SEPTEMBER POLL

Thanks to all the 19 voters! :) I'm one of those who couldn't vote because, silly me, I forgot to include a choice like "what love story? i have a non-existent lovelife.." or something like that.. hehe..

If your love story were a movie, which would it be?

You've Got Mail - 47%
When Harry Met Sally - 31%
Sweetest Thing - 21%

Should I be surprised that a movie that involves email in starting a relationship had the highest votes? In this day and age, it should be expected, right? If I can choose my love story, I'd like it to be somewhere near Harry and Sally's.. Friendship, a long one at that, is still the best foundation of a love relationship.. And as for the Sweetest Thing - well, I do hope I won't end up like Cameron Diaz's character who bar-hopped her way into finding Mr. Right, just because I don't think I have the energy for that anymore.. Plus of course, I tend to be a wallflower in clubs, so what am I even talking about, right? :P

Comments from the voters:

* "Go to the mattresses!"
* but i really do like Serendipity ;)
* quirky guy + equally strange girl yup definitely when harry met sally for me with you've got mail at close second. only because it involves email. :)

Thanks once again for taking your time to click on your choices.

October poll is up. Pls. vote!

THOUGHTS FROM THE PAST
Was going through my archives while I was trying to prepare for my meeting in AZ tom. I came across something I wrote more than two years ago. On August 20'00. I've just been in OR for about two months then. Am feeling a sense of deja vu...

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I must have played backed Martin’s VCD 10 times already in the last hour or so. Ironically, listening to him croon “Kahit Isang Saglit” gave me comfort in my solitude. Watching him sing those 4 songs over and over again was far more appealing than any of the NBC network comedy shows. Not to mention I felt like I was out with the crowd in Hard Rock Makati, on my usual Friday/Saturday night gimik.

Here I am once more in the land of milk and honey. I have joined one of the biggest tech industries three years ago, and since then, I have traveled to the U.S. back and forth, on mid-term intra-company assignments. I was never one of those who had the American dream. In fact, I spent my youth marching the streets fighting the puppet governments who imposed oil price hikes, and who encouraged prostitution by selling our country in the guise of tourism. But times do change. I am now on the other side of the tracks through some ironic twist of fate. I try to avoid my former comrades fearing that the word hypocrisy is written on my face in bold red.

But I am really deviating from my own thoughts right now. As I sit here, choking on the smoke I exhaled a few seconds ago, I try to organize the multitude of words going through my head. Years ago, I’d be writing away in my journal, then have trouble reading my own writings afterwards. Thank goodness for Microsoft and computers! Haha.

So about that American dream… The first time I was here, I thought to myself, so this is what all the fuss is about. This is what all those people are lining up for through rain and sun, and even paying a hefty amount just to get someone line up for you in the wee hours of the morning. This is what people are shedding their dignity for – exchanging a life of mid-income comfort, for a life of double jobs in the blue-collar economy. Filipinos come here, shedding their own identity, just to be subject to racial discrimination, albeit subtle.

So, okay, life here is more comfortable. Better infrastructure, services, and goods. The toothy smiles from Wal-Mart salespeople are very addictive. You’d think that these people who just stand in front of the store to welcome you should have better things to do, but I admit they make you want to buy more. The U.S. is definitely a place that takes customer service seriously. Back home, if you dress down while shopping, the sales ladies would shrug you off without even thinking looks are not indicative of your buying power.

Here in dreamland, I get to live in a nice apartment, with more high-tech gadgets than the ones I have in my matchbox-sized apartment back home. But not everyone is as lucky as I am. Although most of my friends live comfortably here, some are also victims of downsizing or the crash of the dotcom myth. Our skin color is a liability. And though I work in a company where the culture is altogether different – much more tolerant, if not accepting of interracial differences, the real world is a tad different.

Yes, it is cleaner here. The grass somehow greener. And I like the way things are in this side of the world. But at the end of the day, I long for the sunny, warm country that I was born and raised in. I dream of better things, but I want to dream it in the place I call my home. I want to dream it FOR the place I call home.

GOTTA LOVE...
... these childish squabbles that go on in a fairly mature working environment:

Him: So you think I'm not doing my job?
Me: I never said that. I just want a commitment from you.
Him: Well, my answer is I don't know. Asking me if I know when I'll hear back from xxx is like me asking you if you know. Because you don't and I don't.
Me: Uhm. Ok. Then I'll just consider this a delay then. It doesn't look like we're going to get any progress this week.

