NEAR YET SO FAR
Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye.
Remember me ev'ry so often, promise me you'll try.
On that day, that not so distant day, when you are far away and free,
if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me.
And though it's clear, though it was always clear
that this was never meant to be,
if you happen to remember, stop and think of me. – Think of Me, Phantom of the Opera
We have not been in the same city for so many months now. Nor in the same room. And the air was just filled with so much tension. And no matter how much we pretend to have gotten past all the pain and the hurt, we’re just not there yet. As we leaned beside each other, we were so close and yet it was the farthest apart we’ve ever been. I tried to drink myself into oblivion. But it’s as elusive as always. And when the intoxication wore off, I remembered every single detail when we were together. I’ve never felt more alone.
I watched the Phantom of the Opera last weekend. And the loneliness of the phantom echoed familiarity. The loneliness that comes from loving someone you can’t ever have. The loneliness that comes from caring for someone so much and yet you can only do so from a distance, in the darkness that has oddly become your solace. The loneliness that you try so hard to fight. Or deny. The loneliness that you sometimes forget about but it lingers on and never really goes away. The loneliness from accepting that I’M doing all the thinking, all the feeling, all the hurting. The loneliness that YOU no longer know.