This weekend started bad. After last week's i'm-beginning-to-lose-faith-in-men episode, I had another one this week. This time involving a married MBA classmate. Men just continue to puzzle me. You'd think after all this time, I'd have them figured out. But no. Something new always comes up. Anyhoo, don't wanna go into details anymore, but suffice to say, I spent the whole Saturday warding off his invitations to go out with him. I was short of telling him, go spend your holiday with your wife and kids, you a$@&&#$!

But then, just a few hours ago, I met this smart, funny, and not to mention very buff, single and available man, who is a friend of a friend. He cared enough to ask what I thought of him. Don't know where this will all lead. But the more important thing is, I know they're still out there. Decent, single men, who are also smart, and if I'm lucky, good-looking too.. :)

Labels: boys, relationships

So goes the age-old question popularized by the movie "When Harry Met Sally"... I had honestly believed this was seriously possible. For years and years, I have formed close friendships with the opposite sex which I can say are truly platonic.. No malice, no nothing. Barkada lang. Or so I thought.

Having been friends with these guys for at least 7 years, all of a sudden, things were not as they should be. At least 3 of my closest male friends made a pass at me, and just thinking about it, makes me wanna puke. It feels so incestuous. And not only that.. It's obvious to me that if we have stayed platonic friends for that long, then I have already written off any possibility of that friendship going any further than that. Either I'm not physically attracted (more often the case), or that... OK. It's really just that. And the reason why we're still friends is that there's something else that makes us click and connect, but just not on a romantic or sexual level. I get that. And I thought they get that too.

Apparently not. Last weekend, male friend #1 who has been a good buddy of mine since high school, suddenly frickin' attempted to feel me up. 'Nyeta. At this rate, I'm going to end up with zero male friends. Just don't want to deal with this kind of thing, on top of everything else going on. I'm just wondering why being "one of the boys" worked when I was younger, and now, it seems to mean something else to these men whom I've considered friends for a long time. It's just so sad. But then again, nowadays, I choose the things I want to worry about. This is one thing I can just walk away from. Even if it means saying goodbye to these guys.

Labels: boys, relationships

Alcohol consumption: 1 lychee martini (yum!). Caffeine intake: 1 Moroccan Mint Tea Latte from Coffee Bean (my fave), 1 Coke Light, 1 Regular Coke, 1 Nescafe from the vendo. Cigarette breaks: lots.

Today was quite lovely. Despite the rains, I was able to meet up with an old friend. We talked about love and marriage, pregnancy, miscarriages and how we always want the guy who cannot seem to stay put in one place. But at the end of the day, we want a guy who is there waiting for us to come home. The stable, sweet, nice guy for keeps, but the emotionally unattainable not-so-nice guy on the side. Are we the bachelorettes of the new millenium?

Anyhoo, I've been crushing on one of my techicians since I met him in one of our get-togethers. Obvious note to self: hello, code of conduct?!. Well, it was his birthday today and after my engineers greeted him on email, I also chimed in. And he replied. To me. Alone. Just a thank you note. With a smiley. Pogi points: 1 million. I got kilig. Grabeh ha. Ang babaw ko. Hahaha.

Labels: boys, life, relationships

I think God has a weird sense of humor sometimes.

Today I asked Him for some distraction. I had been thinking about the Ex again since last night after he asked to see me. PLS DONT ASK ME WHY COZ I DON'T KNOW THE HELL WHY, but yes, I wanted to see him. I came close to calling him last night, well, just about a hundred times. And today I finally did press that green phone icon thingy. And pressed the red one just as fast. And I wanted to hit the green icon again, and so on and so forth. I was antsy. And I prayed for some distraction.

I was already driving through SSHi-way, on my way home, when I got a call from work. Emergency meeting. Delivery issues chuva. Ok. 1.5 hrs later, I was already home, but still on the phone. Meeting not over. Between the bus drivers cutting me, and the folks on the phone yelling, the farthest thing on my mind was calling my ex. Distraction was what I wanted? I got it, in a fashion that is no longer quite surprising to me. Fridays are mostly like this. Sometimes they catch me during my gimik, half drunk. I stay glued on the phone, while my friends, well, get drunker and drunker.

