DEALING WITH MORTALITY
In the movie, Alfie, the main character dealt with a major turning point in his life when the doctor found a lump in his, uhm, organ. I find myself in the same boat right now.
I woke up @ 230AM this morning and was not able to get back to sleep. A few months ago, the attending physician on our on-site physical exam found some lumps in my left breast. I was advised to see a surgeon, and somehow I was too busy to do that. Or maybe, I was just afraid about what I would find out. This week, I decided it’s time to face the music. And I was convinced more than ever when I felt pain on my breast (still feeling it). I freaked out this morning and no matter how much I tried to comfort myself, I just couldn’t brush the sickening feeling I felt in my stomach. After tossing and turning a few times, it was already time to get up and get ready for work. One of the things I did was to research about breast cancer this morning. Thankfully, feeling pain is NOT a usual symptom of cancer. Still, there are the lumps that I have to deal with.
Those hours I lay awake, the only question that kept buzzing my head was whether people will remember me when I’m gone. Have I really touched the lives of the other people around me? Or will I just become another statistic.
Argh.