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OF SECRET LIVES AND DESIRES (PART 2)

Published Saturday, September 23, 2006 by XY | E-mail this post

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"How much more can you take really?"

This is what I've been asking my friend who is in love with her male best friend of sorts. This is the deal. They started hanging out as friends, just as she was trying to forget yet another worthy of forgetting, two-timing I might add, man. He's sweet, thoughtful, and boyfriend-like in most cases, except that well, he was always clear with his intentions. And that is, except for some ocassional more than friends benefits, all he can really offer is friendship.

Now to a girl who has by this time has already fallen in love, that is more than devastating. Not only to be told that hideous "let's just be friends" line, but also along with that, "I'm still in love with her". Ouch. Majorly.

I can understand how love can make us do crazy things. Charge it to youth and inexperience ;) I've been "rejected", too, when I fell in love with erstwhile bestie though fortunately, before I had a chance to make a fool of myself by fessing up, he introduced a girlfriend to me. I was also devastated then, but there's no room for misinterpretation for cases like that. It's as clear as someone telling me "I'm in love with someone else". No minced words here.

I mean, yeah I can be crazy in love, but not deaf. So I cry a bucket full of tears, maybe thrash about in my bathroom floor, down liters of tequila, blog 3 times a day, but I don't hang on to those unrequited feelings. I do what I can to move on. Which does not involve keeping the best friend status, because, obviously, that's adding insult to injury.

I don't understand what it is she didn't get from what he said to her 6 months ago, on freakin' V-day at that, and what he has repeated to her in various iterations since then, and then again, with another theatrical performance a few weeks ago. Maybe it's the same crazy desire to stick to a relationship that's clearly not working (like your SO beating you up, or something like that), for the sake of "saving" it. So I'm not judging her. Plus, it's her life, and she's free to make her choices, no matter that I don't agree.

As for me, with the wisdom of hindsight to back me up, I realize now that it wasn't those relationships that I was trying to save, but saving myself from having to start all over again. In my friend's case, I'm not really sure. I guess it's her secret desire to finally be in a real relationship. Who knows. We all have our secret desires...

So, I say, ok, go, keep on holding on to this man or boy or whatever, if that's what you want. Ride that rollercoaster with him. But stand by that decision. Don't go to him, and then a few hours later, numb yourself with whatever alcoholic drink is on sight because you want to punish yourself for being weak and because you know you want more than what he can offer. If you really wanna keep seeing him and be his friend, driver, shopping companion or whatever, then go to him, enjoy being with him, and then after it's over, be happy and sleep tight. Because that is what you are willing to take.

Someone said contentment is better than happiness. And I say contentment is better than a hangover.





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