MOVIE MANIA

 

I am a self-confessed film maniac. My romance with films started when a teacher showed Oro Plata Mata back in high school. She wanted to teach us about our country. I was awed and touched and realized the power movies have. Now I watch films for many reasons. Mostly for enjoyment. Sometimes to escape into another world. Often to bitch about it in the end. Depends on the mood, really. Like when I watched “Don’t Give Up On Us” recently, I was in my please-shoot-me-now mood. Hahaha.

 

So when someone asks me what my favorite film is, I don’t even know where to start. There are way too many. But I will definitely say that Godfather I and II are my two favorite films of all time. Hands down. Which basically translates to, I can watch it over and over again and never get tired. So here’s a stab of my movie list. I may miss some. Either I haven’t watched them. Or my memory has failed me.

 

Favorite Films of All Time (can watch over and over and over and over… again)

1. Godfather I and II
2. When Harry Met Sally
3. For Love of the Game
4. Under The Tuscan Sun
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

 

Films that Touched my Heart and Soul (and made me think, cry, laugh hard)

1. Shawshank Redemption
2. The Green Mile
3. Glory
4. Ghost
5. Mystic River
6. Something’s Gotta Give
7. Love Actually
8. Lost in Translation
9. Amores Perros
10. Traffic
11. Unfaithful
12. I am Sam
13. Dead Poet’s Society
14. Dangerous minds
15. Schindler’s List
16. My Life As A House
17. Life is Beautiful
18. E.T.
19. A Beautiful Mind
20. Reality Bites
21. With Honors
22. Riding In Cars with boys
23. The Girl With the Pearl Earring
24. Age of Innocence
25. Scarlet Letter
26. Y Tu Mama Tambien
27. Cinema Paradiso
28. Amelie
29. Malena
30. City of God
31. Somewhere in time
32. Man on Fire
33. The Rain Man
34. Saving Private Ryan
35. Gladiator
36. Beautiful Boxer
37. Big Fish
38. Braveheart

 

Best Suspense/Thriller

1. The Usual Suspects
2. Silence of the Lambs
3. The Sixth Sense

 

Best Comedies

1. Bad Boys 1/2
2. Shrek ½
3. Lilo and Stitch
4. Finding Nemo
5. The Guru

 

Best Filipino Films (list is very stringent.. there are a few more ok ones of late..)

1. Oro, Plata, Mata
2. Isang ARaw Walang Diyos  (I watched this more than 2x back in high school.. this is the 2^nd film I really loved)
3. Bata, Bata PAno Ka Ginawa
4. Sister Stella L
5. Anak
6. Hubog
7. Bagong Buwan
8. Panaghoy sa Suba
9. Bagets (seriously, hahaha)
10. Narinig Mo Na Ba ang Latest? (because this is one of my favorites lines ever: My brains are bigger than my boobs!... Hahaha. I echo that!)

 

Films I Haven’t seen but I know I should

1. Citizen Kane
2. Gone with the Wind
3. Casablanca
4. Magnifico
5. Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros
6. Pulp Fiction

 

 

WE LOVE AND LEARN… AND THEN MOVE ON*

 

 

Out of the many lessons I’ve learned about love, this is one I plan to live on by. I’ve tried sulking, wallowing to the point of being suicidal, going wild – anything you can think of to recover from heartache. In the end, all of these things are pointless. Nothing can bring back the love that’s been lost, and no matter how much you try, you can never ever truly understand love and the reasons that it fails or why the people you trust hurt you.

 

So now, I just grieve a while, and then move on. Because life doesn’t stop when the people we love hurt us.

