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TO BLOG AGAIN

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I decided to blog again. I know it's so old school and twitter, facebook and instagram has outdated blogging. But blogging has always been cathartic for me. And I need that. To heal. The last time I blogged, I mentioned that my dad called me up to check up on me after the Japan earthquake. That was more than a year ago. And since 9 months ago, I would never hear his voice ever again. Well maybe in my dreams. My papa left us unexpectedly. I had only been home in Cebu for barely 2 months, and he left. He was one of the reasons why I left Manila for good. Because I wanted to be with my family and spend more time with them. But sickness happened. Cancer happened. And before we knew what hit us, we lost our papa to cancer. I have not quite recovered yet. How I wish I had more time to spend with him. How I wish I didn't live in Manila for so long. How I wish I spent more time with him the day he passed on. how I wish... And some wishes just don't come true. But life goes on. Even if I sometimes feel lost, wondering why I'm here, I'm still thankful that I went home when I did. One month may have seemed too short, but one month is better than nothing. I got to hug papa a lot. And tell him I loved him. I took care of him in the way I knew how. And I'd like to think I gave him a bit of strength too. It's not enough for all that he has done for me and my sibs, but I tried. I tried. There's still a lot that keeps me going. Among them my other great loves - my husband and my baby nephew Hans who just fills me with so much happiness. I love all my nephews and nieces, and I have doted on them at some point in their lives, so I know they won't take it against me that I'm just so in awe of this little one. Maybe because he was the bunso and my papa's most recent favorite apo. Our youngest nephew was only 2 months old when papa passed away so they didn't really get to bond as much. Life is like that. Always full of twists and turns. And we just have to live and love to the fullest.





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