THE BAD GUY
Since the last fight with MB, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I talked to some old friends to get a different perspective. And I realized what I had known all along. That in most of my relationships, I've been the bad(der) guy. Or gal. I still maintain, though, that I don't see it wrong to be liberated, independent, assertive, and exercising free will. But to be such, comes with great responsibility. Because overdoing it is bound to hurt other people. Whether you intend to or not.
I realize how so Sex-in-the-City my life has been, well minus the sex part, of course ;) But really, I've been in way too many sticky situations that is more than enough for this lifetime. And this time, I no longer want to be the bad guy. I also don't want to remain in that cage that I had unknowingly built for myself. I had always thought of myself as a free spirit, but I was never truly free. And I want to be free this time.
MB has been telling me how ironic it is, because all this time, he's been afraid he might do something stupid to screw up what we have. Not only because he's the guy, but because he has not been doing well in the relationships department. But no, he's been nothing less than wonderful. Even when we fight, we still manages to keep his promises. Like one time, he said he'll go pick up my groceries while I was at work, then we had a heated argument.. A few minutes later, the groceries were at my doorstep. Last weekend, he promised to cook adobo for me, and before he walked out on me, he managed to do it still.
So I've been feeling really stupid lately. Because if I don't exorcise all the ghosts in my life, I might end up without this great guy, who still managed to walk back in that door, despite of my repeated insensitivities. And yeah, he's in my kitchen right now, cooking arroz caldo for the first time in his life, because I just had the other two wisdom teeth extracted, and I could not eat solid food just yet.
Yeah, it's definitely time to retire my Carrie/(a little of)Samantha act. It's time to kill that itsy-bit of bad guy in me. Wish me luck.
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