I'M HAPPILY MARRIED
I opened my mail today, and this was the first news that I saw. An ex, whom I had a relationship with for almost 5 years, and who had not really gotten in touch with me since our very ugly breakup, finally sent his hello, in form of that bit of information. Does that mean he is no longer mad at me for causing him to throw away a $xxxx diamond engagement ring at an airport trash bin, because somehow, in our few months of struggling to keep our long distance relationship together, I had fallen in love, with someone else? Does he still ever think about that time when he was supposed to fly down to propose, instead, we ended up returning 5 years worth of gifts to each other (not my idea, btw)? Does that mean that after 3 years, he has forgiven me, and we are finally ready to be friends again?
Well, are exes really supposed to be friends after their relationships fail? Is that absolutely necessary? MB, on the other hand, was telling me, if we can't figure out what to do with our relationship, at the minimum, we should be best friends.. F* that. I don't wanna be just best friends. Not with the man I had loved (still love) with all my being. I can't deal with that transition. I'd rather that we move on with our lives, with no communication whatsoever, like me and my-ex-who-is-now-happily-married. If MB and I decide to throw in the towel once and for all, I'd rather that we just keep the distance, and pretend we never shared a home together or more importantly, shared a love that was so strong it shook our worlds. And maybe in three years, I can also open an email from him, and take his good news, with honest-to-goodness happiness for him or maybe, just not care at all. No pain. No longing. And even, no wishing for things that were not meant to be. Just a smile and a quick reply of "Good for you! Congratulations!".
As for my ex-who-is-now-happily-married, he deserves to be happy. He was a kind man who wanted to give me the world. But in the end, we ended up in two different worlds. Literally. And figuratively. And I'm truly happy that he has found that woman who fits perfectly in his world.
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