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Published Wednesday, February 08, 2006 by XY | E-mail this post

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I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU

 

I was telling Van and Jay the other day, what’s worse than being single during this curse of coupledom called Valentines, is not even being able to relate to the whole warm and fuzzy feeling of love. Or being in love. Sometimes I wish I was telling someone this very moving line from Brokeback Mountain “I wish I knew how to quit you..” Because it doesn’t really mean he wants to quit, but he is so overwhelmed with love, he doesn’t know how to handle it anymore. And I used to want that. No. I still want that. I want to want that. But after several heartaches, it seems my heart just stopped.

 

Just barely a month ago, I was wondering how I can ever un-love bestie. No matter what I tried to do then, he was always in my heart. I loved him so much I went into the I’ll-take-whatever-I-can-get mode L But one day I woke up and realized I was so tired. Of crying and longing for things that I can never have with him. Of wishing he was mine to love and to hold and to hug. It was one of the saddest days in my life.

 

And just like that, I was able to quit him. My heart quit on him.

 

Sometimes it scares me because it’s as if my heart has quit on love, too.





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