Life can be ecstatic, exciting and extraordinary... if you make it to be.

« Home

SERENDIPITY IS JUST A MOVIE A few weeks ago, I was... »ULTIMATE REGGAE PARTY Xaymaca's "ultimate reggae ... »I MADE MYSELF A PROMISE ... that I'll never be tha... »I'M OFF TO FIND SOME LUVIN' :) Nah, just coffee an... »WHAT A LOVELY WAY TO SAY GOODBYE... Tonight someon... »RESTLESS AGAIN, OBVIOUSLY Third entry for today. I... »MAYBE, WHEN IT HAS TO COME DOWN TO THAT I should j... »A TEXT MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER L "Di... »REPEAT MODE My life has been stuck on repeat nowad... »PASENSIYA NA PO MGA KAPATID :) ... at mejo lyric p... » 

Published Monday, November 17, 2003 by XY | E-mail this post

E-mail this post



Remember me (?)



All personal information that you provide here will be governed by the Privacy Policy of Blogger.com. More...


GOING AWAY FOR SOME SUN
Will be on hiatus for a while. This blog has become my drug of choice, my way of escaping the ugly realities of my life in the guise of coping with it. But the magic is slowly wearing off and I need, so badly, to get my life back on track. For the nth time in the last few months, I failed to make myself get out of this sanctuary, or more like a hideout, really. I had to ask myself if there was a reason for me to wake up. And like every too often, I ran out of reasons.

I did a lot of thinking and decided I'm just tired of trying to be strong most days... It's hard to pretend to be ok, when deep inside you're just in utmost turmoil. I mostly get by, but there are days like this when I have to face that girl in the mirror who is weak and sad and hurting. And I cannot run away from her. I'll take a break from school next term, and after this term is over, I'm going to ask for a couple of weeks off from work as well. If I had extra money, I would fly off somewhere far, but in the end, I'd also rather just go home. Home to my parents. And just let things flow. I will deal with the pain without any pressure to put up a strong facade or to have to deal with work and school at the same time. I need to just acknowledge that I'm not superhuman, and in doing this, I'm not being a loser, but just being normal in trying to deal with some things that I cannot do on my own. I need to be surrounded by people who love me, I mean in its truest sense, not because I can do something for them in return. I need to accept that weakness, but only in order for me to find my strength again. I need to be humble in saying, I just need to grieve, not be ashamed to show it to other people. Because sometimes people just expect too much. They think that because I'm a feisty gal, I don't get my heart broken. They think because I succeed in most other things, that I don't fail in the one thing that I once thought was the most important thing in my life. I just need to wallow without thinking about how my engineers are doing, or worrying about my school paper and things like that. I'm tired of going out at night, just to show everyone that, hell, I can do this moving on bit, without batting an eyelash. I just want to get real without feeling bad about it. I just want to take down that mask and not be afraid of the consequences. Just for a while. Until I find myself waking up without the heaviness I feel right this moment. I'll back soon, hopefully a better and stronger person. Or just back to who I used to be before all this.





Dose Me

Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com