So there was a little drama after all over the weekend. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Goodbye is coming sooner than we would have wanted. That’s probably why we’re trying to pack in everything with whatever time we have left. We met up Friday dinner time, and parted ways early Sunday morning. There was a whirlwind of activities in between – including meeting up with his friends, more conversations, but none on his upcoming trip. It’s an unspoken agreement, I guess, to just enjoy the moments as they come.

We were supposed to see each other Sunday afternoon again. But some changes in plans. He wanted to see me instead on the dates I agreed to meet up with Aussie, as he had some family obligations to take care of before then. His brother would arrive from the States on Labor Day. I took this as an opening to stage a fight. I needed to choose, and didn’t know how. So this was where the drama part happened. It was my way out. (Or, at least, I thought so). I must have rejected more than 20 of his calls that day. I finally muted my phone at 10PM, and decided to sleep early. By morning, I read some of the messages that came after I put my phone out of commission. And one of them left me, ern, speechless. He said the L-word. Argh. I’m not ready for the L-word. This is just all too much, too soon. By then, my little drama hour already backfired on me. I felt so guilty about giving him hell for something that wasn’t really a big deal. And I surely didn’t imagine that would coax the L-word out of him. Gah.

So, after asking about the Labor day bike plans, I made my peace with R, said sorry for acting crazy. I also decided to skip the bike ride altogether. I certainly was not in the mood to torture myself physically, given the emotional torture I was already putting myself through. He called me around 8AM, and invited me to join the welcome party for his brother. Uhm, not exactly the solution I wanted, but glad that the dilemma was resolved. I got out of having to say no to him, not knowing whether to tell him the truth or not. I got my easy way out. But why did I still have this nauseous feeling?

The party was at dinner, so I took the opportunity to clean up my wardrobe during the day. The pauses were spent thinking about Aussie. He still hasn’t called. And the truth is, if we didn’t have a prior agreement long before I saw R again, my heart is telling me to get out of our “date”. People tell me he’s probably just going to surprise me tomorrow. Unfortunately, that is a big possibility, knowing him.

Dinner time came, and so did meeting R’s family. I met his brother and parents for the first time. They were very nice to me, it actually made me even more uncomfortable. His friends were there again, so I didn’t feel left out at all. His mom’s brother in law was sobrang laugh trip. He was already tipsy, and he started interviewing me. He asked how R and I met, where I lived, who my parents were etc. The funny part was that his eyes were on R and I almost the whole night. Everytime R and I would look at each other, talking with our eyes because there were lots of people around, he would call it out. “Oh, eyes to eyes na naman kayo. Parang me ibang meaning yan. Matinding pagmamahalan”. Hahaha.. Or “Oh, R, bakit nakahawak na naman ang kamay mo ha...” Or ”R, siya na ba ang iyong diwata?” And when we were eating, susubuan sana ako ni R. When the food was midway to my mouth, uncle caught us and called it out again. Laugh trip talaga. The whole thing wasn’t at all bad. But I was so nervous. Dalagang Pilipina ang dating. Hahaha. R brought me home after midnight, but we stopped by for coffee on the way home. Still more talking. Yeah, we talk a lot. And I like that. And I also like that he makes me laugh a lot. It was almost 3AM before I finally managed to catch some zzzzzzzzz’s. And hour and a half later, I was up. I packed my clothes for the dorm, and left for work about 2 hrs later. Hehe. I went back to bed after taking a bath, and sneaked 30 more minutes of sleep J

Tomorrow is the day that made me pick a fight with R. And I’m still praying that somehow, Aussie has changed his mind about meeting up.

And so maybe, even if I’m not acknowledging it, I already know who I’m choosing. But the thing is, my heart has always been stronger than my mind. And it has not done me any good so far. How am I supposed to know that this one is any different?! Argh.