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DO YOU NEED TO LOVE THEM TOO?

Published Wednesday, September 03, 2008 by XY | E-mail this post

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In our culture, the family of your partner is always part of the package, whether you like it or not. Or make that, whether you like them or not. In two of my biggest relationships, I became very close to their families, especially their mothers. In fact, in my tumultuous relationship, one of the reasons I stayed that long (aside from sheer stupidity, haha) was his mother. She managed to make me feel like it was all a phase and that I had all her love and support. 


That is why it's quite disconcerting for me to feel alienated from R's family. I've only interacted with his parents once, and I use that term very loosely. I've only so far just met his two brothers, but not one of his three sisters. I've never met the two aunts who raised him as a child. And the more unfortunate thing is, despite the fact that I hardly know any of them, my initial reaction is, I don't really like them. Particularly his older sister. I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say that this has led to arguments between R and I. 

In this day and age, relationships have become centered on the two individuals in it. Unfortunately, we are still bound by culture and family, no matter how forward or liberated we are. That's just the way it is. Which leads me to the question - when you hardly like the family of your partner, is that a deal-breaker?

I'm not quite sure of my own answer to that. After all, I know R better and he is the one I'm with. But then again, we cannot just erase his family out of the picture. They will always be there, whether I like them or not. Even if I know in this case, the apple did fall far from the tree, I can't help but wonder if this relationship will flourish with some bad apples that came from the same tree.

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