After lunch I brought my nephew upstairs to play some games. Again, that smile. That smile just melts my heart :)


This man demonstrated that we can always be kids at heart, and it's not a bad thing :) And look at the rasta colors he's wearing? He must have been one cool kid! :p

After my nephew had ridden all the rides, we headed back home and hang out in the clubhouse a bit. My other nephews and niece were already there waiting for us. They were all so excited to be reunited, after months of not seeing each other.

The chubby Chinese kid is my eldest sister's youngest. He came up running to us, greeting his younger cousin. "AJ, I miss you!!", he shouted. Then the birthday boy shouted back "Chin-chin, I miss you!"... Funny thing is, birthday boy's name is not AJ, and my chinito nephew's name is not Chin-chin, either. But no matter how many times we corrected the two, they always call each other by those fake names. Hilarious, I tell you. Haha.

I wore glasses the whole day to hide the dark circles under my eyes. 6 hours of sleep during the last 48hours is not good at all. But sleep seems so petty when you're having fun, and specially when you're making other people happy.

Then we went back to the unit to play with clay, burst the balloons, eat more pizza, mess around.

We did our little birthday boy happy pose.

Then we sang happy birthday, had our cake and ate it, too! :)

This is definitely one of my best weekends in a long time. I got to spend time with my family, and made my little nephew very happy on his birthday. Somewhere in between, I discovered something wonderful, too. It was kinda scary amazing, but I didn't mind it at all ;)

My weekend started early with a drinking session to welcome back a govster from travel. Hahaha, just another excuse. It was the usual crowd, and the party was as noisy as it can get though the brown out after midnight was a bummer. It was the birthday of another barkada as well, so after the "cake" blowing, we (actually, the boys) tried to finish all the beer... The brown out lasted until morning, so fixing up before going to bed was a challenge. Still, I had fun.

Friday at work breezed by, thankfully, because I had about 3hrs sleep and I just had images of pillows and blanket the whole day. The trick or treat at work managed to energize me, I mean the kids were just all adorable. My inaanak has really grown tall. I made a mental note to stop giving him toddler toys! haha..


Friday night was kind of harried. I went out to get some stuff for my nephew's birthday party, and well, guess who also got a "gift"? :p


I followed some office friends at Absinth around 10ish, and well, by the time the night ended, I was on the sidewalk outside Embassy! Had a blast. Have not gone out to party for a long time now, and I was in good company :) The highlight of the night was the green fairy and uhm, the dancing! I miss dancing :)

If not for my 8AM class, I would not have left before the clock struck 4AM. Haha! I made it at quarter before 9, a little dramatic entrance, and my head pounding. Good thing we ended an hour early because nothing was sinking in really.

Then it was off to the mall for the 1st part of my nephew's birthday celeb.


We bought candies, even ugly-looking ones :)


We had lunch at Pizza Company. The Tequila chicken pizza was yum!

This monstrous dessert did not taste as interesting as it looked, but it wasn't that bad.

The staff sang happy birthday to my nephew, and gave him a pink cake with a pink candle (it was free! so I only have good words to say about them :))... It was hilarious, all the pinkness, but my nephew didn't mind a bit. In fact, he finished the cake within 10mins ;)

So he posed with a contented smile. One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that you have made a child happy.

(From L-R: Fudz aka Sunshine Girl, our former grade school classmate, and moi in hideous make-up, hahaha!, circa 2002, while watching World Cup Finals at the now defunct Streetlife).


Change is not the only thing constant. My family is constant. And my best friends... the kind who would not hesitate to stay up with me all night... and whom I'll stay up all night for.

One of my BFF's is Sunshine Girl, who incidentally does know how to save a life :) And I'd like to give her my love from across the world coz it's her special day today! I really, really miss you. I miss tagging along with you and Markie during our gimiks at the Metro. I miss hanging out and talking... (and like I always say, you two always remind me that true love is not a myth and there is hope for me yet ;))

Thank you for all the wonderful years of friendship and inspiration (you are a real symbol of girl power!). We've definitely come a long way from our scrawny, awkward years.. Who knew that we would survive all the fights and the sometimes not-so-friendly curricular, co-curricular and extra-curricular competition? :p Egad, how did you ever put up with me as a spoiled brat to the drama queen me, and God knows how many more iterations? :)

There is no doubt that you are one of the bestest people in the world. May you continue to give inspiration to those around you... And may God shower you with more blessings!!! See you soon...

