"I've always wanted to have sex with you. Do you want to do it with me?"

Uh. Ok. I'm not sure if I'm thankful he didn't even bother with sugar-coated lines. You know, at least, he didn't beat around the bush. But dem, a little subtlety would have been less of a slap to my sensibilities. What the hell is wrong with men nowadays? And this coming from an old classmate?! Disbelief is an understatement to describe how I felt.

Sometimes assholes just comes in a nice-guy package. Even D comes off as a saint compared to this guy.

No dude. Thanks, but no thanks.

Labels: boys

What is your dream vacation? Backpacking in Europe

Which year would you have wanted to last twice as long? Hmm… Must be 1990..

If your name will be in the headline of every national newspaper tomorrow, what would the headline be? Trying to be good, wanting to bad.

What images come to your mind when asked about your childhood? Goldilocks caramel popcorn, Hao flakes

If you had to live in another country for the rest of your life, where would it be? Costa Rica

Name your top 3 dream jobs? Rockstar, Journalist, Porn star (haha, joke)

What, to you, is the greatest evidence of love? Life. Children are born because of love. We feel alive because of love.

First kiss, how was it? The one I remember was when this boy kissed me on the cheek. It was his first kiss, and he told me I made him the happiest man in the world because of that. Sweet lang.

Who or what do you miss most? Innocence

One word that best describes you? Charming (naks)

What is the best song for the broken hearted? Panahon na para Magsaya.. (hahaha. Jologs!)

Your weakness? I can be gullible at times

Your Fears? Death of my loved ones.

Your perfect Pizza? Pepperoni. Thick... crust.

What is one thing you want to achieve? Aside from world peace, a body like Patricia Javier's.. hehe.

Your thoughts upon waking up in the morning? Argh. Will I make it to my 7AM meeting?

Best Memory and why? April 8, 2003. On that day, I believed in happily ever after.

Do you Curse? Yap. Bad nga eh.

Do you Sing Well? Like a pro (hahaha..)

Do you think you're attractive? It’s all in the mind. :p I think, therefore I am.. hahahaha

Are you a health freak? I wish. Dami akong bad habits.

When was the last time you fell in love? Right now. :D

How many times have you been dumped? When was the last one? No pa naman.

Last time you made out with someone? I’m not kiss and tell.. Hehehe.. In short, a long time ago.. hahahaha

Last time on a date? 1st week of May.. Shux.. I don’t have a dating life :D

Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothes? How was it? Yep. But it was very PG.

Have you already been caught "doing something"? Hell, no.

Have you ever changed who you were to fit in? No but I’m a shapeshifter. I can easily adapt.

Do you plan to get married? Don’t want na. For now.

Which country would you most like to visit? Italy

Do you have any piercing? Where? Sa ears pa lang.

Do you do drugs? Ibuprofen, mostly.. hehe

Have you ever given someone a bath? Evil grin ;)

Have you ever smoked? Like a curse

Who would you hate being locked in a room with? Can’t think of anyone that annoying right now. Siguro si FPJ. Mahirap maghanap ng pag-uusapan.

Who would you want to be locked in a room with? Brad Pitt.. He is so beautiful that even if I just stare at him, and even without conversation, I’d be content.

Favorite brand of underwear? VS

What makes you happy? I can give a profound answer on this.. But yung mababaw lang, getting more than 5 hours of sleep.

What makes you sad? I’ve manage to accumulate painful memories that will last me a lifetime. And it makes me sad whenever I remember.

Cute ka ba? Hell yeah.. (hahaha, kapal)

Best advice given to you? Go and multiply? Joke.. Live each day as if it is your last.

Best advice you'd give yourself? T*ngna.. Tigilan na ang kaka-senti.. Kalimutan mo na ang gagung yun! :P

Future Goals? Purchase a house. Then retire.

Do you like dancing? Yup yup

Are you shy to ask someone out? Yah.. I can be very conservative when it comes to that.

What's the stupidest thing you've ever done? Not that I’ll ever admit that here… hehehe

Worst sickness? Not sickness, but I had a major surgery

Scary or happy movie? Happy all the way

On the phone or in person? In person. But I've tried both. Hahaha.

Worst feeling? When I can't sleep.. like right now

If you were to time travel, when would you like to go? 2003

If you were given superpowers, what would that be? The power to heal, including myself

If you're going to be reincarnated, what would you be? I wanna try being male next time

What is your wildest fantasy? Marry Brandon Boyd.. Taken na si Brad Pitt eh..

