The magic of the coming of a new year is that people always feel that it gives them a fresh start. Like a personal reset button, if you will. I guess change is always so hard to do or accept, that's why we need this magical or mythical push. 

Labels: crush, love, New year, personal

Whew. Didn't think I would finish deleting, archiving through 8 years worth of files and emails. But I did it!!

My unsolicited advice to all of you? Please archive your files sooner than 8 years. Hahaha. Grabeh. I cannot even begin to recount all sorts of emotions that I went through the last 3 or 4 days of doing this. Hahaha.

To my ex-officemates, I have no regrets, but I do wish I made my decision sooner. So if you even have any doubts about the reasons you're staying, LEAVE. I procastinated for THREE YEARS, maybe more. It only got worse as time went by.

But if you have found your calling there - it is a good company, if not the best. I'm not hypocritical. That's the truth. I'm leaving because that life was not for me. I have given too much (but still not enough). And it's time to pace myself and do other things that I love.

Last night, I finally cried (lagi kasi akong happy! hahaha). I'm not just leaving a job. I'm leaving a whole life behind me. What a decade it has been. And most of all, the thing that got to me was all the friendships and connections I've made through the years. Hopefully, the friendships will continue on (at least the ones that count :))...

Well, I'm off for one last hurrah in the tropics. (Naks). And won't be able to blog for a while.

See you around. I'm outta here!

Labels: goodbye, personal

A big blue light turned on, providing a glimmer of hope. If this plays out, I might have to believe in signs after all (and this story will have to be told another time, lest I give away more than I have to). Good luck, world.

Meantime, Operation Iwas was a success, but I was feeling guilty the whole week. Still am, but I don't know how I can mitigate the impact of the whole thing, or if I still can. He at least deserved.. some sort of decent uhm, rejection, for lack of a better term. But then again, he could have tried harder to "find" me, because I wasn't really hiding. Just kind of faded into the background. I guess I lost a potential friend. But this male-female friendship is really hard to play, especially if it started with an attraction part.

Oz is again in the picture. My cousin-in-law said they will be getting their PR soon, and they can sponsor me, if I still want to go. Hmmmmm.... I guess I'm not crossing this out of my horizon then... Not until I turn 35 anyways, and then I will have lost my chance.

Speaking of age, I haven't firmed up my birthday list. Not sure if I can get to do even 1. But I'll try. btw, thanks for the early birthday greet, Fudz!! Really appreciate it sobra. I miss you, and I hope you guys already pencilled me in!! Hahaha!! See you soon! :)

Labels: personal

I've been tossing and turning for more than two hours now. Can't sleep. Which is weird because my body is tired. And I slept late last night, too, owing to my weekend habit which I badly need to change, so I should have dozed off hours ago. But I didn't. I'm awake as a bat at night.

Could be either of these reasons:

1. I've once again learned the lesson on flirty vs friendly. And it's eskeri. So help me God. Operation Iwas in Day 1 worked. How about the rest of the week?

2. I'm still high on endorphins and energy due to a late, ehem, workout (haha! it was only really 40mins worth of cardio).

3. Haven't talked to R in more than a week. We last talked on Saturday last week. And he called @ 2AM Sunday, so naturally, I was right in the middle of my deepsleep mode. Whatever happened to waking up when he calls?? The spirit is always willing but the body is weak. I miss him very much and I really hope he calls again soon. I'm going nuts! And as an aside, it's been more than a month since he left. Time flies. And that's a blessing for lovers who only meet every so often.

4. I've been talking about moving on (to friends, family...), and I was so darn sure it's time. But lately, I've been rethinking it all. Oz is like shooting the moon. I have one known relative there (three, counting the hubby and the little baby), and they just moved recently. Quite a few people have some disappointing accounts - of discrimination, availability of "intellectual" jobs (or lack thereof) and then of course - the expected displacement of immigrants trying to have a clean slate somewhere else. And going back home - while the thought is definitely comforting, I'm not sure I can handle undoing my so-called independence. Lastly, shifting gears. This one appealed to me the most. But even the thought of an interview is making me nervous as hell. I can't help but think too much into the future. Am I really ready to let go of the life I've known for a decade now? Will change really be the nirvana I'm making it out to be? Or will I just reset the corporate cycle, and find myself in the same situation later, if not sooner?