HapPy BiRtHdAy, Fudz!!!

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything. - Everything by Lifehouse

I'm just feeling a little melancholic today. I haven't stopped missing R even though I try so hard to do so... I miss him now… I'm a little flustered 'coz I found out there were already two break-ins in our building, with the second one as recent as last night. And whenever I was with him, I always felt so safe. And I could only wish he was here now to hold me because I know that he will not let anyone hurt me. Which then brings me a little ahead into the future… I know I cannot survive long on our current arrangement. Sigh. Anyways...

After getting my composure back, I finally managed to draft some safety action plans, because apparently, not even the 10 guards or so are enough. The only good thing though is that I finally managed to meet a few of my neighbors. Since I moved in two years ago, I only know my neighbor next door, but only because she owns the nearby salon as well :)

First, I definitely need to be more active here in our building meetings and get to know my neighbors. Second, I need to purchase an alarm system, and some protective equipment like a baseball bat and mace. Third, I need to get some serious self-defense classes soon (maybe this is where my boxing gloves will now come in handy.. Hahaha!) Fourth, I need to install grills in my unit, where necessary. Fifth, I should get a companion, like a driver or a house help (though we all know its also difficult to find trustworthy folks nowadays). Sixth, I should start hiding my Havaianas flipflops, just in case the thief/thieves know those are worth quite a lot of money. Wahaha! Seven, I definitely need to start treating this place like my home, not just another place to sleep in. And maybe the long commute everyday from here to work and vice versa is still worth it, after all...

Meantime, aside from R, I do have some other things I wanted to blog about ;)

#1. The Pinoy Dream -- And no, I'm not talking about that daily reality show where all those who want to become artista flock like bees to a honeycomb. I'm actually talking about this young half-Filipino/half American man, who left his easy and comfortable life in the States, to go discover his purpose in life, which he feels so strongly is here in his hometown. See, he left the country when he was 7, so he already accumulated quite a lot of fond memories and he wanted to go back to it all.. Meet 20yr old David, who btw is a blogger, and who has always been academically inclined. And that's a good thing, yes. :) But since he got here last February, he has been eating vegetables he harvests from the fields, creating fire via wood gathered, tilling the soil and is basically dirt poor. It's very refreshing that while millions of Filipinos line up the US embassy everyday to get a shot of the American dream, he on the other hand, has given it all up to find his Pinoy dream. I truly, truly admire his will and his spirit, and hats off to him. Go visit his blog to know about this very admirable Pinoy – David Eric Poarch.

#2 My Blue Eagle Quest - Whew, I enrolled my last class this term. Unfortch that it’s on a Saturday, but I really want to see this over sooner than later. It's not without challenges, of course. I'm still not done with my finals on the last elective I took, and thesis is due in less than 60 days. And I have not even started any freakin' thing! Three course overlaps, good luck to me. hahaha.. If things go well, I'll be finally out of school by Jan of next year, roughly 6 years since I started. What a journey it has been :)

#3 Emancipation Update – Aussie and I had a lengthy talk yesterday, and he told me he’s still adjusting to his life in Oz, more than a year since he left. He is irked about being treated like a second-class citizen, especially at work. If not for his goal of saving up some money for his fam, I think he would long have come back here. So basically he’s unhappy. Incidentally, one of our friends who just left the country (actually, she’s the landlady of former gov neighbors) is now his officemate. Small world! Anyways, Aussie and I have reached a breakthrough in our friendship, and we’re now closer than we used to be. He knows about R, so it’s platonic :)

#4 LSS Mystery Uncovered - Van/DJ, remember that day I asked you guys to help me find a song I heard on the radio, with about 3 words from the song (very common words, btw, so imagine the difficulty - level 5 ito! hehehe)? Well, it's the one above. And I found it without effort, after clicking on some Youtube videos on Brokeback (don't ask) :) DJ --- please, please find me the mp3 of Everything by Lifehouse. (Insert pa-cute smile here). Thanks!!!!!!!!! :)

p.s. The vid is my tribute to a long-time friend, M, who has been there for me and I know will continue to be there through thick and thin. M loves anime so when I saw this, he immediately came to mind :) I miss you, M! Take care!