 

 

* Quote from the movie Prime (which, I loved, btw. Good story, editing and the works. Good actors, too J)

Jars Of Clay - Lonely People

 

This is for all the lonely people

Thinkin' that life has passed them by

Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup

Ride that highway in the sky

 

This is for all the single people

Thinkin' that life has left them dry

Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup

You'll never know until you try

 

Cause, I'm on my way

Yes, I'm on my way

Yeah, i'm on my way back home

 

This is for all the lonely people

Thinkin' that life has passed them by

Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup

She'll never take you down or never give you up

You'll never know until you try

 

“As people our job is to become who we are. I would like to salute the men and women who brave ostracism, alienation and a life lived on the margins to become who they really are.” This is a quote from one of my favorite TV actresses, Felicity Huffman who plays Lynette in Desperate Housewives (also one of my favorite TV series). This is an excerpt of her speech after winning the Golden Globe Best Actress Award for her role as a pre-op transsexual in Transamerica. I have not yet seen the movie, but I cannot wait until its play date here at home. I want to watch it not because it tackles a controversial theme, but I love films that can evoke reflection and encourages the viewers to think beyond their prejudices, and be more accepting of the differences we see all around us. As someone who grew up in a liberated environment (a.k.a, UP education), as someone who has seen a few parts of the world in different angles and as someone who has lived multiple lives in this lifetime, I have made it a personal mantra to reduce, if not, diminish the bigots in this world. I believe that we are all entitled to live our lives the way we choose, with the fine print, of course, that we shall do it without deliberately hurting anyone else in the process. In the end, we can only be happy if we are true to who we really are. And no one should ever judge us for that.

 

This reminds me of another poignant movie I saw recently. I first heard of this last Cinemanila ’04 but never got to watch it. I was ecstatic to find out the movie was being shown in local theatres again, after it made its US debut in the cinemas last year. I’m talking about Beautiful Boxer, which is based on a true story of Parinya Charoenphol, also fondly known as Nong Toom, the famed lady boy (kathoey) Thai kickboxing champion in the late ‘90s. Nong Toom took up kickboxing initially to bring his family out of poverty, which is something we Filipinos understand. (Segue to our beloved PacMan, who is fighting a big fight next week… Good luck!). Eventually, he saw kickboxing as a means to finally achieve what he wanted all his life – to become a woman. And the story evolves around his struggles as a boy who was bullied because of his effeminate ways, to a young man who fought fiercely in the ring in order to get his family out of poverty, to a woman trapped in a boxer’s body until his sex reassignment surgery. One of the most moving scenes was when he was being seduced by a Japanese woman after winning a fight because she did not believe that Nong Toom was really a transvestite. And as the woman removed her clothes in front of him, all he could do is watch longingly at a body that he wishes was his.

 

In life, there are things that we want so badly but we may never have. A man we love with all our hearts, but who loves someone else. A baby who might never be born. A way out of the married life that we have come to loathe. A husband who will love us till death do us part. A wife who is loving and accepting but not blind to our faults. Nong Toom was one of the lucky ones. He got what he wanted because he stayed true to himself. Or should I say, herself. But her physical change was only the beginning. Her journey continues on.

 

And for the rest of us are NOT YET as lucky, we can only keep on hoping that someday we will get our hearts’ desires J

 

 

I hate waiting. It’s the absolute worst way to spend your time on. I had my long overdue test yesterday and results are due out later. Gosh, I really do hate hospitals. Went to MMC first, and it was so hard to find a parking space. There were so many people lining up for consultation. I can’t believe that many people are sick. When I finally went up to the lab, the next available sked for the ultrasound was next Monday. I couldn’t wait. Super torture na. Made calls to three other hospitals. Finally chose Chinese Gen since my sister is a part-time consultant there. They said they could accommodate me. I waited for 3 hours. Slow torture. Mas lalong torture coz I watched all those kapuso teleseryes while waiting. Finally it was my turn, I lay on the bed, and the nurse just looked at me, stoic, as she did the test. When she went out to confer with the doctor, tears rolled down as I lay there waiting. Lying there reminded me of a forgotten time. Urgent Care. ER. Several blood tests and ultrasounds. So many people poking. The doctor telling me I needed immediate surgery. 50-50% chance that I will die. I was bleeding internally. I remember telling the doctor if we could push it out one more day. Because I was away from home. And I had no family with me. Just a partner who couldn’t even bear to stay in the hospital. I said I needed to inform my family. What if I died and they didn’t even have an idea of what I was going through? Can I please make an overseas call? So they let me. Because the surgery couldn’t wait another day or I’d bleed to death. I called my younger sister. Told her not to let my parents know about my condition. But I wanted to let her know in case something happens. The most heartwrenching 3minutes of my life. She was crying because she wanted to be with me but she can’t.