(btw - after this conversation, Him called Me back after 5 minutes and told me there's a guy who can do it na daw. so he can turn it around faster after all.. )

... co-workers who leave you an 80s voicemail, expecting you to have the patience to hang on to every detail of their inquiry requiring you to make an analysis and more horrifyingly, expect you to get back to them with an answer..

And my answer is: First of all, hello? I don't exactly rely on email for communication that much, but aren't voicemails be for messages like "Hi, I'm so and so, from this group, and I have a question for you. Pls get back to me at xxxxx". Not for: "I wonder why you're using the tools.. blah.. blah.. we defintely have to close on the gap..blah.. blah.." Sorry, although I did not intend to blow him off entirely, voicemail for me should never be used for important work communications. I will welcome an 80s mushy, sweet nothings from, uhm, Mr. Cube neighbor, though.. Hehehe...

... Fridays.. Really. Even if issues came up that screwed up your plan for a lovely weekend in sunny Arizona, you can still look forward to sleeping in and not having to wake up and face work again. Not until Sunday afternoon anyways. HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND, ALL!

SEX AND THE SINGLE GIRL
First off, thanks to all the dear people who've left me wonderful comments in my previous post. You are all so kind. I really still am speechless with longing for my family and loving friends... but I promise to call them... much more often... Muah!

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"...she is at the end of her emotional rope. Her brother’s engaged, her best friend’s pregnant, she hasn’t dated in a year, and she can’t sleep. "

Sounds like pretty much me, only, it's my best friend who's engaged, my sister who's pregnant, and the rest is pretty much right on the mark.. :) This is what lured me to watch this seemingly unknown movie (to me, anyways..).. And what a darling it was! Not so much because of the parallelisms I can draw with my own life, but because the movie is refreshing as it is romantic and funny. And it tackles an unconventional subject - a same-sex relationship. But this is not really a gay movie rather a story about one woman's dating hassles, work challenges, personal realizations, dreams and awakening.. her struggles to conform with society and yet want to break free of it to experience a love she might not find somewhere else... Your everyday single girl's life.

So now my mantra is: Do something out of the norm (yeah, like I haven't been.. :))... Break a few rules (like maybe, be the one to ask a guy out, for crying out loud!)... Who knows, maybe you can find friendship around the corner (or in the next-door cube), or love? :P

KISSING JESSICA STEIN. Oh really, please. Watch this movie. (I have to say - it really got me thinking..)

EMPTY
I've been on my own too long to know that I will not mind growing old alone. My nomadic life has trained me for that possibility.

But there are nights like this when I feel the aloneness of going home to an empty apartment. Nothing here but my TV, CD's/DVD's, books and magazines, clothes and shoes, my laptop - and the smiling faces of my family diplayed in my corner table..

I miss my parents. I miss my siblings and nieces and nephews. But the ironic thing is, I rarely give them a call because I don't want to remember that I do miss them... I'm a sad, sad person...

GUNG HO
What is the wildest thing you've ever done?

First day in our MBA class. I knew there and then that Prof. Gloria Benigno was something else. She proceeded to say, I'm a DOM - a dashing, old maid! I'm 84 (I forget exactly but she's in her 80's) and I'm still here, full of passion and energy.

I'm sure she'd approve of my skydiving. Without question. Funny, because I've been reconsidering doing this for the past two nights. The risks are too high.. But she would just have laughed and told me to go and jump.

Ok, class, say it with me - "Gung ho".

I've never met anyone her age who still possessed so much zeal and commitment to what she's doing. Heck, I've never met anyone MY AGE, who possesses such zeal and commitment. Burnt out yuppies, mostly.

She's a lawyer (also sister to Phil Star columnist Teddy Benigno), but she has chosen to teach, because that is her passion. Immediately, she became my role model. Hell, she was able to make something out of her life - WITHOUT A MAN, and she turned out happy, and content and successful. And I knew then that I'm prepared to face the future, with or without a husband.

But I digress. Ma'm Gloria also taught me to read. Again. I have totally taken that forgranted. And she had a lot of stories to tell... Jack Welch was her favorite.. Bec. I read, class... There is so much you can learn, if you read.. If there is something I want you to take away from this class, it's to develop a love for reading.. She was teaching Principles of Management.

Prof Benigno definitely lived her life to the fullest, doing what she loved most, with so much passion it's almost contagious. I will miss that zealousness..

I'm sorry I will no longer be able to take any of her classes. I feel sad that I never got to read those books that she recommended. And I will never be able to make her proud that she did convince me to read again.. She passed away last September 9. But she is one of the very few professors who've made a permanent mark in my heart. I'm just happy I was able to thank her before I left school last term.

