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Published Monday, April 14, 2003 by XY | E-mail this post

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E-pisode ENDS
If not for that fateful stairwell meeting with MB, things would have been so different the last two months. I would have dug an even deeper hole of that impossibility called E. Because deep inside I know without MB, I would not have had the strength to pull myself away from E. Even if I should have done that a long time ago.

Bakit nga ba it was so hard for me to walk away from E? We had such a strong connection. Without talking so much, we understood each other perfectly. We had the same dreams of living a simple life but we are both stuck in this corporate BS. We had the same dream of leaving this world we live and breathe in, but the impracticality of it all is stopping us. He wants to be a photographer. I want to become a writer. And yep, it certainly helped that we were phyically attracted to each other too. But then, some things are just not meant to be. Some people were just meant to pass by. E is one of them.

Call it irony, call it fate. But for several months, I only shared moments with E. We only saw each other when he had meetings here. And finally, he had a 2-month assignment here. We were both looking forward to it. But as fate would have it, I met MB a few weeks before that, and that changed the course of my life. I only saw E twice the last two months. I had to make a deliberate effort not to be in the same social functions with him, because of the fights I had with MB about him. After three tries of driving him away, E finally understood that I didn't want to see or talk to him. Just when we would have had the chance to see each other, because MB has gone off to a three-week vacation, E was also leaving. We did have a good talk last night. Things finally made sense to him. He said he wanted to come over and give me a big hug. Because who knows when we will see each other again. I was sorely tempted. But then again, I made a promise to MB. So, with a little tinge of regret, I once again said NO.

Let's just pretend we're giving each other a hug right now. I told E over the phone. How could I pretend that? It's not the same. I know. But that's what we got. Because things are indeed different now.

E and I had a good talk. We both knew it will be years before we see each other again. Maybe even never. And the over-the-phone goodbye became painful because of that. But, then, at least we were able to say what we wanted to say.

E: One day, when I become a photographer, I'm gonna find you so you can write the essays for me.
Me: Sounds like a plan.
E: It doesn't hurt to dream, you know. The moment we stop dreaming, life loses it's meaning and inspiration.

Right on, E. :)

And that was how it ended. This story about E.





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