 

Fast forward to yesterday. And I told myself, it could be just nothing. But facing death again, now with more time to wallow in it is really making me nauseous. Back then I didn’t even have time to digest it all. After the call they wheeled me in to the OR. The next time I opened my eyes, I was crying but alive. And out of danger.

 

I don’t want to go through it all again. Please, dear God.

DEALING WITH MORTALITY

 

In the movie, Alfie, the main character dealt with a major turning point in his life when the doctor found a lump in his, uhm, organ. I find myself in the same boat right now.

 

I woke up @ 230AM this morning and was not able to get back to sleep. A few months ago, the attending physician on our on-site physical exam found some lumps in my left breast. I was advised to see a surgeon, and somehow I was too busy to do that. Or maybe, I was just afraid about what I would find out. This week, I decided it’s time to face the music. And I was convinced more than ever when I felt pain on my breast (still feeling it). I freaked out this morning and no matter how much I tried to comfort myself, I just couldn’t brush the sickening feeling I felt in my stomach. After tossing and turning a few times, it was already time to get up and get ready for work. One of the things I did was to research about breast cancer this morning. Thankfully, feeling pain is NOT a usual symptom of cancer. Still, there are the lumps that I have to deal with.

 

Those hours I lay awake, the only question that kept buzzing my head was whether people will remember me when I’m gone. Have I really touched the lives of the other people around me? Or will I just become another statistic.

 

Argh.

 

2005 REVIEW

 

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?

Eat balut (more like, made tikim lang…), Trek Sagada, biked to Tagaytay… hmmm… a few more things pa

 

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I only went to the gym a couple of times. Enough said ;)

 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

People from work… One of my high school friends

 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Fortunately, no.

 

5. What countries did you visit?

Nowhere. But went to Boracay a couple of times this year. Does that count? :D

 

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

Be more lustful when it comes to career. Enough of the apathetic attitude.

 

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Sagada was one of the best memories ever. The place, the people, the magic.. Char. Haha.. My sister’s wedding. It was the first time in a long time that we all got together…

 

8. What was your biggest achievement/s of the year?

Being ok with spending holidays alone. Standing by my choices.

 

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not going to the gym as much as I could. And even gaining weight at the end of the year. Putek! :D

 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Several bouts of flu. Recurring foot pain.

 

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My yummy Havaianas.. hehe

 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Gosh. Wala ata e. Everyone was so-so

 

13. Whose behaviour appalled you and made you depressed?

My so-called bestie. 2 years na to. Enough na.

 

14. Where did most of your money go?

My condo. My car. Party/travel.

 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My sister’s wedding J

 

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?

Push the button and let me know… before you get I get the wrong idea… hahaha!

 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

A. Happier or Sadder? Happier. Got past my traumatic years J

B. Thinner or Fatter? Fatter! Tengna! :D

C. Richer or Poorer? Richer! Hahaha.. feeling lang…

 

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Hmmm.. I think I did what I mostly wanted to do and more.. Except maybe say no to bestie more!

 

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Seeing bestie. Haha.

 

20 Did you fall in love in 2005?

Maybe. Hahaha

 

21. How many one-night stands?

??!! None. Hahaha!

 

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Lost. Desperate Housewives. PBB. Wahaha!

 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Wala eh. Same pa rin sila. Hahaha.

 

24. What was the best book you read?

Da Vinci Code. Didn’t read much last year.

 

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Not naman greatest. But I made a lot of effort just trying to discover the band which sang my erstwhile anthem “Stay”, which turned out to be Cueshe

 

26. What did you want and get?

Hmmm… someone ;)

 

27. What did you want and not get?

A new car. Someone who is not destined to friggin’ leave this country (because I want to stay here).. Hahaha!

