Hold the wheel while kissing. Put the gear on neutral, but not on park. Laugh it off when he asks you to stay. Look away as he gets off the car. Don't roll down the windows unless he turns around again and knocks. Do not look at him as he walks away. Do not listen to your heart telling you to not drive away. Pretend you're unaffected when he text's you 5 mins after you left. And then call you even before you can reply. Force yourself to sleep once you hit the bed. And not regret saying goodbye.

Labels: boys, relationships

"What you sow is what you reap.." .. I just got reminded of this big time in that 3-day workshop, and it wasn't pretty. And I have to keep repeating this to myself.

But D is in town again, and yeah, I caved. So much for the two strikes. Much as I hate to admit it, I like D. Scratch that. I really like him. He is everything I like in a man except for one tiny detail - HE IS A PLAYER. I have to have the willpower to digest that. I'm consoling myself because he truly is not attached to a single woman right now, so technically, we're really not hurting anyone else. Well, except maybe myself.

Argh. This might just be a classic case of a "rebound" love affair. He keeps telling me, "you're still in love with him". I don't blame him. I still have pictures of the ex and his children in my handphone. But this attraction or tension, has lasted for years and years now. But I also know why we're not together. Everything is simple really. But walking away is, just.too.hard.

"I wish you could have stayed", he said. If he only knew. I have not even driven away yet, but I already wanted to go back to him. Sigh.

Labels: boys, relationships

Is it because the man's hand almost reaches your cheek several times? Or his angry, hurtful insults and ugly curse words hurled at you everytime he goes on rage? Or is it because you don't stand up to him, and just bear all that? Because you live in constant fear that he might actually do worse, not just to you but to your loved ones as well?

What makes a battered woman? If you just ignore his rage and move on and walk away as far away as possible, are you ever going to be whole again? Or is it high time for you to go to authorities and fight for your right to live normally and be treated with respect? And if you do the latter, is it really worth all the agitation? Is it going to give you the peace you have been longing for? Or will all hell just break loose again?

What makes a battered woman? Is it the man who abuses you? Or you, who allows yourself to be abused?

Labels: abuse, battered women

The concert was a blast! I have not been in a mosh pit for soooooooooooooooooooooo long! There is just something very liberating about being in a rock concert, specially jumping, shoving, pushing, body slamming along with the music. Hahaha... Maybe last night was a tribute to my lost youth (argh!), a sort of last hurrah... but then again, maybe not.. Not just yet (I still have my Metallica concert to go to..) ;) Youth is after all, a function of our well-being and attitude, and not merely by age. :p

Well, I could carry on about Incubus and Brandon Boyd (OMG! hahahaha.. I'm such a groupie). But apart from the obvious bad boy appeal of the latter (i luuuuuv the tattoo'd arms), the band just has so much talent. Brandon writes good lyrics and their music is just, for lack of a better word, awesome.

Some of my favorites are Drive ("lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel.. Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes", Pardon Me ("So pardon me while I burst into flamesI've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games"), Warning ("Learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal.."), Just a Phase ("Temporaryism has been the black plague and the Jesus of our age"), Are You In?, Wish You Were Here, and from A Crow Left of the Murder -- Megalomaniac, of course, which made for a very good opening song because it definitely set the mood of the concert!; Talk Shows on Mute ("You're so much more endearing with the sound turned off"), Southern Girl ("Look no further, I'm yours") and Here In My Room ("If the world would fall apart in a fiction worthy wind, I wouldn't change a thing now that you're here...")... The list goes on.

The songs definitely express different moods, which makes it even more appealing. Some lyrics are angry, some can be tender. And in some cases, the lyrics echo thoughts that don't find their way out of my mind and to the person concerned. Just like this. This one's for you :D

"When you were down i always picked you up
Why didn't I recognize that everything was never fine?
I'm kicking myself that i shared spit with you
So fuck yourself
And fuck this bleeding heart of mine" - Leech

Labels: Brandon Boyd, concert, heartache, Incubus

And so I say my prayers for you.. someone I've never met in real life, but who has been a part of my life through my blog. Death will always seem surreal. And goodbyes are always sad...

Whereever you are, hope that you are indeed finally home...

Some of his few words for me during those times when I had just began my heartbreak saga:

"sometimes we need to know how sham feels so as to distinguish what really love is. don't lose hope, learn from it. It's all part of our so called life. "

"you really gotta add watching metallica to your to-do-before-I-die list ehehehe!"