When is it time to let go? When you have become the worst version of yourself.. Pag binubugbog ka na..

Favorite movie quote? The most recent one: "I don’t need a hero, I need a man I can grow old with" – Troy

Best TV show quote? “Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”— Sex and the City

Moment in your life which you wouldn't want to end? Why? The day I believed happily ever after was possible. Because now, I no longer do.

What is the best gift you can give your self? Loving and respecting myself.

What does your blog title got to do with this survey? Wala. I am directing that to the person occuping my thoughts at the moment. :D

Labels: survey

* Guess that's why I'm so forgiving of D. But this time, I am more determined to stick to my resolve.

* I was going through my medical files yesterday so I can show them to my best friend, Doc R. As I was reading through them, I started sobbing. I relived all the pain, fear and loneliness during the days before and after my surgery. These episodes are getting fewer, but I hope one day it will just stop.

* The more I think about it, the more I think I'm not taking the U.S. assignment. I watched Jersey Girl last night. It's like choosing a life in the city, and back in Jersey. In New York, Ollie will have a high-paying job, get more respect, live in a posh apartment. In Jersey, he can play in the dirt with his kid. It took him a while but he finally chose the latter. That is a metaphor for my life in Manila. Not that I wanna play in the dirt. But I wanna be here where my loved ones are. No amount of money or prestige can ever compensate for moments spent with those you love and who love you in return.

* Shrek 2 is hilarious. But I like the 1st one better. Still, I wanna own a DVD copy. Puss N Boots is adorable. Made me wanna get a cat. Not. Hehe. Pinnochio wearing a bright pink thong? Classic. :D

* Gonuts is so overrated. The long lines is absolutely not worth it. Krispy Kremes forever.

* Advil is the best invention ever. Next to that, the G-string panty liners..

* Gerry's Grill in Remedios Circle is so cramped. But never make a mistake of tranferring to Fusion, the bar next door. P*na. They only have about 10 choices for appetizers. Plus, ang mahal ng pagkain nila. P240 for sisig?! But admittedly, I liked their music. Plus SML is only P35. But still, I really would rather not spend P90 on potato chips.

* I love my friends. 18 years of friendship is just not something ordinary.

* Ang sarap when you have doctors as best friends. Free consultation. The other night, they were lecturing to me about The Pill. Nakakatawa. Felt like a teenager. Pero mas natawa sila when I asked "Do you need a prescription to buy them?" No, I wasn't kidding.

* Guess Coron will have to be planned for some other time. But I'll be going to Bora in a couple of weeks. Sana di bumagyo. Please, weather gods.

* The storms Dindo and Enteng are not good for my mood. Been really pensive and very senti last week. Tama na! Ibalik na ang araw. Summer pa, di ba?!

* Finally, after three years of planning it, will be taking up badminton na.. Ala lang, bonding time with ol' friends. Ayan, baby, dami ko na distraction. :D

Labels: friends, Gonuts, heartache, Krispy Kreme, movies, relationships, work

And so goes the now famous line from what is one of the best films I've seen in my lifetime. It's up there in the league of the Godfather series, Braveheart,Saving Private Ryan, Glory, and well, Shrek.. hehehe.. Troy is based on the Iliad – on the 10th year of the Trojan War. Personally, I don't know much about Greek mythology. Methinks I did not pay much attention to my lit class in high school. But even with very minimal knowledge, one will still definitely enjoy this classictale of love, betrayal and bravery..

Let me start with the story. Troy stayed true to The Iliad for themost part. On how the Trojan war started when Paris, the younger prince of Troy abducted Helen of Sparta, better known as Helen ofTroy, the face who launched a thousand ships (from Greece). And while Paris did challenge Menelaus, Helen's husband to a duel, Menelaus did not die in Hector's hands. In fact, it was said that he and Helen got back together after Troy was burned down and defeated.The movie did not play up Achilles' supposed immortality, though he did die from an arrow shot by Paris to his heel. Patroclus, in themovie, was Achilles' very young cousin, but in the Iliad, he is Achilles' friend, and supposed lover. And then, there was Achilles' love interest in the movie, Briseias, who is actually a combination of two characters. Ajax also didn't get killed in the war, but rather killed himself. Anyhow, these minor modifications served a better cinematic purpose.The cinematography was brilliant; the visual effects (the thousand ships and the huge Trojan horse are cool) and the score, amazing. This movie is not dialogue-driven, that's for sure, thus, both are really critical in getting the message and emotions across.

