I hate waiting. It’s the absolute worst way to spend your time on. I had my long overdue test yesterday and results are due out later. Gosh, I really do hate hospitals. Went to MMC first, and it was so hard to find a parking space. There were so many people lining up for consultation. I can’t believe that many people are sick. When I finally went up to the lab, the next available sked for the ultrasound was next Monday. I couldn’t wait. Super torture na. Made calls to three other hospitals. Finally chose Chinese Gen since my sister is a part-time consultant there. They said they could accommodate me. I waited for 3 hours. Slow torture. Mas lalong torture coz I watched all those kapuso teleseryes while waiting. Finally it was my turn, I lay on the bed, and the nurse just looked at me, stoic, as she did the test. When she went out to confer with the doctor, tears rolled down as I lay there waiting. Lying there reminded me of a forgotten time. Urgent Care. ER. Several blood tests and ultrasounds. So many people poking. The doctor telling me I needed immediate surgery. 50-50% chance that I will die. I was bleeding internally. I remember telling the doctor if we could push it out one more day. Because I was away from home. And I had no family with me. Just a partner who couldn’t even bear to stay in the hospital. I said I needed to inform my family. What if I died and they didn’t even have an idea of what I was going through? Can I please make an overseas call? So they let me. Because the surgery couldn’t wait another day or I’d bleed to death. I called my younger sister. Told her not to let my parents know about my condition. But I wanted to let her know in case something happens. The most heartwrenching 3minutes of my life. She was crying because she wanted to be with me but she can’t.
Fast forward to yesterday. And I told myself, it could be just nothing. But facing death again, now with more time to wallow in it is really making me nauseous. Back then I didn’t even have time to digest it all. After the call they wheeled me in to the OR. The next time I opened my eyes, I was crying but alive. And out of danger.
I don’t want to go through it all again. Please, dear God.
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