Now I wonder if I was I even able to really let him know how thankful I was for the nice, comforting words that he so unselfishly offered? If I make it a point to watch Metallica before I die, will he take it as a sign of my gratitude?

Thank you friend. You (as well as some others) whom I've met through my travels and writings have made my nomadic lifestyle much more bearable..

So long...

Labels: friends, goodbye

Dalawang tulog na lang!! Guess who's going to hear Incubus live on Friday?

Are you in? ooh...ooh.. ooh... :)

Labels: concert, Incubus

That was exactly what a classmate said last Monday, after our prof told us to turn in 7 case studies, and read 5 chapters in our workbook. For a single piece of paper (diploma), this is a lot of freakin' hard work. I spent 9 hours in UCC (Ueshima Coffee Co) today (not the one in Global City) and spent PHP700 just to study Financial Management. Anyhoo, UCC Cafe Terrace is a nice place to hang out in during Sundays.. It's relatively quiet (compared to Coffee Bean or Starbucks), plus I like their smoking room.. Their food is also good (my personal favorites are the chicken teriyaki rice casserole and chicken teriyaki eggplant sandwich), and they have several dessert choices (but oddly, very few tea choices.. but of course, this is supposed to be a coffee place).. I love the coffee jelly, too! Yum. But, damn, is this place pricey.. Plus they charge you P50/hr for using their power... (I usually bring my laptop).. Ugh.. Still, this is a favorite study place.. I plan to hang out here for my Sunday study sessions...

Anyhoo, I almost want to quit my MBA.. I'm really getting so tired.. Or maybe I should cut back on the vodka.. The Sunday hangover headaches are not helping me any.

(Sigh).. And so I go back to my books again. Somebody please save me.

Labels: coffee shops, MBA

Walking back to you is the hardest thing that I can do... That I can do for you... - Just Like Honey by The Jesus and Mary Chain (Lost in Translation soundtrack)
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Lost in Translation is definitely my most favorite movie to date. Director Sofia Coppola has truly made a name for herself in this film. The daughter of the famous Francis Ford Copolla who directed the Godfather series, of course, (needless to say, my favorite movies of all time) has come a long way since she did her bit role in the last installment of that masterpiece. She aptly captures the emotions of two people lost in translation amidst the neon-lit and psychedelic Japan...

I have had my lost in translation moments, having to live in different countries for months at a time. I could empathize with the characters who find themselves not only lost in a new country with a different culture and totally unintelligible language, and also, not really knowing where they were at that time... (Reminds me of my own Costa Rica Lost in Translation experience, but I'll save that for another entry :))

Bob seems to be undergoing a mid-life crisis, who no longer understands where his 25-yr marriage is heading.. Charlotte on the other hand, is a young, fresh Ivy league graduate, who has only been married for two years, yet she already feels... stuck. "I don't know who I'm supposed to be"... Who has not said that at one point in their lives?

The two lost souls finally found solace in each other's company, their unlikely friendship getting deeper and deeper as days passed by. They discovered they didn't just share the insomnia that has plagued them since they arrived in Tokyo, but the general loneliness of being somewhere they didn't really get. They sought each other for that human connection that they so needed at that time... In subtle ways, you can see that the longing goes beyond platonic. You can see it in the adoring way Bob looks at Charlotte, or that time Charlotte got jealous when she discovered Bob sleeping with another woman... Unspoken emotions intensified that relationship, and we can feel that when Bob was saying goodbye to Charlotte in a busy Tokyo street.. And for the first time, they shared a kiss filled with such yearning and sadness and spoke volumes of their feelings towards each other. They didn't want to leave each other, but they had to...

What they had was an evanescent moment, that was never meant to be more than that.. Such goodbye leaves a heaviness in the heart, and yet, you just take it and walk away...

This movie is poignant yet has its funny moments.. One of the scenes I found hilarious was when a prostitute came uninvited to Bob's room, demanding him to "LIP my stockings.."... He didn't understand what she meant.. Lick her stockings? Or rip her stockings?

Lastly, this movie has excellent music.. I like Bill Murray's rendition of "More Than This" in a karaoke scene.. If CD's are not so absurdly expensive nowadays, the soundtrack would find its way into my collection.. :)

I feel bad that this was the only movie whose last full show in Powerplant Cinema was NOT packed, because it definitely didn't get those awards for nothing.. =) A must-see!

Labels: movies

Actually, I made a to-do-before-30 list around 4 years ago. Sadly, not much progress.. Got too caught up with a lot of other things along the way... but i'm still not giving up on this list..

