DOING THE TANGO
I keep moving two steps forward. Then turn around completely. Go backwards. I'm doing the tango. All on my own. I want to move on, but I'm also the one holding myself back. The thing is, even if we both decided to end our relationship, I know he also still cares for me. I know he loves me. And I am not just saying that to justify my indecisiveness. I can feel it with the way he still looks at me. We are just both too proud to admit to each other, how much we still both want to hang on to that love...
I am afraid to let go. Because this is truly the first time I've ever felt this intensely for someone. And my heart wants that intensity even if it comes with the promise that the fights are equally as intense. And do I really want that? My heart is telling me I do. It's what I live for. Passion, love. All that intense crap. But my mind tells me otherwise. It tells me that it's time to leave the chaos and pursue more stable things. But stability slows me down.
With MB, I know, things are always gonna be unpredictable. There's always the excitement of not knowing what comes next. And yet, part of me was afraid of that. The part that wanted me to get out of the relationship. The part that is trying so hard to be heard. The part that is slowly losing. Because no matter what I do or say, I've always known that it is him I want to be with.
I don't know what will happen next. All I know is that I do not want to give up on us just yet.
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always on vacation mode ;)
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