You get me so excited! I'm so loving this Janet Jackson song. When I grow up, I wanna become hot like her. Hahaha!

Not bad for my first time ;) I fell in love with MoA just because of this rink. I want to skate with R here someday :p

Good news. Bad news. Worst news. And the silver lining. Been wanting to g-mask beauty wrap my phone and already visited a couple of malls but had no luck in finding the stalls. Good news - without effort, found it in MoA. Bad news - unfortunately, they won't do my phone because its casing is rubberized. Dem! My bro ended up getting his Moto phone g-masked! Worst news - since it was black, they had to do double layers, so total damage was P1.7 k! Silver lining - he loved it though. And I still want mine done! Waaah!

Do you like my cherry? Cherry Havs, that is. Yes, you guys know what gets me excited ;)

Bliss. Getting another pair of Havs is one of the best things ever. And getting R's aquamarine cartunista pair (to match mine), the bestest! (Insert silly, happy grin here).

Watched The Banquet last night at MoA with my bro. I got intrigued by its theme, but the promise of lavish costumes and imagery just pulled me into the theatre.

The movie appealed to my love of artsy, forlorn pieces, best epitomized by the monologue at the end , with Ziyi's haunting face capturing the essense of the movie.

This is about the complexity of human emotions - specially love & desire, and how it affects our lives and the lives of the people around us. It is best said in a dialogue between The Crown prince and a street vendor selling poison (repeated with the Empress and the same vendor).

Wu Luan (after buying poison from the vendor): Is there anything stronger than this?
Vendor: Yes. The human heart.

Indeed. We can only see too well in the movie's climax.

There is so much to love about this movie - the well choreographed scenes (from the opening performance, to the fight scene to Ziyi/Wu Luan's swordplay - and I don't mean that metaphorically, hahaha, to the banquet's theatrical exchanges), the scenery, the costume/make-up, the acting (Ziyi portrays innocence/manipulative/vulnerable/evil and a lot more in this movie and she is definitely one of the best actresses around). That it was loosely based on Shakespeare's tragedy - Hamlet, may not appeal to some (to drama queens like me, it's a gem. hehe!).

For a 2hr plus movie, it did pretty alright, though it could definitely have been edited even better. Somewhere along the way, I got dizzy by all the fight scenes, and it didn't help that we felt an earthquake in the middle of the movie (for a while all I could think about was, are we near the fire exit? We felt the tremor again when we got back at home around 2AM).

4 out of 5 stars for this film :)

_______________________

"You think that by using a mask, you elevate your (theatrical) performance? You are wrong. Use your face. And make it your mask." - The Empress

"When have I stopped becoming 'Little Wan'? I have forgotten who I am.... Perhaps it was the day your father married me... and you left" - The Empress

"You are in my heart, but you do not see me..." -- (from the song in the beginning of the film)

Of course this is another R post ;)

He has been asking me what I want for Christmas. Being the girl that I am, I told him to just surprise me. Being the boy that he is, he told me he'd rather do it right by getting exactly what I want, than surprise me with something I don't want. Practical man, my man :) Of course, I could continue arguing with him, but when you're on time limited calls, with time zone differences to make it all the more difficult, I finally managed to give him my wish list.

Me: Sige, buy me a few bottles of Cetaphil na lang.
R: Huh? Yun lang?
Me: Yup. Mahal dito eh.
R: I'll buy you your Cetaphil. But you still need to tell me what you'd like your surprise Christmas present to be.

Funny guy, he is too. (Digressing a bit, I was telling him the other night that he should make pa-sweet minsan when SMS'ng me. And his retort? -- > So how do you want it sweet? With Equal?)

Anyways, after several days of asking me for this surprise Christmas present, I finally told him to find my Superman Havaianas. A week after, he told me he couldn't find it. I knew that of course, coz those are only available online. (Hehehe, just testing whether he would really go look for them... Bad!)

