I would never have thought that the ex will, once more, outdo himself. After enrolling in the gym, I got a call from a girl. Who asked me if the ex and I were still together, because she was pregnant, and she lived together with the ex. And so I answered that if they were already living together, why is she bothering me?! Hello?! Punyeta, I got so irked. Ok, I was also hurt. I called the ex and wanted to lash at him but he did not deserve even my anger. So I just told him to please tell his girl to leave me alone. And he went on to explain that the girl was lying, they were not living together and that she in fact, miscarried last night. And he was sorry. FOR ALL IT'S WORTH. Damn, that phrase is just so overused.

Whatever, dude.

Just.stay.away.from.me.

Labels: exes

I've not been blogging as much as I used to. There's just not much going on in my life except for work, and well, all the mis-adventures with ern, undesirable men. Hehe.

Ok, well, not all undesirable. Muscle boy is still in the picture. After my "blind date" with him, he did ask for my number from our common friend, and did say hello to me the day after. But we all know how day afters are.. It's like people are either just trying to be polite with each other, or one or both just scram and leave without a trace. I tried to do the latter, self-protection, you know, not even saying goodnight to him after the group date thingie, but well, he was nice enough to get in touch with me and well, the last thing he said was "hope to see you again soon"...

Hmm... Not very encouraging. For the next few days I didn't hear from him, and I decided that if he didn't text or call within the week, I was going to erase his number from my phone directory. But, he managed to be on proby status again, because he texted me last Saturday night just to say hello and ask what I was up to! Yay. Hehe.. I admit, I was kilig. I was already on my way to Dish, and told him so, and he asked if we were all girls or a mixed group. Technically, we had a guy with us, but I told him that it we were all girls, and he said, puro boys din daw kasama niya.. And asked, "kaya nyo ba kami"? I didn't know what that meant, but I gave him a "haha" and "enjoy".. :) A friend egged me on to invite muscle boy for coffee, but, it's just not my style. If we were already friends to begin with, maybe. But considering we just met each other, and hardly even talked to each other that night (coz I choked.. hehehe.. I was like a teenager who didn't know how to act or talk because the man is just so lovely, haha), I think I'm just gonna have to wait until he invites me first. If he doesn't, then, too bad, so sad.. Hahaha..

Speaking of blind dates, muscle boy is just the second one I had in this lifetime. The first one was such a painful experience for me, I swore that if it was the only way I'd meet new guys, then I'd rather "recycle". The 1st blind date was a doctor. And if we were a movie, it would have been called, The City Girl and The Promdi. But, it wasn't really his being promdi that bothered me, but the fact that all night, i was the one trying to get the conversation going, and alas, there was just nothing there. He's a pulmonologist, and I'm a smoker, he followed Kristine hermosa's teleserye, and I well, darn, just watch it when I feel like getting depressed. Hehe. He didn't even watch movies, or like sports. In short, it was a disaster. That was why when my friend told me they wanted to set me up, I tried to get out it. But in the end, I decided since it was a group thingie, it probably wouldn't hurt as bad. Turned out muscle boy is quite a charmer. In fact, he was our entertainer for the night, what with all his funny gym anecdotes and what not. There were no sparks, but I laughed and laughed, and two pogi points for that. Plus, after that, I suddenly wanted to do kikay stuff again, like get facials, go on low-carb diet, and enrol in a gym (will do it today. wish me luck.. hehe)... So even if nothing will happen between muscle boy and me, at least, he gave me enough inspiration to be vain again (just a little bit) and well, to believe that blind dates are really not that bad.

And speaking of friends, my MBA girlfriends and I hung out again after what seemed like ages. We had dinner at Pagliacci. The pasta I ordered was not that good, it looked like a noodle soup because of too much sauce. The pizza was ok. Ambiance, also ok. The gelato, well, I think it's over-hyped. Semi-pricey (well, it's at the Podium). Later, we went to Dish at the Loop. Aside from the fact that it seemed we were the only beyond 20yrs old in the crowd there, we did have fun. Freestyle played and this hiphop/RnB group called K24/7?.. Not sure. P250 entrance fee with one cocktail/beer free. Not bad. Specially since I love Freestyle. And specially since they sang my favorite senti songs (Reason, My Immortal), hehehe..

