STALKER TALK

Being stalked makes you paranoid and wary about the people in general. But once you find out your stalker is lurking somewhere in your workplace, it makes it all the more scary. I once was too naive to think that since the company I work in has very high intellectual and moral hiring standards, I was not going to run in to this very primitive behaviour.

Until of course I became a victim of stalking. That all happened about 2 years ago. Because of all this technology, it has become easy for someone to invade another's personal space and privacy. Let's call my stalker Moron. Until now, I don't know who this person really is.

Moron began with sending me messages on my pager. Yes, back then, pagers were still existent. In the Philippines we've always used the alpha-numeric types, and though the common way is to call the paging company and have them relay the messages to the owner, web-based paging was also available. There was no user-verification necessary, and anyone who knows your pager number can send you messages and not have to identify themselves.

Initially, Moron sent seemingly harmless, anonymous pages. "I saw you today. You looked beautiful.." "I like your blue dress".. But even then, I tried to get in touch with the web administrators and asked if they can tell me who sent the messages. I was told they had no way of knowing. So I let it go. But then Moron started sending more obscene messages - like saying he liked my black undies (Eeek - I dare not think how he found out, that pig!) and started making references to my anatomy.. Of course, then, I spent most of my life inside the office, so if this AH (asshole) knew what I was wearing and would send me messages during the day, he had to be in that same office.

Oftentimes, stalking victims think that it's somehow their fault that the stalker took notice of them. At some point, I had thought so. In fact, I almost listened to a friend's advice to stop wearing skirts to work, and stop wearing black undies. The hell!

Luckily, I relocated to OR on assignment. I thought I had heard the last from Moron. But just a few months later, I started to receive anonymous emails. Needless to say, they were bordering on the obscene. I again tried to check with the emailing service, but since it was not an ISP provider, they also had no way of tracing who the AH was. He used bogus accounts in Yehey and Manila.net, which both provided free email service. I really didn't (and still don't) know if it was the same person from back home. It was kinda absurd to think that the stalker would "follow me" half the world with his obscenities. But it was also a huge coincidence if I was stalked by two people within a few months.

Since I knew I was in a practically losing battle, since I had no way of knowing who he really was, I just continued to ignore his emails. Then I started dating someone in OR, and naturally, spent a lot of time with him and sometimes hang out in his apartment. Suddenly, Moron started mentioning my boyfriend's name AND apartment number in his emails. That made me fuming mad. Whoever Moron was, he was definitely someone I knew and someone who knew me well enough to know who I dated and where we went. And then, I also feared for my safety. What is he tries to physically harm me?

I did some research and found that stalkers are most likely to be someone you know, and who is in close proximity with you. Apparently, they get their fix when they see your reaction firsthand. I guess they are most happy when they're being invasive but with them being in a comfortable distance. Aside from observing your reaction from afar, getting some sort of response from you just excites them even more. I made a mistake by "pleading" with him and asking him to stop bothering me. He didn't.

I eventually told my boyfriend about this Moron. I figured he could probably help me deal with Moron in one way or another. I forwarded one of the emails where the boyfriend's name was dropped, and he replied to the Moron, bluffing him and saying he has all the information he needed and we would contact HR if did not stop harassing me.

And the moron, the bastard, the coward did stop. And despite an advice from a colleague, I did not contact HR. But I know I should have. Back then, I just didn't want to go through all the hassles involved. But by not reporting cases like this, we are actually making the people who are supposed to look out for us feel that everything is cool and safe.Besides, who knows who he's terrorizing now?

To this day, I wonder if any of the people I smile at is actually Moron. And I shudder at the thought. But of course, I have moved on. The last thing I want is to give him victory by feeling terrorized. He stalked the wrong girl.

Just today, I learned that one of my officemates got a post-it with a computer-printed obscene message. "I want to have sex with you". Sounded very familiar. It has only happened once (to-date) but once is friggin' enough. I adviced her to go down the path that I didn't go to. This time, I wanna at least help make it right.

I don't know what kind of actions we can take against stalkers since more often than not, technology can keep them in the cloak of anonymity. I think the best way to deal with them is to let them know that you can go on living a normal life and not let them terrorize you. And definitely, escalate to appropriate authorities.