He prodded me again last Sunday on what else I wanted aside from my precious Cetaphil. Then I remembered seeing a girl on TV wearing pink boxing gloves. And I've been trying to find the perfect gloves for weeks now. So I told him to check it out but not to buy them yet since they're medyo expensive for something I'm only still planning to use. And knowing my hit rate on these things, let's just say, the chances of them gathering dust is high. Hahaha!

But then 2 hours later, he texted me that he got these!

Aren't they lovely? :)

But more than the lovely, lovely, gloves, I was more giddy with the thought that he has been consistent in getting out of his way to make me happy. And that is way better than getting surprises, don't you think?

So I've been wearing a silly smile since the start of the week. A smile brought about by the excitement of soon getting a present I really, really like. A smile brought about by the knowledge that my guy is spending his free time looking for things I want, even if it means missing his sleep time. A smile brought about by love... his for me, and mine for him...

I was on house arrest yesterday due to very bad cramps. I found myself going thru some old emails, and came across the exchanges which signaled the start of the end of my 5-yr relationship with an ex. The exchanges went on for more than a year before I accidentally stumbled upon them. Funny how that turns out sometimes... You find things when you're not really looking for it. Of course, I eventually discovered of secret meetings, phone calls, text exchanges. Name it. Of course my ex and his ex denied any physical relationship, but, whether or not that was true, there was no denying they had an emotional relationship that went beyond a simple friendship. And yes, that they were exes made it all the worse. And however they wanted to call it, it was to me a huge betrayal.

Somehow, I succumbed to the attempts of my ex (RJ) to get back together after I slammed my doors on him (figuratively, of course), with the condition that from then on, it was going to be an open relationship. No commitments while we were trying to work it out. And I did try, half-heartedly, maybe. I guess sometimes letting go is really not an easy thing. And perhaps, being oceans apart just made things worse, but somewhere along the way, I fell in love with a good friend who had once backed off when he knew I was in a relationship.

Although it was tough for me to have to finally break it off over the phone with RJ, I had no other choice. My only mistake was not admitting the real reason for the break-up, but only because I didn't have the heart to hurt him nor go through a long-distance drama. He took it rather well until somehow he found out the truth. I also eventually learned that he was supposed to propose to me a month after I broke the bad news to him. His well-meaning friend called me up to tell me about RJ's breakdown and how he had thrown the engagement ring into one of the trashbins in an airport in Toronto. RJ also flew in to see me and needless to say, that just made things worse for us. RJ shipped back every single thing I ever gave to him, he stopped talking to me, and I had to cut off my relationships with his family as well, which was sad because I loved them like my own, as I knew they loved me.

I definitely didn't want things to end the way they did. He had hurt me badly, but I had no intention of hurting him back. And I knew as well that I was as responsible as he was for the deterioration of our relationship. Both of us were travelling all the time, and in all the five years we were together, we probably just saw each other a total of 3 years. Needless to say, I've stopped believing in long distance relationships after that. Just way too many odds. The truth is, that was probably the reason why I approached my next big relationship the way I did, which was of course, a totally extreme reaction. And yeah, that didn't end too well either. Haha.

What's ironic though is that I've found myself in another LDR. And I've been brushing off the knots in my stomach everytime I allow myself to take a glimpse into the future. A wise man told me that worrying too much about the future takes away the joys of today. And today, all I know is that I'm so much in love with this man, and I'm going to go with it until it's time to let go.

I must admit though that plunging into this whole thing with my eyes closed is scaring the hell out of me. It's like emotional suicide.

And when I'm scared like that, I'm tempted to do stupid things. Like go out on a date with someone who actually lives just a couple of zip codes away from me. Thank goodness it's only going to be just 6 more weeks until I see R again. Until then, I'll keep the faith. Maybe the gods will be kinder to me this time around.

Sometimes, things become almost unbearable, and only thoughts of the future (December with R, family and barkada at home; emancipation in April...) are what keeps me intact. It's just sad that even now everyone is already drifting apart. I hardly see my work friends anymore. We're all caught up in our own worlds. Lunch was the only time I looked forward to, and now even that is lost amidst the buzz of activities.