Now I’m still gathering more data. And got another SMS. “Kumusta ka na?”, from, ern, FIRE INSPECTOR? What the?! I sort of “met” this guy when a fire truck driver rammed into a pick-up, which rammed into a car, which rammed into my car last Feb. He was this inspector guy, the boss of the fireman, who took the blow, and helped get the approval of the mayor in that town to pay for the car damages. He gave me his phone number so I can follow him up re my cheque. After like four months, cheque is FINALLY ready and yesterday, I finally went back to the municipal hall to claim it. Mr. Inspector personally assisted me, chatted with me while all the red tape was unfolding before me. And I thought I found it strange when he had to walk me to my car, and then said, “I hope this is not the last time that I see you”. And I went, “Well, I certainly hope it won’t be because one of your fire trucks rammed into my car again.”… As I was driving away, I thought, “eeew! Was he hitting on me?? DOM!!!!!”… And quickly erased the thought. Until the SMS tonight. Yeah, distraction. Yet again. But can I just say this one more time? Eeewwww!

Dear God, you’re so funny ha. The next time I ask, I will be VERY specific. :P

Labels: boys, exes

Just as I was beginning being single (again) was such a drag, I just found myself waking up today, with a silly grin on my face, actually relieved that I am where I am today. True, the grass may look greener at the other side of the fence, but man, I am not ready for coupledom. There is so much to explore, so many new people to meet, more countries to go to, things that I know will change once I commit myself to a partner. Because obviously, once you decide to have a family, priorities change. If there is one thing I'd like to promise myself, it's that I'd like to have very few what-if's in my life as much as possible. I wanna live life to the fullest, because yes, it's short, and it's the only one I've got.

In more juvenile news, I'm soooooooo crushing on this guy I met the other night. He's a schoolmate, a writer, economist, well-travelled, very smart, guapo, charismatic, 31 yrs old, and very very single.. Hehehe.. I hung out with him and a classmate, and we just clicked. We just have so much in common... Grabeh, mahal ko na cya.. Hahahaha... But, he seems too good to be true.. And, he didn't get my number. lolz.. (Though, that is something very easy to solve... hehehe).. Too bad he only has a couple more subjects to go, and I'm still OSY. But, our common friend who introduced us is matchmaking... Bagay daw kami eh.. Harhar.. Just quoting... We'll see how this one goes.

Well, I'm off to the beach in a few hours. Yeah, it's been drizzling. Sana it's sunnier in the islands. Regardless. I.will.enjoy. Ciao! Have a good one, folks =)

Labels: boys, dating

D and I had the closest thing to "THE TALK" yesterday. After several months of "hanging out", I finally found the opening I was looking for to bring it up. He sort of stood me up last Friday.. He appeared to have a valid reason naman, lame but valid. Still I was majorly pissed. After calmly ignoring some other pressing things about this not-quite-a-relationship the last few weeks, I finally gave in to my uhm, less-than-graceful you-are-an-asshole speech. Ok. So I didn't really call him an asshole. But, euphemism and all, I think he got the point. He seemed genuinely worried about the whole thing. But no, he did not declare his love for me, like that scene in the final SATC episode where Big said "It took me a long time to get here, but I'm here... Carrie, you're the one..".. hahaha..

Anyways, all I can say is, he called me up twice in one day and been emailing/texting me non-stop. Which I find really adorable. And now I can't stay mad at him. Dang it. Pusong mamon talaga. But what can I do? I've known him for 18 years. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. He still doesn't earn a space in my address book. I have deleted his number. But it is for my own protection, really. I don't ever want to be the first to call or text him. But even if I have not memorized his number, I will know it's him, so, you know, I'm not yet totally erasing him out of my life.

Nyeta. I'm losing my so-called poise over this. I.am.not.falling.for.him.

And that is that.

Labels: boys, relationships

"I've always wanted to have sex with you. Do you want to do it with me?"

Uh. Ok. I'm not sure if I'm thankful he didn't even bother with sugar-coated lines. You know, at least, he didn't beat around the bush. But dem, a little subtlety would have been less of a slap to my sensibilities. What the hell is wrong with men nowadays? And this coming from an old classmate?! Disbelief is an understatement to describe how I felt.

Sometimes assholes just comes in a nice-guy package. Even D comes off as a saint compared to this guy.

No dude. Thanks, but no thanks.

