MOVING SOON
In a few weeks I’ll be moving again. I don’t know how many times I’ve packed/unpacked my stuff the last five years. I do know that I’ve done it once too many that it has become one of my not-so-favorite things to do. The thing is, you can never get all your things to fit into those boxes. No matter what you do, you’ll have to leave behind a few things. And I’m a sentimentalist, so I hate it when I have to part with a favorite trinket that a special someone gave me, even temporarily. But it doesn’t make sense either if I pack everything. It’s not only impractical. But there’s also a chance that it will just gather dust because it is certain that you will acquire/receive new things, and these things will become more important than the others before them. Maybe because you have finally let go of an old love and all the memories that come with him, or maybe you have outgrown your obsession over candles and dolphins. And what about the people you leave behind? Their happy faces in your albums can never replace their warm hugs or soothing voices. People always ask me if it’s hard to be living on my own. And honestly, it’s not. But it’s because I know that my parents are just an hour away by plane, and that my older sisters are just a few miles away. It’s different when I’m out of the country. Yes, after a while I learn to get by and get used to the empty apartment, and hanging out with virtual strangers and even make new friends with some of them, but no one can ever replace your family. Sometimes you get tricked into thinking that somebody could actually take the place of the important people in your life. And you actually believe that you’re ok. But sooner or later, reality catches up, and once it does, you remember that you are in a temporary world, and that people do strange things in order to survive the loneliness and the pain of separation from the world, as you know it.

At this point, I am neither sad nor happy. Or maybe I feel both. Part of me is saying – No, not again. Not when I have actually begun to feel comfortable in my Makati apartment, even if I hate it that the building is right next to a garbage truck parking lot or that my former-bold-actor neighbor is so arrogant I can’t even park in front of his apartment even for 15 mins. Not when I’ve actually begun to get used to my single-again lifestyle and enjoying the company of friends, occasional dates, family, and most of all, loving being on my own. In the real sense of the word. For the first time in so many years. Not when I have learned to juggle school, work, social life. Or even as babaw as: not when SC and I are finally getting to know each other. :P

But I need this change. Though I can say I’ve become much better at handling loss now, sometimes the pain manages to resurface. One of the most painful things is to lose a friend just when you have let him in your life and in your heart. And I need to be physically away. To forget. And move on. I need this career break. I’ve been out of the “limelight” since my product ramped down at the latter part of Q4’01. Which means I never really had the chance to exercise my leadership fully. Now I have the chance to start up a new product in my site. For a junior group leader, this is a very challenging task but I welcome that with all my heart. Call me strange, but I miss those early morning phone calls from the manufacturing personnel. I miss those off-hours meetings and weekend on-call situations. I want to be back in the picture again, and this is what I need. I need to grow. This time around, I’ll be looking out for the welfare of my team, not just my own. This time around, I have dozens of undefined responsibilities on top of my technical assignment. I actually am looking forward to seeing my former colleagues – specially my former mentor. :D

I’ll be putting on my techie hat pretty soon. And it’s scary and exciting at the same time.

Ahh. Time to pack those winter clothes again.