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WHAT IF THE HOKEY POKEY REALLY IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT?

Published Sunday, September 24, 2006 by XY | E-mail this post

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So this is where she's been :) Jessica definitely rules, and her signature angst and sarcastic humor is never lost on me.

Taking a cue from one of her recent entries, here are some of the people I'll meet in hell ;)

1. The cab driver who dropped me in the middle of nowhere at 12Midnight! Well, it wasn't really nowhere as it was in the Sales interchange, just right before you enter Fort Boni. The man pretended to have run out of gas. So why then did you queue up at the airport picking passengers, you *^%$#&@! In hell, all his passengers are hold-uppers who constantly rob him of his day's income.

2. My high school teachers who called me out for dating a boy younger than me. They had the gall to tell me I was like "old cow eating young grass". I was 14, for crying out loud. And he was 13, give or take a few months. How can I have been a freakin' old cow?? In hell, my female lit teacher married her young lover, and he left her before she could finish saying that mean comment. Oh wait, she didn't have to wait for hell for that.

3. The ex-girlfriend of my (not-yet-at-that-time) ex, for sending flirty emails and SMS to him and seeing him behind my back, then feigning innocence when I confronted her about her ill behavior. In hell, as it is on earth, there is this thing called karma, and she will marry a man who will continue flirting with his ex, see that ex behind her back, have an extra-marital affair and contract STD.

4. My yaya who told my "older" high school suitor that I didn't know how to put (sanitary) pads on my own. Well in my defense, never had the birds and the bees talk with anyone before high school, and when my period appeared before I was a teen, and at a time when all I wanted to learn were jackstone tricks, I could have cared less about knowing how to attach those bulky things. In hell, she has 30-day periods, 12 times a year.

5. THE EX who abused me. In hell, he will hook up with psychos who slash their wrist, get haunted by the ex of a girl he seduced, gets shot in the thigh by troublemakers in his club that will eventually close down... Oh wait, he's already in hell then.

6. Our high school commandant who pimped us to the military officers who judged our C.A.T. Pass-In-Review. He went through all lengths to win that gadem review, including feed us alive to pot-bellied pedophiles. We were just kids, for heaven's sake. I mean hell. In retrospect, I think that was the point when my innocence was murdered. At 15. In hell, Mr. Roa and his military cohorts are doing the duck walk under the sun all day and at night, they are commanded to do 10,000 helicopters!

7. My office stalker who never identified himself but terrorized me for more than two years, albeit sporadically. Yeah, there are perverts in the office, too. The idiot was stupid enough to have left a trail, citing incidents only someone close would know (like the apartment I stayed at while on assignment, and the name of the guy I was dating). In hell, he will stay in an isolation room, with my pictures posted all over the walls. I'll be in various state of undress, wrinkles and all, at age 85! Even I cannot take that. Wahaha.

8. My lone high school bully, who called me names, especially while playing football during Intramurals. In hell, he will be constantly rejected by the women he courts because he looks like a skeleton. But then again, he already does.





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