 

28. Favorite film of this year?

Alfie? This year ba to.. not sure.

 

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was in back home in Cebu, interviewing applicants. That night, my family treated me to this quaint little Spanish resto in Guadalupe. Went karaoke after. Then I went out with my friends and got totally wasted. Hahaha. I was, syet, 31. Hahaha!

 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I wish the men I liked didn’t have to leave eventually. Hahaha.

 

31. What kept you sane?

My family. Friends! School ;)

 

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

The GMA scandal. EVAT, leche!

 

33. Who did you miss?

Aussie.. no one makes high schooly gestures na.. hahaha

 

34. Who were the best new persons you met?

Ali, Van, Dj, Jason, Dennis J

 

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.

Tragedy or failure doesn’t kill, even if we strongly feel that it will. Or even if we feel that it should. No matter what, life is good. My ’05 was a proof of that. Carpe diem! J

 

We can't be as good as we'd want to, so the question then becomes, how do we cope with our own badness?-- Nick Hornby

 

 

Btw, I also had several nice surprises. Small ones, but wonderful just the same. A 2-hr overseas conversation with an old, old friend. Holiday conversations with Aussie, which ended with a very high-schooly – miss na nga kita eh.. hehehe.. Even an unexpected call from someone I was trying to avoid turned out to be the “closure” I didn’t know I needed. And yeah, another old friend is coming back to visit the Phils. soon and I have not seen or talked with him in ages. I’m excited! J And today, I learned I got a 4.0 for my Entrep! Woohoo!! After dissing my classmates, and after thinking my grade would surely suck, this bit of news really made my day. And speaking of school, I will definitely go back after my mini-holiday break this term. Hahaha. I need to get this over with. J

2006 IS HERE

 

Indeed, the new year has begun, just as certain as the sun will rise everyday. Wow. Time goes by so fast. When I started blogging, I was a single, independent twenty-something.. Things have not changed much, except now I’m thirty-something! Gah. Hahaha.

 

Age doesn’t get to me as much as it used to. I guess once you hit a certain mark, it doesn’t matter anymore. I do not stress myself about the ticking of the biological clock, because if I’m really meant to be a mom, I’m going to be one. If not, I’m ok with that, too. I like to have my own children, but watching that video of a screaming mother during childbirth during my “innocent” years scarred me for life. Really. ;)

 

The holidays was ok. In fact, my vacation flew by so fast I’m now silently berating myself for not scheduling vacation this week. The office is practically a ghost town. I mean I arrived ~9AM and the parking lot was only ¾ full. That only happens on the 1^st workday of the year! J

 

I spent my 2^nd to the last of the year biking from GMA to Tagatay and back via the Pagliwagan trail! That must have been more than 30kms back and forth, so we were sitting our asses off for one whole freakin’ day! Hahaha… The trail was not that bad. The climbs were not as hard as Daang-hari (or maybe because this ride was my 1^st) or Makiling, but it was a long ride. I mean, man, I never thought I’d ever try biking to Tagaytay. But it was super fun. We were in the company of some hard-core bikers. And, being as competitive as us, it put a pressure on us to perform as good as them, or at least try to catch up. Of course, there was no way in hell that was gonna happen. I learned that they had trained by running trails, mountaineering and stuff. And us, well, I don’t even remember when that 25km Alabang ride was. It was that long ago. But like I said, I have no regrets waking up at 5AM that day. I certainly wanna keep biking. But, I would also like to start strength and endurance training (aside from weight loss) also. Guess that is a new year’s resolution for me.

 

I don’t really make resolutions. I mean last time, I said I was going to stop partying. But scratch that. The only resolution that makes sense to me is living life to the fullest! We only live once, and I plan to live it as best as I can, with the caveat of course that I will try not to hurt anyone (deliberately) in the process…

 

Carpe diem! J