Among my favorite scenes, aside from Brad Pitt's nude scenes (haha, kidding), is Achilles' and Hector's one-on-one fight scene, which ended withthe dragging of the latter's dead body in a chariot while his dad looked helplessly, and his wife, crying in agony. Really, really painful. I also liked the scene when Priam, Hector's dad went to see Achilles' to beg for his son's body back so he can be given a proper burial, and just before giving it back, Achilles' cried in regret to his wrongdoing of dishonoring the noble man. Being a cry baby that Iam, I cried in those scenes. :)

The actors were also great. Brad Pitt's very buff body is an eyecandy but the clincher is really his well-choreographed fight scenes as Achilles. Eric bana as Hector was also good. I guess, Orlando Bloom was also convincing as the wimpy seducer, Paris, but I will always love him better as Legolas. Must be the curls. The actress who played Helen was beautiful, but Achilles' concubine, Briseias had a much meatier role as the feisty priestess who fell in love with the bad boy. No one will get acting awards, but then again,Hollywood always has surprises up its sleeve.

"The gods envy us because we're mortals. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed.", one of Achilles' lines, which ofcourse is a universal truth. We only live once so we all try to live it as beautifully as we could, whether it is through seeking for heroism, or just plain, fighting for love (of another person, of ourcountry). And I guess that's why I liked this movie. Because it is something we can all relate to, elements which we can watch and then talk about. In the end, it's not just about Greek mythological heroes, it's about us.

Labels: movies

"The gods envy us because we're mortals. Life is much more beautiful because we're doomed." Achilles, from the movie Troy

There are just days like this when I wake up not knowing what I want to do with my life. I could not sleep last night.. It's been awhile since I've had insomnia. I managed to get some sleep then woke up again a few minutes later because I was having a bad dream. My life with my ex hubby flashed before me. All the abuse, the cheating episodes I had to witness firsthand.. I cried myself back to sleep. My head was throbbing when I woke in the morning to a call from work. Reality. Though I'm not really on top of the corporate ladder yet, I'm at a place where most people my age are still wanting to be at. But lately I've been feeling like I don't want to be here. What am I doing this for? I spend most of my days slaving, working hard.. but at the end of the day, I just feel tired and restless, not knowing where I'm really heading with all this. I look around for options, but I could not see any. But maybe I'm just really scared of getting out of this comfort zone. Maybe the answer is right before me but I don't really like it.

I've been thinking about D more lately. I just realized how far back this affair had started. 15 years. My best friend told me I once wrote her in college, with a p.s. telling her to greet D on his birthday. I didn't even know I knew D's bday.. And then I remembered all those times he would pop in and out of my life, mostly after college. And then now. I see him at most once a month, which is quite a lot, compared to the rest of the years this has been going on. And I don't really know where he stands in the greater scheme of things, but I do know he makes me laugh, and I feel lots better everytime he holds me or kisses me. Yet, I know he's not the kind of man I want to end up with. He is flightier than I am. And it struck me that maybe he is my Mr. Big, after all. And do I want him to come find me in Paris at the end of all this searching? Maybe. But then again, I also know that not all endings are happy ones. And honestly, I really do think we're better off as friends. He does me some good as one. But I think beyond that, he is bound to break my heart. And oddly, I feel that he thinks that way about me, too.. Two scared ducks, I think we are.

So I keep my options open. New guy L, well, he's not really new.. Another old admirer from college. And I had no idea. The last few years have definitely been a revelation to me. Didn't know people had these feelings for me, but then again, I was mostly in long-term relationships up to 4 years ago? Yeah.. So L finds me again through our batchmates, and he has asked me out on a date. And I'm having the jitters. I remember having a brief crush on him. But I really don't know anything about him... But I'm going for it anyways. Life always has surprises up its sleeves - good or bad. There was a young man I dated a couple of times, too. And he was ultra-sweet and old-fashioned.. Such innocence. That experience was refreshing. But he is six years younger than I and he feels like he has a lot to prove to himself, and to me, he says. Give me three years, he says. I just nod, smiling. But deep inside I'm thinking, boy, a lot can happen in three years. He left to work in another country. I'm not sure how this one will go either. I'm not really a big fan of long distance courtships. We'll see. And then there's this sudden urge to go searching for Divine. She was my stalker in grade school. She go see me practice soccer, or watch my performances. She even went to my graduation. Her best friend told me she was smitten but she never once talked to me. I moved to a different high school and we have not seen each other since. But somehow, I just remembered her. I've been doing much of walking down memory lane lately. I guess that is part of trying to understand what I really want to be, or where I really want to go from here on. I'm not sure how she figures in all this. Guess it goes with, trying to understand who I really am.

