September 18, 2004, 1AM:

I decided to hit the mall after work for a few minutes to get rent money, buy my cig supply for next week and just walk around to decompress.. The mall is my solace. There I can be anonymous and have precious hours to myself, away from all my work and 'lovelife' troubles.

I purposedly avoided going within 2km radius of my favorites shops, lest I go into my I'm-heartbroken-so-I-deserve-a-new-top-or-whatever-suits-my-fancy frenzy.. Hehe.. I've already vowed many times before, that I will not let any man be a reason to drain my bank account via unplanned visits to the spa, salon (and later on curse the high heavens for the dreaded I-was-depressed-so-I-had-my-hair-done-ok?! haircut) or unplanned shoe/CD/clothes/DVD/kikay purchases. I can do that on my own account, thank you very much. :)

But, my shopping maniac nature just wouldn't escape me. So, determined not to go beyond 1,000 pesos, I decided to humour myself and buy, you know.. stuff I NEED. So if that was the only money I have left, I used it up on the ff:

1. Marlboro Lights, 1 rim - ~P300
2. Contraceptive Pills - ~P500 (Ok, dude, don't react! Prescribed by my OB for health reasons! hehe)
3. Book - The Breakup Diaries by Maya Calica - P150 (Well, I needed a distraction from my recent "breakup" story.. I wanted to buy Cosmo, but the title was just too inviting to pass up.. No regrets. I was truly entertained. My review below.. His is a lot more comprehensive, though) 4. Parking fee - P40, and I had a few pesos left to boot! :)

I left the mall, feeling quite happy and ready to go back to work (on a Friday night, yes!), and realized I probably made a couple of contradicting purchases. So I SMS'd my two best friends (both doctors) - "Ey, can I smoke while on the pill?".. Best Friend A "No, mam. :( Prone to forming clots even if you don't have wounds. Can cause clogged blood vessels". Best Friend L "As if you'll stop smoking if I say you can't! Hehe.. Nah, won't kill you now. Prolly 10-15 years later".. I just love how different my friends are. But of course, L is right. If I had to choose between the risk of getting pregnant, vs not smoking, I'd obviously take the 1st option. Hehe.
So anyways, I ended up reading the book when I got home. It's an easy read so I was done in time to still catch the folks in the U.S. and complete my work deliverables for the week. Yay me!
The book is entertaining, like I said. Every woman, who ever experienced a break up, imagined or otherwise, no matter what age or size, can relate. She wrote her novel in the manner of Bridget Jones. I found it distracting, sometimes, but The Breakup Diaries is funny and witty, and I would admit, I couldn't put it down.

I saw myself in Monica, well, not for the part where she would confess her sins every so often.. "... I've allowed him to, uhm, sort of touch me.. below my neck, Father..".. LOL. "A watched phone never beeps".. Another laugh. I had had to resort to putting my phone on silent mode, because I was already hearing my Itsuomo ringing tone even when it wasn't ringing, as I was constantly expecting for HIM to text or call, which he used to do, like daily, and all throughout the day. Nyeta o. Detox! (What do you know. After one day of no word from him, he SMS'd me with "Hi my friend".. "Friend mo mukha mo!", was my first thought balloon.. Though I really wanted to say, "Gago, I miss you". But finally replied with "Hi ka rin".. Argh. I've mutated into a teenager. If this were a scene from a movie, it would be from "30 Going 13"!)

Every woman who's been scorned has had to gather up all her strength and willpower not to cave with low attempts to jerk her feelings around by way of missed calls, drunken or sporadic SMS's, or random calls (like every 3-weeks random!).

Fought the urge to call Itos or even text back. Felt texting back would make me a major loo-hoo-ser. But, OK, will admit was going to reply except suddenly could not find name in the phone book. Just then, "DON'T TEXT HIM" was calling me.

Every woman who's been scorned has gone through psychoanalysis, doing a post mortem on failed relationships, and deconstructing the past to understand WHY, in the manner of:

Reasons why Itos broke up with me (must be written down, again and again, lest I forget!):

1. I'm too nice -- Itos's words
2. "He's too cute for you" - Giselle's point ( reassess friendship with G)
3. "He's an asshole" -- Teray's opinion (everyone is entitled to one)
4. I didn't sleep with him -- Raj's demented reasoning

Lol again. This book is worth it. (Though I have to reconsider if this will really be part of my last 1,000 peso purchases... I have to leave something for food and water, I suppose..)

Come to think of it, getting over a breakup is not that bad.. You know you're going to get better at it, the next time around.. It is also really quite funny. You can't help but laugh at your own eccentricities. The things you do. Good thing you have friends who can accept you, no matter how crazy you get. Chances are, they've had their moments like that, anyways. Right, dude?? :)

September 18, 2004, 11AM:

Just finished my early Saturday/late U.S. Friday meeting. Am hungry. Oh, phone just lit! Message from... "IGNORE HIM! HE'S BAD FOR YOU!!" :D

Labels: book review, life, relationships