So, it really is not all that bad. Being single, and drowned in work, that is :)

Labels: dating, gimik, girlfriends, restos

" My hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption... " Vindicated, Dashboard Confessional

After the nuisance from the married man last week, and the momentary kilig from muscle boy, I got a hard slap from the past. I've been avoiding the ex for several months now since he came home but I found myself in a hotel with his family last week. He's been having some problems and has only told me about it. His mom knows a little of it, but as always the proud man that he is, he would never admit defeat or despair to anyone. Perhaps only to me. I guess I earned that when we were still together. But what about now? I don't even know what we are to each other anymore.

But, I loved the man so dearly, and admittedly I love him still, so I could not will myself to turn my back on him. And for one day or so, we were the man and woman we used to be. And it was peaceful yet surreal. I could not even remember how long ago it was we were just happy and content like that. We used to be able to talk and talk about anything without getting at each other's nerves. We used to laugh a lot. We used to hold hands like we were kids just starting to fall in love and steal kisses when no one was looking. And it ached when we had to let go of each other as we hugged goodbye, yet once again. And I was thinking, gawd, how many times have we done this? And how many times will I allow myself to go through this?

Now everything is the way they should be. He is there. I am here. We are both living our separate lives. Just like it's meant to be. Yes, I love him, so much that it hurts. But with him, there will never be peace. It will always be tumultuous, and I cannot live like that. And I'm scared that I may never love again like I love him, but I'm also looking forward to something maybe not as strong, but more lasting and stable. We were never supposed to have everything anyways.

Labels: exes, relationships

This weekend started bad. After last week's i'm-beginning-to-lose-faith-in-men episode, I had another one this week. This time involving a married MBA classmate. Men just continue to puzzle me. You'd think after all this time, I'd have them figured out. But no. Something new always comes up. Anyhoo, don't wanna go into details anymore, but suffice to say, I spent the whole Saturday warding off his invitations to go out with him. I was short of telling him, go spend your holiday with your wife and kids, you a$@&&#$!

But then, just a few hours ago, I met this smart, funny, and not to mention very buff, single and available man, who is a friend of a friend. He cared enough to ask what I thought of him. Don't know where this will all lead. But the more important thing is, I know they're still out there. Decent, single men, who are also smart, and if I'm lucky, good-looking too.. :)

Labels: boys, relationships

So goes the age-old question popularized by the movie "When Harry Met Sally"... I had honestly believed this was seriously possible. For years and years, I have formed close friendships with the opposite sex which I can say are truly platonic.. No malice, no nothing. Barkada lang. Or so I thought.

Having been friends with these guys for at least 7 years, all of a sudden, things were not as they should be. At least 3 of my closest male friends made a pass at me, and just thinking about it, makes me wanna puke. It feels so incestuous. And not only that.. It's obvious to me that if we have stayed platonic friends for that long, then I have already written off any possibility of that friendship going any further than that. Either I'm not physically attracted (more often the case), or that... OK. It's really just that. And the reason why we're still friends is that there's something else that makes us click and connect, but just not on a romantic or sexual level. I get that. And I thought they get that too.

Apparently not. Last weekend, male friend #1 who has been a good buddy of mine since high school, suddenly frickin' attempted to feel me up. 'Nyeta. At this rate, I'm going to end up with zero male friends. Just don't want to deal with this kind of thing, on top of everything else going on. I'm just wondering why being "one of the boys" worked when I was younger, and now, it seems to mean something else to these men whom I've considered friends for a long time. It's just so sad. But then again, nowadays, I choose the things I want to worry about. This is one thing I can just walk away from. Even if it means saying goodbye to these guys.

