The ex is here. For good. In the same timezone, a few hours drive away. Too near.
We have been talking over the weekend. I caved in by returning his call. Bad idea. I always charge ahead even when I know it's bad for me. He's bad for me. And I ticked off D because of that. He was mad. And now D doesn't want to talk to me. Hopefully it will pass. I like D. I like having D in my life. I have promoted him to semi best friend status. He really does get me. And he's so not afraid to slap me back to reality. Figuratively, of course. He is harsh sometimes, but I needed to be told that way, so I can stop being sentimental, and stop this thing with the ex altogether.
Why am I still talking to him anyway? Didn't I already establish a long time ago what a monster he is for putting me through so much abuse? Why do I turn jello whenever he suddenly starts being Mr. Nice as D would say? D asked me, "aren't you tired of getting hurt?"..
I think D is tired of me too.. Of me being hot and cold, and happy and sad, laughing and crying. And I realized last night after we had a "fight", that it's him I want to keep in my life, and not the ex. D may not be the man of my dreams, but he is a damn good friend. These days, I'd rather have a friend, than have a prince who might eventually turn into a frog.
I know I'm the only one who can put an end to this saga with the ex. I have to be firm. I have to constantly remind myself that he is no longer the man that I used to know. That man is long gone. Maybe that man never even existed. D tells me to put that reminder in my email, handphone, PDA, whatever it is that I use daily. I laughed. And he told me he wasn't kidding. Much as I hate to admit it, he's right of course. I need a neon sign right before my eyes, reminding me to flush the ex out of my bloodstream. D's silence is definitely more effective than his words. It's only 8AM and I miss him already.
Labels: exes, relationships
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