters. Not your despair, loneliness or sordid little truths.. For a moment, the world just stops and all you can see is the beauty below you as you take that flight. I swear I want to stay up there forever. Up there where the time seems to fly so fast, yet everything else seems to stand still. And everything is just perfect.

I had the chance to look at the world in a different way. And that view is absolutely breathtaking. The feeling of calmness and awe is indescribable. Amazing or extraordinary or wonderful.. They suddenly seem like such lame terms...

I've swam with the fishes, and now I have flown like a bird. And yes, I will do it again.

...and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return. - Leonardo da Vinci

FRIDAY FIVE
1. If you could only choose 1 cd to ever listen to again, what would it be? I love music, right now, Bob Marley's Songs of Freedom Disc 3 is it. "Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing's gonna be alright.." - Three Little Birds
2. If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be? Godfather I and Godfather II.. Hehe.. Actually, I also love movies a lot.. Special mention to some (Reality Bites, My Life As A House, Riding in Cars With Boys)..
3. If you could only choose 3 books to read ever again, what would they be? The Memoirs of a Geisha, Harry Potter (kahit alin dun.. hehe), 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
4. If you could only choose 4 things to eat or drink ever again, what would they be? Mango ice cream, salmon teriyaki, coffee, Kitkat
5. If you could only choose 5 people to ever be/talk/associate/whatever with ever again, who would they be? my sisters Ann and Eyen, my brother Dong, My best friends Petite and Laryang, Mr. M (role model manager)

THE SORDID TRUTH
Sitting next to Mr. T has its disadvantages after all.. Well, today, I overheard a somewhat disheartening conversation he had with what I assumed to be a very good friend of his over the phone. Ok, I did say that he tends to talk very loudly, so much so that people who are several poles away from him can still hear his voice. So, for the record, I wasn't eavesdropping. *sheepish grin*

Anyway, I found out that he is dating, after all. Or was. Apparently, they are totally opposites, and the girl freaked him out because she brought him home to her parents way too quick. I couldn't tell if he felt bad that it didn't work out and all, since he was mostly laughing it off. Not that it matters.

Since he is mostly very brusque, I never took it personally that the he barely engages in small talk with me. You know, given that we are just a wall apart. I got the vibe that he is either shy around women or just plain, well, a snob. Actually, I did confirm that with his manager. In one of our 1on1 meetings, I unintentionally raised the concern that I was having difficulty approaching Mr T, and my tendency is to avoid him at all costs if I needed some clarification or information that somebody else from his team may be able to provide. Mr. T is one of those guys who make you feel uneasy everytime you talk to them, afraid that they think you're just wasting their time. And Mr. M, his manager, did confirm, that Mr. T does have a history of not having a very good working relationship with women. Apparently, Mr. T himself admits that "women hate him". But we all know that I don't. I actually find his brusqueness cute and amusing. That's why it was never really a work concern for me, but somehow, in the length of my meeting with Mr. M, that just came up.

But I digress. Like I said, I never took Mr. T's treatment of me very personally. Until today.

Not that I assumed he also liked me. But in my mind, not knowing whether he did or did not, actually gave me something to hope for. Like everyone else, I'm also scared of rejection, and more so if there is a finality to it. In fact, I was secretly wishing he was gay, because at least that just meant he just had other interests, not necessarily because he didn't find me attractive enough..

I've met Mr. T several years ago, and didn't really develop a "crush" on him until now and that was mainly because I was very much in love then. But lately, I began to notice he was kinda cute, and in his unique way, funny. And the rare times we interact, he manages to tease me and I took that as a sign that we may actually get along. In time. But then again, he calls me Ma'm. I would have known that wasn't a good sign.

Of course, knowing that he was dating someone just confirmed that he is not interested in me. And his mostly dismissive, if not, snobbish, treatment of me, means just that. Too bad.

NATURAL HIGHS
1. Chatting with my brother in yahoo everyday. I miss him and my younger sisters.. We grew up together, being just a few years apart.. Bro was the first one I ever told I smoked. And he drove for me a lot back in college. But chatting with him everyday feels like he's just a few miles away.
2. Emails from my barkada.. I so love getting updates from Petite.. So many wonderful news.. Updates on her upcoming wedding, and about our other barkada.. We're going to be godmommies soon! Yey!
3. My officemate buying a mirror for my cube since I sit with my back facing the opening so I usually get jolted when people come in to talk to me.. Now I can view all my incoming visitors.. He even had to go to Fred Meyers twice to get what I needed. Sweet.
4. My wonderful, talented team.. I'm so blessed.
5. Blogging and reading my favorite blogs.
6. Doing french-tip manicure by myself for the first time..
7. Unclogging the slow draining tub..
8. Chatting with Sieg.. It's been a long time and I just miss talking to someone I didn't need to explain myself to..
9. That giddy feeling of waiting for something to happen..
10. Having time to watch my fave TV shows - Charmed, Smallville, Friends, Will and Grace..
11. Not eating rice for two weeks.. It was hard for someone who has always believed she'd not survive without eating rice with her meals.
12. Watching in fascination at our fab. Wow!
13. Hearing cube neighbor's hearty laughter every single day.
14. TLB checking up on me.. once in a while.. and remembering our good times together. (Picture on the right was taken by him.. He took pictures of me all the time and it was actually sweet)
15. Knowing that no matter what, I've not become jaded, and I still believe that good things happen, even to not-so-good people..
16. People telling me that I'm funny, or I made them laugh, or that I have humor. I never thought I had it in me to laugh, or make people laugh, under my usual circumstances..
17. Seeing the sun.
18. Waking up everyday.
19. Going home to my little apartment everyday. This is my sanctum.
20. Exchanging woes and stories with Madz.
21. My trainer saying "Good job, girl". Which usually means, ok, time to increase your weights.. But still.. :)
22. People going to my cube to say hi. Just because.
23. Listening to Bob Marley's "Is This Love?"
I wanna love you and treat you right
I wanna love you every day and every night
We'll be together with a roof right over our heads
We'll share the shelter of my single bed
We'll share the same room, Jah provide the bread