SOMEBODY SAVE ME

... I've been shopping like a maniac.. Shoes, CDs, perfumes, books..
... During the last two weekends, I muted my pager, unhooked my phone, and just kept to myself.. Had no desire to see or be with other people. Did nothing but watch movies, MTV's "The Real World" Marathon (even found a RW blog).. The Real World pala started last 1992... Since then, a Real Worlder has died due to AIDS, a couple of crew members got fired for dating the cast, two couples got married, and someone landed a part in Dawson's Creek. To think I hated this show so much.
... I'm hooked to WB Sunday (Smallville, Gilmore Girls, Charmed and I've never anticipated season premieres this much... Grabe, I wonder what happens to Smallville... Can't wait till Sunday!)
... I cried while watching A Mirror Has Two Faces.. Sobrang kaka-relate ako sa ugly girl Barbra.. :P This movie is good pala.
... No matter how tired or sleepy I am, I still sneak into the big blog world. Hee.
... Work, work is piling up.. Too many things to do.. people to talk to.. Panic time.
... I'm turning into ... gasp... a Martha Stewart wannabe.. I actually attempted to cook... without the help of Mama Sita last weekend. And I totally didn't do it right.. Yet, I'm now starting to collect recipes to try out the next weekends.. Including a turon recipe.. Eeek!
... Speaking of turon, I just get tongue-tied around Mr. T - my cube neighbor and err, crush.. I'm such a wuss.
... I'm going to posting-lyrics mode again. Which means alala ko na naman si TLB. Haay.
... btw, Remy Zero's : Golden Hum is a must-buy album. Specially if you need saving, like me.

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Save Me - by Remy Zero (theme of Smallville)

I feel my wings have broken in your hands
I feel the words unspoken inside
And they pull you under
And I would give you anything you want, know
You were all I wanted
And all my dreams are falling down
Crawling around

Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right thru and
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just stay, stay
Oh come on
I've been waiting for you

I see the world has folded in your heart
I feel the waves crash down inside
And they pulled me under
I would give you anything you want, know
You were all I wanted
And all my dreams have fallen down
Crawling

Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right thru
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just stay, stay
Come on
I've been waiting for you

And all my dreams are on the ground
crawling around

Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right thru
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it
Just save me
I made this whole world shine for you
Just stay, stay
Come on
I'm still waiting for you

NOT ONE OF MY BEST DAYS
The last few weeks have been toxic. My task list keeps getting longer, no matter how I cross stuff out. I have to calendar my lunch so I remember to get out of the office for a while and take a break. I have meetings at this time every now and then. Arrgh.

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Ah, summer has really ended, and it's already starting to drizzle.. Today was so gloomy. Dati, I thought OA lang mga peeps when they said, kaka-depress.. But when you don't see the sun for 6 months, it does get to you at one point.. Hope I can make it through this time.. So not a good time to not have a boyfriend :p

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I don't have any particular reasons to do it, except that the (hidden) daredevil in me just can't let it go. I'm totally scared of heights. But I'm seriously thinking of ... skydiving. So help me, God..

SHORTAGE?
Came across a PDI article via Cheesedip. Condoms are being pulled out from stores like 7-11. Apparently, "condoms destroy morals".

The "disappearance" of condoms in retail outlets is partly due to the aggressive campaign of the Catholic Church against contraceptives. In Iloilo, the Church has reportedly threatened not to renew the lease of several department stores, including SM and Gaisano, if they continue to sell condoms openly." -- rest of the article here.

The Church surely has bigger issues than contraceptives. How about hunger and poverty, unemployment, underemployment? Teenage pregnancy? Abortion? Overpopulation? And in light of all these, selling a condom is what's immoral?

I don't get it.

9/11 - THE PRAYER
"The Prayer"
by Josh Groban (feat. Charlotte Church)

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe
La luce che to dai

I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore restero
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarchi che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'e
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe.
Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza

Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E'il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera

SEARCHIN'?
how much should i bring when i go to dish in rockwell powerplant.

hehe. aliw.

WARNING: MAJOR PMSing POST
I'm so loving Josh Groban right now.. His soothing voice is what I need to calm me down and inspire me.. Wish ko lang, me kakanta din saken ng "You're Still You"...

"Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you

I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you"

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While waiting for my midnight meeting last night, I made a couple of posts.. Killing time.. Thought balloon: where did that phrase come from, anyways? "Killing time"... We can only kill what has life. So does that mean that time is alive? Does it breathe? It merely goes on and on, to eternity... And that may mean it has life.. But to kill it, one must stop it, and no one can stop time. One merely spends every ticking minute of it. Passing it. So does it mean spending time is killing it? And in the same argument, does spending your life, living it, mean, that we are really slowly killing ourselves? Ah.. must have been the effect of my multi-vitamins, melatonin, and a couple of smokes... I really should push to have those meetings earlier.

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Has been a long toxic day... Oh, what am I saying has been.. It's not over yet. Dami ko issues... Is it really man's nature to be selfish? Like you give them a hand and they want to take your whole arm? Or torso. And make me a friggin' manananggal. And why, why is it so hard to do it right the first time? Saves a lot of pingpong action between players.. Saves me a cigarette or two because less stress means less urge to go down to the lung cancer center to huff and puff..

* * * * *
I'm whining. PMSing I suppose. And it's not helping that my office crush - T - is making me dedma sobra. Taray nya. I gave up moving to a bigger cube because of him?? What was I thinking?! And I almost wanted to make him turon (banana roll/lumpia?) (for a disaster cook like me, that is one big sacrifice), because apparently he likes that. Haay. *bangs head to cube wall*

TOP REASONS WHY
... I'll never be a "Mr. Bam" (you know that chef guy) :P or a Martha Stewart for that matter:

1. Everytime I attempt to cook (i.e. broil or fry something), I trip the smoke detector. Ok, not always. But most of the friggin' time.
Now a friend told me that to "untrip" that irritating alarm, you have to cover the detector with a damp cloth. At my God-given height (bless my ancestors), even when I stand on a chair, I still can't reach the ceiling. So how do I do it, you ask? Am not telling... hehehe.. Kakahiya sobra...

2. I have to use Mama Sita's food mixes to cook adobo, sinigang, and tocino for heaven's sake!

3. I could never cut the correct size for those clingwraps.. Gah.

4. The only motivation I have for washing the dishes and pans after is my purple scrub with butterfly design.. (Ok, so here I could always use the dishwasher.. But still...)

5. I have not yet cooked without getting burns on my hands and arms.. Ouch!

(But I do know how to cook rice... Not using a rice cooker, mind you..) ;-)

CIRCLES AND SQUARES
For you folks with big hearts (and if you live in the Philippines), check out this Christmas project by Din and her children. God bless them :)

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Ey, if you haven't noticed yet, I've put up a monthly poll thingy.. Vote naman kayo... For fun lang.. :p

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I've also decided to compile my "so they say" qoutes... Ala lang...

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Haay... have a midnight meeting na naman...

HMMM...
I came out #1 for the search "filipina, "I smoke""... It's bad enough that in the company where my friend Rene works, my site is firewalled, but I end up top in other searches that involves a vice... Like maybe, "drunk girl pinay" (where my site, btw, appears as #1 and #2?!) or "tequila helping women lower their standards for years". Grrr..

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Came out #2 for the search "jologs the movie" and haven't even watched that.. Sabi nila if you're with the appropriate jologs crowd, enjoy daw the movie.. Konti lang jologs dito pero dami geeks.. este, geniuses pala, pwede kaya? Hehe.. I'll watch it, if only for Jodi Sta. Maria. I've always adored that girl. Di ba nga, fan ako ng Tabing-ilog? Hehehe... O, send me a vcd naman? :P

p.s. While checking out this search where my site again came up, I discovered me jologs na rin sa web. Gawd. :D

9/11
Just thought I'd mention that by posting about my ultra-excitement in my upcoming NY trip, I don't mean to trivialize 9/11. NO. Like everyone else, I remember it vividly. It's been almost a year now, and yet I don't need any TV tributes or news to remind me of the horrors of that day. And on the 1st anniversary, I will offer a few minutes of silence, and a prayer to all the victims and heroes, and a prayer for world peace.

TAN TAN TA NA NAN... NEW YORK, NEW YOOOOORK!
Ok, so I know Thanksgiving is still a couple of months away, but vacations always need to be planned. (Even if they're always subject to change, but that's besides the point..)

Anyways, I'll be taking a weeklong break... I'm going to New York! Yey! Really, I'm so excited. My friends and I might also stop by some other cities in the eastern corridor (Washington D.C., Baltimore, Philadelphia?).. I've bought my plane ticket but still need to make hotel reservations (which we haven't finalized because we have to close on our itinerary). For sure we'll do the touristy stuff in NY. And watch a musical or two (Les Miz and/or Beauty and the Beast). But the rest we have to figure out. Any suggestions on the lodging and places/things to check out?