1. Learn how to swim – I love the ocean, but after a couple of near-drown incidents, I gave up on swimming… but, now I want to give it another shot.. I want to be the next jesebelle.. hehehe
2. Learn to drive M/T – I've not mastered the art of driving a stick-shift.. Haay! I can never borrow my sisters' cars because of this… specially now when i have to send my car to repair.. I have not commuted since forever.. and ayoko! :)
3. Learn how to dive – uhm, I should start with #1 first
4. Learn how to cook – hmm.. This is kinda so-so.. I've managed to learn how to cook sinigang and adobo.. In my book this counts as knowing how to cook.. hahahaha…
5. Learn CPR/First Aid – I'm certified now.. yipey!

2/5 in 4 years is almost discouraging but heck, I've also done things not in my list, like skydiving, bungee jumping, and some things that are not so PG … hahaha…j/k

Well, as my countdown to 30 continues, I decided to create 30 simple things I can manage to do in less than 30 days.. Silly things, things I've never done before, things I've not done in a long time.. and so on..

1. Ride the MRT for the 1st time
2. Take the jeepney (just to Rockwell lang, kase summer na eh.. lagkit!.. hehe)
3. Fnally have the guts to go through my Oregon stuff, put away the boxes and the memories along with them…
4. Do not be late for work for one whole week
5. Let my inner rocker out in the Incubus concert.. No matter that I got the SRO tickets.. I have to get over my claustrophobia to get through this one alive and happy =)
6. Cut down on non-work related internet time to one hour per day
7. No soda for 3 consecutive days
8. Take my vitamins regularly (believe me, this is such a chore for me..)
9. Enroll in the gym
10. Never have a 1.5 for my Accounting class assignments ever again!

11. Do not procrastinate and study for class on Sundays.. Sunday is my MBA study time.. (repeat 100000x)
12. Drink 8 glasses of water per day
13. Not have a fight with the ex ever again, and if possible, totally ignore him
14. Call my mom and dad at least 1x/week
15. Visit my ate and nephews/niece in q.c. at least 1x/2 weeks
16. Never be late for meetings and send out meeting minutes at most 2 days after the meeting
17. Talk to my engineers sporadically through the day
18. Have lunch together with my engineers during workdays
19. Actually have lunch, no matter how tight my sked is
20. Have lunch instead of use my break for smoking

21. Send the car to the repair shop
22. Get the long overdue police report at the station
23. Treat my engineers to Starbucks Tagaytay
24. Do good on my promise to my best friend to get her a date :p
25. No more absences because of hangover
26. Have the discipline to not go out during weekdays or be in bed by midnight
27. Complete one whole week at work
28. Try to love my job again and not be angry at the circumstances because things will be better soon
29. Stick to my ½ cup rice per day diet
30. Try at least 3 different drinks/cocktails I've never tried before (I've tried orgasm in cable car last time, and it was kinda... anti-climactic.. hahaha.. Now, blow jobs and buttery nipples, I like.. lol)

Labels: birthday

This has gotta be one of the funniest romantic comedies I've ever seen in years since maybe, My Best Friend's Wedding. I like it because even if the story revolves around an old couple, you won't cringe at the May-December affair like you would Madam Auring and her soon-to-be husband.

The story between the two lead characters, Harry and Erika, transcends age. It makes it all the more endearing though that it is happening to them. The guy, a classic womanizer who has commitment issues, finally gets it, at 63. In the same token, the divorced successful playright, finally falls head over heels in love, even after 20 years of marriage. I was laughing at the part where after having her heart broken by Harry, Erika sobbed for days, while doing just about anything, even while showering. Reminded me of me (so I'm not abnormal, after all? hehehe).. In fact, I was just doing an Erika a few minutes ago... And though I myself don't get it, I still love my ex.. I've been trying to forget that by going out, keeping myself busy, having distractions, drinking... but there are days like this that I just hurt. Like Erika said "You can't outsmart getting hurt".. No matter how much you try to self-protect yourself, when you open yourself up to love, you also open yourself up to some amount of pain.. Specially when you lose the person you love... Like her, I cannot do this loving and leaving thing. Not just cut out for that.

Jack Nicholson is such a charmer. You gotta love this guy. Diane Keaton is one hot post-menopausal woman. Great performance, both of them.. The movie is set in New York, making it all the more attractive. The scenes in The Hamptons and Paris completes that romantic backdrop.

Another plus to the movie is that Maroon 5's Sunday morning is part of the soundtrack.. Yey. =)

"But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself home to you" - Sunday Morning (Maroon 5)

Labels: movies