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CHANGE

Published Sunday, September 29, 2013 by XY | E-mail this post

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Change is the only constant in this world.

Unknowingly, this little man, who's not even my own, brought about that change. I fell in love the moment I first saw him, as I always do with all my nephews and nieces.

But our relationship changed that year when he hurt his forehead while on my watch. As I saw blood oozing from his head, it hit me that kids are so fragile indeed. They need to be taken care of. Nurtured. Nourished. Loved.

It was the same year I made a pact to my dad that I will always take good care of my nephews before he passed away. My dad had been battling cancer for so long, longer than we will ever know. But while we saw him weaker than his usual, he never once complained, never once showed weakness. He had reached stage 4 when we found out. And in less than 2 months, he passed. But he fought hard in those last few days of his life. And it wasn't during one conversation when I fully realized why he was holding on. "I want my grandchildren to go to school and have a good life... Who will take care of them now?" It's not that my brother and sister-in-law are not taking care of them. They are, and they're doing a pretty good job. But my dad had always been the one who took care of everything for everyone. He was the one who purchased my first car even when I was more than old enough to do so. He'd be the first to call whenever there are calamities. He always wanted to make sure we were okay. Even when he was no longer okay.

I assured him that day that I will always be there for my nephews, my mom and my siblings. While I'm not the eldest in the brood, I'm the only one without kids of my own. And on that day I understood my purpose in life. I had to live away from my family for 15 years, in order to realize that I will need to be the leader once our head of the family was gone.

I don't know if my words assured my dad. I'd like to think so. He peacefully passed one day, a few hours after I left the hospital. That morning, I whispered to him that we were going home because my little nephew was waiting for him at home. My little nephew brought him so much joy in the last year of his life. And I knew the thought of seeing the kid again made him happy. My dad did come home. But to his home in heaven.

I spent most of my time in the hospital. And in those last days, I was mostly alone with him. But on that day, I had to go to work. And that was the day he left. I think he knew my heart wouldn't be able to handle it. And seeing him leave might break me, and I needed to be strong for the rest of my family.

So this little man, this bundle of joy, changed my life forever. He was entrusted to me. And if there was any doubt in my mind that I'll be staying for good in Cebu, my promise to my dad erased that doubt.

These days I no longer live life for myself. I have a family to lead. To nurture. To take care of. To love.

Change is constant. Change is good.

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