Have formally said my goodbyes last night to recent friend E, who's leaving for Oz soon with his family. Poquito Mas has become the venue for gatherings, oddly, mostly for farewells. Almost everyone around the table had world-weary eyes, the harsh realities taking its toll on us. I've come to take goodbyes with much less heartache (how fitting then for our venue of choice, haha), not because I care for my friends less, but because I know that they are moving on to better things. And with that in mind, it makes everything more palatable.

Yet, with our group slowly dwindling in numbers, there's still an air of sadness around that's just hard to ignore. I can only take a deep breath and let out a sigh.

Change is always a welcome thing, though, heartaches or not.

[As for you, E, we will surely miss you... your camera. Hahaha! Seriously, may God guide you in your new endeavor. Godspeed! See you soon, maybe? :)]

Was a little down last night, after having another life/career talk with some officemates . Here is one ugly truth. I.am.tired. Very tired, in fact. Of the rat race. Sucky compensation (vs time spent working). I could go on, but I won't. Ranting will achieve nothing.

I'm beginning to think I'm not as brave as I think I am. Or maybe, it's because I've done my share of fighting in this lifetime, that all I wanna do right now is stand still.

Of course, Santiago is telling me another thing. I've just finished reading "The Alchemist" last weekend. "The world's greatest lie is that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate.."

And there are times that I wish I can go on believing that lie. Times when I am reduced to emotions vs logic. Times when I randomly interpret events as signs, to fit what I really wanted to do, anyways. Or to believe in. Times like last week. The sad thing is, there was no remorse. Or guilt, for that matter.

It's a scary thing. To realize that.

What does that mean, anyway? To be dark and twisty? Makes me think about the typhoon last weekend, which literally rained on my parade, among other things.

Yeah, we all know about Milenyo by now. Wednesday night I was alarmed to hear that it was going to be signal #2 in Manila. I was going to leave for Cebu the following day. I woke up Thursday morning as the winds banged against the window panes. I still haven't packed so I frantically stuffed clothes, pasalubongs into my "overnight" bag. I put on the TV as soon as I knew something was on, and viola, the typhoon has escalated. I sat there in shock unable to believe my luck (or lack of it). I dialed the airline's hotline (which of course we know will never go through, not even on a normal day). Even the news didn't mention cancellation of flights. By 8AM my brother told me flights were a go. So with that, I hurried off to the airport. The winds were definitely getting stronger, but I got checked in and waited. By 10AM, even inside the airport waiting lounge, it didn't sound so good. I decided that I valued my life more than a day at the beach so I got myself offloaded from the plane. Turns out they cancelled the flight anyways.

The trip back home was an exciting one, as trees and other stuff fell right before our eyes. We were moonwalking, instead of walking. Wow. Ok, definitely a sign from the high heavens.

I slept through the typhoon, unable to stand all the darkness and turmoil by my lonesome, and woke up to the sight of fallen trees and flood outside my condo.

I was bummed about getting stuck in Manila, no electricity and no water to boot. I couldn't even cook since I only have an electric stove and microwave. So I didn't eat lunch and had sardines and refrigerated rice for dinner. Yum. Warm coke tastes nice too.

Friday I had little to no hope of getting a flight to Cebu. I managed a half bath with what was left of my stored water, wishing I could get a flight out so I could take a long, nice, warm bath. I headed out to the devastated streets, already quite hungry now, also in quest of an ATM. Good luck to me. The gas stations were closed so I opted to drive close by. The nearest mall was jampacked, and cars were still waiting to get inside.

Finally, I found an open bank, and finally got myself some money. All the restos were full, so I settled on a carinderia coz by then, I could have eaten anything in sight. Another good news came as my dad was able to book me in a late afternoon flight. Things were looking up.

Despite the 1.5hr delay, I was glad to be finally HOME. No more darkness. No more silence. No more temptation that creates dark and twisty ;)

Saturday I was off to the beach, but before that, a quick stop for lunch at my favorite chicken resto - Sunburst. Yumminess. Hahaha.

Soon it was mango margaritas and sand on my feet. And friends not bound by time nor place. Old tales of our youth not so long ago :) New tales of love and life and dreams.

Laughter. Drama. Craziness. Packed in a day's goodness.

I couldn't ask for more :)