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Published Monday, January 12, 2004 by XY | E-mail this post

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DETACHING MYSELF FROM THE PAIN OF ABUSE
From the book, Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie describes detachment. "But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it."

"Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely - but eventually be able to say, All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I'm going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I'm going to experience them as well".

So I detach myself from those hurtful words "I hate you", and so on. I feel the pain, and I recognize it. But now, I'm not going to dwell on it. There is too much going on, and there is no room for that. I'm sorely tempted to get angry too and say "Go to hell!". But then, what will that give me? Certainly not the peace that I want.

Right now, all I can do is remain calm, and understand that I am the one abused, and it is not my fault. Because I have done everything to show how much I care, that in spite of all the taunting, I continue to stick around. And I realize now that although it is my choice to give and I'm doing it without asking for anything in return, at some point in time, I have to do a little bit of the taking. And all I really want is some respect and appreciation. And if that does not happen, it is no longer being selfless but foolish.

I will not let the pain control me. I will leave that pain. Instead I will focus on the love others have for me. Because even if I still love you, I love me, too.





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