I MADE MYSELF A PROMISE
... that I'll never be that person who will only appreciate family after they're gone forever...

I feel kinda sad.. bec. I think my older sis is tampo with me.. After all, I'm the sister who never got to see her newly-born nephew in the hospital, or the sister who snubbed her Ate's birthday to be somewhere else. At that time, I had thought I made the right choice. In hindsight, I could have saved myself all the trouble, and not put myself at risk driving back alone, had I only not been so stubborn in listening to what he has been trying to tell me, directly or indirectly.

Anyhoo, so I told her last night I'll dropy by their house later, after class, because it's the bday of another nephew. And she said she'll just let me know if they're there because "WE might eat out, eh"... She didn't ask if I wanted to go. Just assumed I guess that I will be busy with something else, or be with someone else's family. And I know I said I never want to regret anything I do in my life, but just learn from whatever mistakes I did, but I feel a bit of that right now. My family has ALWAYS been there for me. And I always go back to them, whenever life does not go so well for me. They are the ones who love me unconditionally. The ones who accept me for who I am, not for what I can do for them... They are my stars, I know they are always watching over me, because I've been living on my own for what - 7 years now........

I cannot take back what I did. I just feel so sorry because in choosing to pursue other things, I had hurt them. And it's time to reconnect with them. I vow to think more clearly the next time around. I promise to always show them how much they mean to me. I promise.

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Ah, feeling a bit tired now. But was not able to send out my report earlier because the network was sooooooooo slow and someone had sent out a 4MB report. What's up with that? Grrr.... It took forever to download, till I figured it was time to give up. And all I really want to do now is sleep. But can't, not yet, as I missed the deadline again. Darn. Two in a row. I promise to get my act together na. So my personal life is a wreck. I can't have the other things in my life destroyed, too.

Good thing the management presentation went well. I got a pat in the back and the warning that "It will be a challenging year for you. We are counting on you guys for our earnings!".. I've heard that way quite a number of times already. Some of us are getting sick of the "challenges" already that we're on the verge of forming a secret society, aptly named "I hate ________ (insert project name here)".. :D Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean that we don't work our asses off, because, we do. At the end of the day, no matter how the going gets rough, we still love what we do. We thrive on problems.. What can I say, aren't we a bunch of geeks, after all? :p

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I also promise to not get hooked on sleep aide. That I'll only take one if I'm really desperate. Like last night. A nasty headache and swollen eyes later, I still continued to toss and turn in my bed, I went out of the bedroom, trying to decide how to finally give myself some rest. I would have loved some warm milk, except that I don't have milk, and aside from water, the only other drinks I have are four cans of beer. I was tempted to drink them, except that I had not eaten anything for dinner, and I really didn't want to deal with my hyperacidity on top of everything else. I popped a couple of Advils for my headache and one sleeping-gad-thank-you-pill. And in minutes, my eyes couldn't keep open. And it was all good, until I found out I slept through the alarm once again. I still promise not to get hooked, but I'll have to be on it for a while.. Just until the insomnia goes away again. Otherwise, I might have to move to Cavite. And I don't want to. Even if my pad is not that wonderful, this has been home for two years now (though technically, i was away for more than a year)... And I've been moving a lot over the years, living in the U.S. and back here... And I've come to hate it, along with airports. I wanna stay put this time... Get rooted. I wanna unpack those boxes (yes, they are still packed) and I hope I don't have to pack again for a long, long time......................

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Though I dislike sitting it out in traffic while rain is pouring heavily, I still love rainy nights.. Rains give a lovely backdrop on night outs.. For lack of a better word, romantic. :)