Labels: boys, relationships

It's amazing how we meet people and they stay in our lives unexpectedly. It was a very good friend's birthday the other day, and it was also the anniversary of the first time we met four years ago. Through all this time, and in spite of the distance, and despite the times when either of us falls silent by choice or circumstance, he has remained one of the dearest persons to me...

In other news, life has been kind of dull lately. Yet, the drama always unfolds around me... Elsewhere, friend A just committed adultery, and she is one of the most sensible persons I know. Love really is a strange thing. Another friend got pregnant so she went into this frenzy in pulling in her wedding, only to find she has a blighted ovum... Life can be so ironic sometimes. Lastly, Friend C met the perfect guy, who believes she is also the perfect girl, only the situation's not so perfect as the guy has a long term girlfriend.. Love can be such a pain in the arse. :)

Oh well. As for me, all I want right now is to get some sleep... Have a good weekend, everyone.. Off I go.. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........

Labels: friends, life, love, relationships

And yet I find myself so numb. There is so much confusion, so much drama, that I just feel like I need to let the world pause for a while. So that I'll have time to breathe.

Today I went furniture window shopping. I'm excited about my soon to be first own home. It's a bit scary to be relocating again. I have to find new drinking water supplier, laundry shops, take out/delivery restos, etc... And I've gotten adjusted here. I like the proximity to the malls and all the important places (like LTO). But, going out of your comfort zone is never an easy thing. Yet, it's only by doing so that you can keep moving forward.

The other day I said no to the ex, after forever trying to be nice to him to maintain "peace".. But I'll never find real peace until I exorcise him out of my life. But it's not yet time to do that fully. There are still some court fees he needs to pay. And he can be nasty so I have to play it cool.. Else I might end up owing America money that I'm not supposed to owe in the first place. But at least, I did not run around like mad, just to do errands for him. Two plus points for me. Yey.

I miss my family. I've been too tired to go visit them. My older sister told me I should never hesitate to call them whenever I'm in a jam. But I tend to exclude them whenever that happens. I love them too much to hurt them. I'd rather suffer alone. But sometimes, I need to humble myself, and acknowledge that I cannot always do things on my own. The baggage is getting heavier and heavier, and they are ever so willing to take some load off me. I'll be forever thankful, just knowing that..

I need to go away soon. Somewhere I can hear the waves, or the birds...

Labels: exes, life, relationships

Quickie reviews:

imelda - recommended. it is an informative (at times, funny, even without attempting to) documentary. at the end of the movie, i didn't know if i wanted hate or pity the woman. one thing is for sure, this is/was a powerful persona. she was smart, calculating, and a little too obssessed with beauty to have genuine care for the filipino people. for martial law babies like us who were shielded from the direct impact of the atrocities of those times, you come out of this movie feeling a little rage. specially since you don't see any hint of remorse on imelda's face as she talks about those "grandiose" times. oh, btw, her shoes, to die for. grabeh.

catwoman - almost a waste of time, if u ask me. the scenes were so dizzy. story lame. the only thing redeeming about that film is seeing uber sexy halle berry in leather catsuit. ;)



city of god - highly recommended. an "old" indie film. about this tondo-like place outside of rio de janiero, where criminals start young. does poverty drive people to crime? can people truly get away from a criminal life once they live it? this is sometimes quite disturbing, specially seeing young boys murder people. but an eye opener for me. film was based on a real story. very, very wonderfully done.

girl with the pearl earring - This movie is an adaptation of a book with the same title, which is about a fictional story on how the painting (called, yes, the Girl With A pearl earring) of the famous Dutch painter Johannes Vermeer came about. The painting btw, is the supposed counterpart of Mona Lisa. Anyhoo, the movie showcases the talents of Collin Firth (BridgetJones) and Scarlett Johansson (LOst in Translation, another fave indie movie) and they give a very good portrayal of the master and servant who share the same passion for art, and maybe more. You can really feel the tension between the two as they carry out their extraordinary relationship, the latter being the supposed subject of the said enigmatic painting. I love, love this movie.

Labels: movies