Is this love, is this love
Is this love, is this love that I'm feelin'?
24. Discovering that my ultimate intellectual crush said he liked me because I know what I'm doing and that I'm a good leader.. Coming from a guru like him, I'm so honored.
25. Kitkat.

SORE
After slacking off for two weeks, I went back to the gym this week. Man, I'm sore. Everyday, my trainer is thinking of new ways of killing me.

But, I'm still happy these days.. I'm in such a good mood. Hyper, almost. Despite the few hours of sleep and long hours at the gym.

For the first time since I arrived here, I'm actually looking forward to something.

Oh, and it's Friday tomorrow, too. Wee!

FALLING
I'm falling in love with Tom Welling a.k.a Clark Kent of Smallville. I swear. He was so damn hot in today's episode. And he looks hotter in next week's bad boy episode. Can't wait.

Yeah. Better him than someone I really should steer clear from. But I'm afraid I just set myself up in a trap that will be hard to get out of.

The disturbing part is, though I'm aware of the possible complications, a big part of me wants this. Instead of thinking of ways how to reverse the situation, I'm actually joyfully waiting in anticipation for that situation to move on to the next level.

Be still my raging heart.

WIDESCREEN OR FULL-SCREEN?
Don't you just sometimes get overwhelmed by the choices you have to make everyday? Come to think of it, life is nothing but a series of choices. And it's no longer as simple as choosing between latte or espresso.. You have to choose whether you want non-fat or regular, whip or no-whip..

Let me illustrate.

It's 1130 NN. You're not decided if you're hungry enough. To eat lunch or not? If you choose not to eat, then you make a choice whether to publish meeting minutes or calendaring meeting notices... and so forth.. If you do choose to eat, you then ask if you want to go down to the cafeteria or go home. You decide to go down the cafe, pick among Mexican, Mongolian Grill, Burger and Fries. You make a choice and then you're asked: For here or to go?

Or, you might just have chosen to go home.

Before going home, you drop by Blockbuster to rent a video. You're thinking whether to rent an indie movie or Britney Spears' Crossroads. The indie movie, definitely. You check out the video and you decide to reserve a Spiderman movie (it will come out Nov1). Then the cashier asks - DVD or VHS? You choose DVD, and you thought, now you can finally go home and eat (well, before eating, first choose between tuna sandwich or a power drink). But no, just when you thought it's finally over, he asks : Widescreen or full-screen? Arrgh..

MR E
Mr. E makes a kilig comeback. I know. I said that there's just no way things can move forward. Still true. But allow me to wallow in this giggly feeling for a while :)

Last week, I was in a phone meeting and suddenly, someone came up and started massaging my shoulders. I turned around, and I was greeted by the smiling and looking- very-good Mr. E. I swear I would have melted. He has such gorgeous eyes. Syet. I got so distracted I cut myself off from my meeting. Hehe. Bad. So we talk a while and he asked me what my plans were for the weekend and I told him, not knowing that he had asked my officemate earlier if he should stay for the weekend or not, implying that he wanted to go out with us. Ok, with me. Together with the group, of course. Since I had already made plans with another group of people (yeah, the skydiving thing, you know.. haha), I didn't really invite him to stay. So he didn't.

Anyway, today, I sent out an invitation to our team for a teambuilding/pre-halloween event at the end of the month. He replied saying he probably can't make it, him being in another site and all. I kidded him saying it was too bad, and he replied back saying he really wanted to see us (meaning, the whole team), specially me. Specially me! Nobody can wipe off the smile on my face ever. Talaga. :)

SKYDIVING? NAH...
I didn't go skydiving this weekend.. (I can hear the disappointed groans of Mark and Nic now.. :P).. Doing it to conquer my fear of heights is crap, because that's what I thought when I bunjee jumped, but all I could think about after that was I will never do it again. Doing it for the thrill? I find more thrill in learning to cook than freefalling to the ground for 30 or so seconds.. (Ok, that's a lie...)