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Forwarded email:  30 Signs that you're working too hard (yeah, i can so relate... even if di halata sa blog ko! ;))

1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
2. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."
3. You refer to dating as test marketing.
4. You can spell "paradigm."
5. You actually know what a paradigm is.
6. You understand your airline's fare structure.
7. You write executive summaries on your love letters.
8. Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
9. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page presentation with six other people you don't know.
10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.
11. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."
12. You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
13. You explain to your bank manager you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
14. You end every argument by saying "let's talk about this offline".
15. You can explain to somebody the difference between "re-engineering, "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing people's asses."
16. You actually believe your explanation in Number 15.
17. You talk to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.
18. You talk to department store personnel about improving their turnaround time.
19. You refer to your previous life as "my sunk cost."
20. You refer to your significant other as "my co-CEO."
21. You like both types of sandwiches: ham and turkey.
22. You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.
23. You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend.
24. You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.
25. You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.
26. At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.
27. Your "deliverable" for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills.
28. You use the term "value-added" without falling down laughing.
29. You ask the car salesman if the car comes with a whiteboard and Internet connection.
30. You give constructive feedback to your dog.

SMALLVILLE


Just finished watching this week's episode of Smallville. I've been following this show since I got here. Something about heroes and pain and unspoken love that just makes for a good story. This week's episode though is probably one of the best. Specially the ending --- a rainy burial scene, where the expressions of the three teenage characters spoke more than words could ever express. Eva Cassidy's melancholic rendition of "Time After Time" is an apt background. Clark had learned that Chloe had feelings for him. He started to realize he cared about Chloe when she started dating another guy. And Lana, the ever so unreachable Lana, comes to terms with her feelings for Clark. But she is held back by perhaps pity or sense of duty to her boyfriend who just lost his father. And in the end, all three are just stuck in that place, where emotions need to be put aside, for reasons that the heart may not fully understand, but the mind regrettably does..

Haay... am feeling senti again.. My period must be coming up..p.s. Ain't Tom Welling super gorgeous?!! :P

YELLOWSTONE LOG#1
To say that Yellowstone's wonders is breathtaking is an understatement. I was completely awed. The >15-hr road trip was quite uncomfortable but well worth it. It's amazing how you can just see wildlife walking beside your car. Suddenly crossing the road. Or simply grazing in the field. I didn't even know what a bison was 'til now. Too bad I didn't see a bear. If I was sure they'd be as friendly as Yogi or Pooh, I would have intentionally left food out to attract them to our camp site. Hee... Old Faithful faithfully erupted as predicted. The lakes, waterfalls, hot springs were lovely and inviting.. Anyone care for a mud spa? :P I hope I can get my digi cam fixed so I can download the rest of the pix.. Cross fingers...

BACK
... from our camping trip.. am tired.. but 'twas fun.. breathtaking.. amazing... only 'twas a helluva long drive.. we took turns driving but sitting in the car for 15hrs or so is just so-not-fun... am happy to be sitting in my couch again. more on my yellowstone adventure soon... i just broke my digicam so now i couldn't even download the pix from the other memory card.. and those were the good ones, too.. huhuhu..

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Danielle, a Mustang Girl stumbled upon my blog. Thanks for dropping by! Mustang is definitely one of my first stops when I go back home next year and sure, I'll get drunk :P hehe..

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this song sums everything up for us...

LOOK AWAY
by Chicago (excerpts)

Well, you called me up this morning
Told me 'bout the new love you found
Said, "I'm happy for you.
I'm really happy for you."
Found someone else, I guess I won't be coming 'round
I guess it's over, baby
It's really over, baby, woooh
And from what you're saying
I know you've gotten over me
It'll never be the way it used to be
So if it's gotta be this way
Don't worry, baby, I can take the news okay

But if you see me walking by,
And the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
If we meet on the street some day,
And I don't know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don't look at me
I don't want you to see me this way.

When we both agreed as lovers
We were better off as friends
That's how it had to be
Yeah, that's how it had to be
I tell you I'm fine,
But sometimes I just pretend
Wish you were holding me,
Wish you were still holding me, oooh
I just never thought
That I would be replaced so soon
I wasn't prepared to hear those words from you
I know I wanted to be free
Yeah, baby this is how we wanted it to be

If you see me walking by,
And the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don't look at me
I don't want you to see me...
Well, you called me up this morning
Told me 'bout the new love you found
I said, "I'm happy for you.
I'm really happy for you."