A few weeks back, MM (my man, though he really isn't, but indulge me na lang) and I were mulling over life in general.. About how we move along fine most of it, then suddenly, a curveball is thrown at us and we are taken aback. We talked about a lot of things, and then he asked me - "What makes you tick? What is your passion?"

It's a question I've evaded for a long time now, not because I don't know the answer. On the contrary, I do know, and I know it very well. I know that it is the reason why I can never be really truly happy where I am now.

Don't get me wrong. I like my job. I like what I'm doing, and specially, I like that because of this job, I was able to do a lot of travel outside the country, which I might have not done on my own.. And yes, travel is another one of my passions. I like that my job is able to provide me with a comfortable enough lifestyle, and has helped me get a home of my own. I like that my job keeps me challenged, and keeps me thinking and analyzing day in and day out, that sometimes, I even dream of numbers and graphs. I like that my job keeps me sharp and on my toes, and helps me learn new things, almost on a daily basis, if not so. I like that my job allows me to work with so many people of different backgrounds and culture, and that is has definitely widened my horizons and beliefs. There are so many things I like about my job.

But since I was a 10, I always knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to write because I loved it as much as I loved life. I didn't even know it then, but my English teacher (whose name escapes me right now, but I will forever be grateful to her), saw that passion and helped cultivate that.. She enlisted me and another kid who soon became my best friend to join and write for our schoolpaper when we were in 5th grade. We were the 1st grade schoolers who became a part of the paper. Through high school, I just continued to write, churning out poems, stories, articles, essays, as naturally as one would breathe. But after hanging over the medals, I had to take a different path, one that would prepare me better for the "real world", as my parents told me. I stopped writing in college. It was like I never even knew what it was like. After college, all of a sudden I felt tired. Now that I think about it, it's kind of the same tiredness that I feel now. I had no real interest in finding work, and this time, it was my best friend who reminded me of my passion. She urged me to write for this newsletter instead while trying to figure what I really wanted to do. So there I was, a licensed engineer, working as a writer for a tourism newsletter, and loving every minute of it! But after three months of doing that, it suddenly became clear to me that I could not live off on the salary I was getting, and I sold out.

8 years later, here I am, still yearning to do what I love most in life. It was only 3 years ago that I actually started to "write" again through my blog, incidentally, again, at the urging of my best friend (I just realized how much you've done for me Fudz, just reminding me of the things that make me tick :) THANK YOU!! And I miss you..)

This time, MM urges me to do it. Best friend dude jokingly told me to write a book about my horrid relationships (why not? Live to tell.. hehe). Seeing all these Summit books have inspired me to do it. My gay friend is telling me to give it a go.

So what's stopping me?!

All sorts of excuses really.

Until today. Today I woke up and suddenly found some inspiration somewhere along the time I was getting ready to go to work at 5AM till the time I passed out (ok, not really, but I got dizzy).

I don't know if it's just the viral infection, but I really want to do this. :)

I.can.do.this.

Labels: life, passion