SENTI
"No matter how much I don't want to believe it, life has no meaning until you share it with someone..." - Ally McBeal
This time I know I’m not just PMSing… But I can’t help feel this way… There’s just too many reminders that I’ll be going away soon… Keena, Rochelle, Thet (I never see Cristina anymore since she shifted to Regis, but she’s still in the loop…) are mega-planning on all sorts of get-together activities… They want “exclusive” time with me, since I’m mostly hanging out with Daisy, Pat and the rest of my other MBA friends lately… And just when Sieg and I have finally figured out we’re soulmates, too! :) And oh, I’ve been spending a lot of time with old friends lately… Like Emong, because his wife is on maternity leave, so he can hang out na… Hehe… And of course, who can forget my forever best friends - Petite, Risa and Arlene! I feel like I have to maximize my time with all of them… I have been through a lot during the last year, and these are the people who have been there for me, and fished me out from near self-destruction... Haha... When I get to OR, I will be with my team… One of them is a good friend, and yet, knowing how work can get pretty toxic over there, I’m pretty sure, it will just mostly be, me, myself and I…
Traveling didn’t use to get to me this much… But I guess people do change over time… But I don’t want to use desperate measures naman just so I can survive this upcoming ordeal… Let’s take for example one of my engineers… He is pulling in his wedding by more than half a year so he can bring his fiancée (by then, wife) with him… He said he couldn’t bear another assignment on his own…
A lot of my friends and family are telling me they envy me… You know, I have a fairly decent job that I like, and I get to travel to places I didn’t even dream of going to… But they don’t know what happens behind the scenes… They don’t know that I spend a lot of agonizing moments weighing all sorts of options..… There’s just way too many iterations… And most of the time, it’s hard to make decisions on what to give up… Because, always, you have to give up something… or someone… And I may be flippant about it most of the time, but actually nearing the brink of insanity is not far off from the truth…
I do have an option not to go. It’s a question of what’s more important at this moment…I remember a conversation I had with Johnnie a long time ago…
Johnnie: So what are the things that matter in ur life? What makes you really happy? What is the promise that you are holding on to? What is life for you?
Trixy: Sometimes, it's hard to discern what really matters in our lives... Sometimes we want to do all things at once. The curse of the go-getter or achiever, I believe. What makes me happy? That's an even harder question. A lot of things make me happy. But in the end, even if it seems it is against everything that I believe in and emulate, I'd want to be happy in the company of a good person who will accept me for who I am… take me - hook, line and sinker. At the end of each day, after I pack up my stuff and put my notebook to standby, I want to go home to someone.
Johnnie: Yes! It boils down to a "someone". "A person" who will eventually be the purpose in everything you do. And life will revolve around that!
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always on vacation mode ;)
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