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Published Thursday, August 07, 2003 by XY | E-mail this post

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I AM SAD AND HEARTBROKEN BUT I HAVE TO STAY STRONG
My heart is in so much pain right now, it seems like it's about to burst. But as soon as the tears dried up, and the night passed, I saw a hint of the sun. And it dawned on me, I have to stop crying. I don't know if I can learn to not be sad. But I don't wanna shed any more tears.

And so instead, I will focus on the wonderful memories.

I will remember that first time we had a long conversation of sorts. Nothing but playful banter but you made me smile. You made me laugh. And I remember you told me, "Give me four days and you will forget him".. Him being the ex I was trying so hard to forget. What a prediction that turned out to be. Even if you yourself forgot you even said those words. Because in a matter of days I fell head over heels in love with you.

I'll remember that same night, when you asked me to stay. I so badly wanted to stay because I had felt that chemistry. And I left with a tiny tinge of regret. But then a few days later, we accidently met in the stairwell. And I remember smiling inside because I didn't think I'd see or hear from you again.

I'll remember our first date. And you drank a huge glass of margarita. And you like adding salt on it.

I'll remember the love plant that you gave me. No one has ever given me something live to take care of.

I'll remember the first rose you gave me. You had left it inside the apartment and it was one of the biggest surprises ever.

I'll remember all the little surprises. The notes and KitKats that you'd leave in the car, pillow, drawers.. they never fail to light up my day.

I'll remember that balloon on my birthday. And everyone in the office was looking at me curiously and probably with envy.

I'll remember how we used to hold hands like we were afraid to let each other go. Even while either of us was driving, we'd still continue to hold hands. I remember feeling like being in love for the first time.

I'll remember how you cooked for me. You called a friend in Utah just to learn the recipe for arroz caldo when I had my wisdom teeth extracted. And the shrimp recipe, crabs, because you know how much I loved them.

I'll remember all the laughter. All those times we watched Basta't Kasama Kita together. I remember the movies we shared.

I'll even remember the bad things. The worst things. Because those things made me appreciate the good even more, and made me strive never to repeat mistakes.

I'll remember you. The man I shared vows with. Even if those vows are now a blur, I had valued them in my heart, more than you'll probably ever comprehend.





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