But I figured I could put some good use on the over $100 I'll be spending on that jump. And I have. Went online yesterday to buy a couple of pairs of jeans.. You know, it's getting pretty chilly nowadays and if I carry on wearing my dresses, I'll develop hypothermia before the winter. Hehe.

Ok, so the truth is, I'm really just a wuss. Maybe next time I'll be mentally prepared for it. I'm sure there'll be a next time. And maybe I can put that in my before-35 list. For now, I got to cross out my before-30 first. :)

FRIDAY FIVE
I decided to answer this since it's about my favorite subject.. Hihi

1. What size shoe do you wear? 6 to 6.5
2. How many pairs of shoes do you own? More than 20... most of them are slides..
3. What type of shoe do you prefer (boots, sneakers, pumps, etc.)? Sandals/slides with a few inch heels... I don't like flipflops so much because I don't know how to walk well in them..
4. Describe your favorite pair of shoes. Why are they your favorite? My Nine West sandals.. they're so comfy and versatile..I can wear them with most of my outfits, including jeans.. And a comfy pair low-cut boot that I wear with my jeans (not very frequently but I do wear jeans..).. I just bought new boots that I like to wear with my dresses this fall since I can't wear my slides or sandals anymore.. Too cold..
5. What's the most you've spent on one pair of shoes? I've a few buys that turned out expensive.. I bought Enzo slides for almost 4k PHP (~$80), and it was damaged after a few wears.. I bought another pair of slides in Rockwell, ~$80, but I chose a color which is kinda yellowish-beige, so I can barely wear it with any of my outfits..I've really kept my purchases to below $100... I just have way too many, though.. And I've made quite a few bad purchases.

MY TYPE
I rarely comment that a guy is "my type". I don't think I have one. I've dated tall and not-so-tall men, skinny and muscled men, pimply men, cute boyish men, or not... Not all of them were party-goers... Most of them were athletic. But I can't really categorize them into a single "type".

But the more I meet new people, I discover that there are a few things that simply affect my attraction to a male... Well, there's the so-called intellectual/emotional/sexual/physical chemistry to start with, whatever that really is, but then there are the small things:

1. Personal hygiene - I mean, this is a given, right? I absolutely cannot stand men who have body odor of any sort. I mean, he doesn't have to wear cologne, but please wear deodorant! And please floss. Really. And oh, I'm so turned off with those who have long fingernails.. Specially their pinky nails.. Ew.
2. Mr. Bud or San Miguel - I just want someone I can have beer with some nights, who can also be a buddy, and someone I can just hang out with. Last weekend, I talked with this guy at a party for more than two hours. And within that time, I downed maybe 5 or so beers and he was still working on his first one. He was nice and all, but it dawned on me that I do care about that eeny weeny fact. Just as I know a lot of guys also care about women who drink or smoke.
3. Bob Marley - Gawd. If he doesn't know Bob Marley and his music, it just ain't going to work.
4. Shoes - One of the first things I observe in a man is his shoes. He doesn't need to wear good, designer shoes. But please, wear a decent pair. And please, wear socks that go along with your outfit. Do not wear colored sports socks with your Top-siders and wear a black leather belt.

CONGRATULATIONS
Finally! Yey, Blue Eagles !!! ONE BIG FIGHT!!!

PLUG
Wow - the week just rushed by! Still no time to blog about the things running through my head, but do have time for a plug :) Nope, I wasn't asked to do this.. But heck, I miss school, and well, I would have gone... So kayo na lang.. Sieg - go! Have fun.. :)

(p.s. - ONE BIG FIGHT!!! hehe...)

================
What: THE INTER-GRADUATE SCHOOLS' NETWORKING NIGHT
Where: DISH, in Rockwell Makati
When: Wed, Oct. 9 @ 8pm
Why:
External: To instill camaraderie among graduate programs from different schools, as a prelude to the Inter-Graduate School Friendship Games
Internal: To raise funds for our publication, Perspectives, and for our beneficiary, Wards 9 and 11 at the Philippine General Hospital
How:
A P200 ticket buys you the following benefits:

Unlimited chances to meet your future partner (in business or otherwise)
Open bar from 8:30-10:30pm (or till supplies last)
Fashion show starring each school's top picks
Chance to win prizes from our sponsors: Criterion, CEO, Essenxa, etc.
Be featured on E!, Entrepreneur, Cosmopolitan magazines as Stars of the Night

WHAT A GOOD DEAL!
Obviously, P200 is a good deal considering all these benefits (plus how, on a regular night, entrance to Dish costs P150, with beer costing around P90 a pop).

We expect a MINIMUM of 400 people from the 4 schools (AIM, La Salle, Ateneo & UST) to attend. The schools are very enthusiastic about this initiative, already forecasting sales of AT LEAST 200 tickets per school. By the way, the people from the other schools all have jobs (only AIMers are full-timers), so imagine the connections you can make.

-- from the AGSB Student Council

ONE BIG FIGHT
Even AGSB is all hyped up for Game 3 this Saturday. Deng. Cge na nga.. Go Blue Eagles! One big fight!

GREETINGS
Belated happy birthdays to Mark and Pat.. Best of luck to Peps and welcome back Denden! :)