Labels: boys

I ran away from home once when I was a kid. I was probably 9 or 10... I made it all the way to the guardhouse of our village. And of course, the guard stopped me and called my yaya. I don't remember why I did that, but I remember I was so confident and hardly feared going away. Too much TV or movies, I think, because I romanticized being a street kid. After seeing Mga Basang Sisiw (I think, I forget the details), I've always wanted to go live in a kariton. Yah, even as a kid I was already strange.

The next time I "ran away" was in high school. It was really more of escaping home. I spent most of my waking hours in school, just hanging out till midnight with schoolmates.. And back then, we were content to just talk.. No booze, drugs or cigarettes. Those after-school get-togethers paved the way for lifelong friendships, and high school, all in all, is the one solid foundation for the person I've become today.

Right after college, I ran away from a heartbreak. I fell in love with a boy who back then was more in love with his game. Ironically, this boy has come back to my life professing undying love. But if it takes you three years to get over someone, I think when you're finally there, there's no going back.

As soon as I started working, I moved out and lived on my own. It was more out of necessity at first, until I began to to enjoy every bit of independence, and the challenge. I never wanted to go back home. I crossed the waters and ran away to a different island. And it's been 7 years since. I love my family but I guess even as I child, I always felt out of place. And I realized why during my personal leadership workshop. My parents were way too busy working, and I alienated myself so I couldn't feel the hurt of not being hugged enough. I know they love me to bits, and I am love them back, specially now that I realize how hard it must have been to raise six children! But all the toys and the comfortable life was not enough even for a child. At the end of the day, all I wanted from them was a kiss on the forehead and a tight embrace.

When I visited home this time, I felt even more out of place. It was not just because I had run away from all that. But this time, I felt that, it was their turn to run away from me. My parents have decided to sell our house, the house where I grew up and spent most of my life in. Because they have returned to the place where they grew up, retired from their fast-paced lives... The house was so empty. What used to feel so constricting for a family of eight, was now just all space. Only two rooms in the 6-bedroom house was occupied. That of my sister's and our househelp. My dad's office where he used to spend all his time in had nothing in it save for his desk and his swivel chair. The old library just full of old books, an encyclopedia set bought in the 80's and family pictures... We don't eat in the dining hall anymore. The bar is now full of memorabilia glasses instead of wines.. My sister and I now eat in the small dining area, and we spend most of our time in the entertainment area watching TV or singing karaoke. The garden which used to be full of flowers is now mostly bare. But the langka tree still stands tall, reminding me of times when we were regalled by scary stories by our lola (she told us a being lived there.. it's called "agta" in Cebuano but for the life of me, I could not recall what it's called in Tagalog).. And the basement where we used to hide when we played taguan is now full of party chairs and tables and other stuff we should probably already throw away, or at least, sell in a garage sale. And as I looked at this place where I ran away from, I felt a certain sadness, of feeling it will no longer be ours when I finally decide to stop running away and go back home...

Labels: boys, childhood, home

Hold the wheel while kissing. Put the gear on neutral, but not on park. Laugh it off when he asks you to stay. Look away as he gets off the car. Don't roll down the windows unless he turns around again and knocks. Do not look at him as he walks away. Do not listen to your heart telling you to not drive away. Pretend you're unaffected when he text's you 5 mins after you left. And then call you even before you can reply. Force yourself to sleep once you hit the bed. And not regret saying goodbye.

Labels: boys, relationships

"What you sow is what you reap.." .. I just got reminded of this big time in that 3-day workshop, and it wasn't pretty. And I have to keep repeating this to myself.

But D is in town again, and yeah, I caved. So much for the two strikes. Much as I hate to admit it, I like D. Scratch that. I really like him. He is everything I like in a man except for one tiny detail - HE IS A PLAYER. I have to have the willpower to digest that. I'm consoling myself because he truly is not attached to a single woman right now, so technically, we're really not hurting anyone else. Well, except maybe myself.

Argh. This might just be a classic case of a "rebound" love affair. He keeps telling me, "you're still in love with him". I don't blame him. I still have pictures of the ex and his children in my handphone. But this attraction or tension, has lasted for years and years now. But I also know why we're not together. Everything is simple really. But walking away is, just.too.hard.

"I wish you could have stayed", he said. If he only knew. I have not even driven away yet, but I already wanted to go back to him. Sigh.

Labels: boys, relationships