Am I running away from something? Or towards something? Is this mid-life crisis in the works? Or birthday blues?

Or maybe it's just plain old insomnia.

Labels: mid-lifing, personal, R

There has been lotsa love going around the last few days with the friendships at Gov. It's almost perfect, except that we always end up missing Ali all the more. (Di bale, you were there in spirit. Kasali ka pa din sa pix!! Hehehe!!) :)

Anyhoo, the Gov crew decided to throw a soup rice (surprise) party for housemate Joe-seph. His much-awaited open heart surgery is scheduled next week, and we wanted to wish him all the best. The plan was elaborate, and everything went pretty well except for the fact that a few people came late, and a darned truck parked across the street, leaving us no room to park. Ergo, housemate drove to the next street, only to find the rest of the cars of the folks waiting inside.

When Joseph came in, the 1st question he asked was where were our housemates and how come he saw several cars parked in Hagerstown. I could not even muster an answer, and MZ (the lurer, hehe) just mumbled some words. I had to go inside before we totally spoil the surprise, and when Joseph saw the balloons and Izzie's picture (hot intern, haha!), he knew what was going on. The rest of the crew shouted "surprise" and they were so cute with the party hats and all. Sayang lang, no pictures. The camera didn't work!! hahaha.

Dinner was super yum with the wonder salad from the kids at Worcester, pizza, chicken, pancit and chocolate cake. MZ took care of the flowers (they were so lovely we took turns having our pix taken with the bouquet. Hahaha.. maawa naman kayo!! give us flowers na :p).

The highlight of the night was the Forbidden Questions - Gov edition. Alcohol-free on 1st round, and all questions answered by Joe. Galing. We were running out of ammo, I had to take out what was left of the see-you-soon-Joseph white wine and the tequila that was intended for the other office friends (hehe, bili na lang ng bago). We immediately ran out of tequila, so they went out to buy more alcohol, which turned out to be this super kadiri vodka. (Naku, my "blackout" mix, buti na lang, nothing strange happened, hahaha!!).

The night turned out to be a revelation of sorts. Someone was being a smart aleck so we had so much fun with the game. And who knows who was telling the truth or not? ;-)

It was so fun and funny!! Here are some of the questions, and I'm sure no one took anyone seriously, because as DJ mo would say - this is just a game! :)

Q#1: What is the size of your *ahem*?

7inches
3inches
5inches

The rest of the answers pretty much stayed around that range. and at the end of the night, someone admitted he lied. Hahaha!

The same question was picked from the tumbler for one of the girls, so she answered her bosom size "38A".

Smart aleck retort: Di mo na kelangan sabihin kasi nakikita namin yan!

Hahaha. Onga naman.

Then someone started guessing the cup size of all the girls present. In fairness, ang galing! Hahaha.

Q#2: Lights on or lights off?

Most memorable answer: Pwede both?

Ang hirap nun ah! Imagine the horseplaying that followed after.

Q#3: When was the first time you did "it"?

"It" being subject to personal interpretation. Haha. The average age was ~21/22. There were outliers on both ends of the spectrum. The other end is of course, obvious. Yung isang end - 16yo :p

Q#4: When was the last time you did "it"?

Answers: 2 years ago, 4 months ago, 3 weeks ago, may '06, last week, 26yo and then - feb xx 3AM. Me oras pa talaga! :p

Q#5: What is your favorite position?

Now this, I can't describe. Graphic masyado! Hahaha!! :p

Q#6: How long does it take before you finish?

7 mins... 1 min, 3 mins... 30 seconds!

Q#7: Wildest place you've done "it"?

Again, "it" is subject to personal interpretation. Some chose to answer the romantic place. Guess which is which. Hahaha.

"In front of the Mediterranean Sea, garden in parents' house, hot air balloon, sofa while someone was upstairs, kitchen, parking lot in a university somewhere, stairs in a condo while the guard was knocking..."

And the biggest revelation of the night:: the mystery of the broken electric fan was finally solved! Hahaha.

Labels: friends, party, personal