REPEAT MODE
My life has been stuck on repeat nowadays, pretty much like my "Art of Letting Go" CD. No matter how much I inch forward, I get dragged back to square one. Why, why, do I allow myself to be stuck here? I feel like I'm in a coma. I'm breathing but life has snucked out on me. Perhaps I'm waiting for others to pull the plug.. Because no matter how much I try to come out of this, I just can't seem to do it. I want to live again, I really do. But here I am again, hiding away in my apartment, refusing to see the sun that is shining outside. But hey, at least I can eat well now.. I ordered delivery from North Park.. A feast, compared to my last few deliveries from Tapa King and McDonalds :) Those fried prawn dumplings never fail to cheer me up.. After cutting on my expenses for a while now, so I could help someone else, I decided to treat myself today. I have given so much to others.. I felt like I deserved a delicious meal. It was a symbolic act, of course, no matter how babaw. Time to be a bit selfish again. Heck, I couldn't even afford to get my eyebrows shaped... I figured that someone else's need was so much greater than getting rid of stray hair. Nevertheless, I don't think I have any more to give. I am drained. More emotionally than anything else. And I want to pamper myself. I need a real vacation. Somewhere far away. Where pain is a stranger, and deceit unwelcome.
Today, I'm dreaming of a long stretch of white sand beach... I'm walking barefoot as waves splash all the way to my ankles... I sit down under a tree... read a good book while sipping a pina colada.. I feel the breeze brushing my cheeks, the sun against my skin... And I could hear nothing but the sound of silence... Peace.