And how about school? Most of my former classmates are about done with their MBA. I'm still struggling to finish mine. With my workload it's really hard to manage, but I know this is a ticket to freedom. And I want to keep going at it, but I got a 2.5 in my last subject, and that is just way below my capacity. It sounds arrogant, but it's just the truth. And I don't want to compromise. If I have to do something, I wanna be good at it. I'm still playing it by ear. I'm giving my project a couple more months before I rethink my options. This project is a double-edged sword, see. There are so many problems, that if I do well, I know this will be a great boost for my career. But on the other hand, if I fail, this might just end it.

But apart from that, I think other things in my life are ok. Haha. Really. I've maintained close realations with my family. I see my older sis and her kids at least twice a month. We went to see Van Helsing and Troy together. Both very very good movies, btw, if you haven't already seen either. I think Troy is to-date, one of the best I've seen in this lifetime. It's up there in the league of Braveheart, the Godfather series, Glory, Saving Private Ryan, and well, Shrek. hahaha.. I watched it because I felt bad that my 14-yr old nephew knows more about Greek mythology than I do. But of course, that kid has always been a genius. But still, I silently reprimanded myself for not paying attention in our high school lit lectures. I know of the Iliad and the Oddysey. I know of Achilles, and Helen whose face launched a thousand ships.. But all were fragments of this great story of love, bravery, betrayal, and all things human. Great great cinematography and music. I love the fight scenes of Achilles, very well choreographed. And since this is not really a dialogue-driven movie, the music was well done, and it helped to bring emotions to the actions you see in the screen, more so, than any words could have done. I cried when Hector died. It was just wrong for a noble man to die that way. And it was also heartbreaking to see Achilles break down after realizing that his revenge has gone too far. In the movie, Patroclus was his young cousin. And I guess anyone would do that for family. But in the Iliad, Patroclus was Achilles friend and lover. Brad Pitt did justice to his role as one of the greatest Greek heroes. He looks like a greek god, mind you. And well, his naked scenes are really a feast to the eyes (hahaha, just had to add that in...)... Eric Bana, Hulk's alter ego, also played a good Hector, the noble prince of Troy. Paris, the lover and seducer (?), was played by Orlando Bloom.

Anyhoo, back to my relationships. I've reestablished friendships. My best friends and I are keeping in touch more often now. Almost like old times.. Thank god for handphones and text messaging.

Wow, this is so incoherent. But that's how I am today.

Labels: MBA, mid-lifing, movies, relationships

But I'm too tamad to blog about it... So I'll just post answers to a survey I found while browsing through other blogs :)

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About :D, new guy (sort of) L, Troy (the movie), Bora
Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought : movie tickets, green tea frap, north park dinner, cosmo
Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink : diet coke, water, coffee, SML
Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It: last year (to a guy)..
Last Time You Cried ? last week
What's In Your CD Player ? Incubus
What Color Socks Are You Wearing ? nada
What Time Did You Wake Up Today ? 8AM
Current hair ? dark brown with red/gold streaks
Current Clothes ? tank and shorts
Current Longing ? bora
Current Desktop Picture? sunrise taken in cebu
Current Worry? this upcoming date i have with new guy L
Current Hate? ala naman.
Last CD You Bought? incubus, i think
Favorite Place To Be? beach
Least Favorite Place? cavite
If You Could Play An Instrument? guitar
Favorite Color(s)? Black, blue, purple
Do You Believe In An Afterlife ? Yes.
How Tall Are You ? 5'0"
Current Favorite Word/Saying ? gagu
Favorite Season? summer (and spring)
One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could talk to?my lolo.. he left too soon..
Favorite Day? Saturday.
Where Would You Like To Go ?Europe.

Labels: survey

Pero di pa tapos ang laban.

Kanina, maaga akong nagising. Dumerecho sa presinto para bumoto. Dala-dala ang kamera, para kung may makitang katiwalian, ay pwedeng kuhanan. Pero mapayapa duon sa barangay namin. Umuwi ako at lumabas kami ng aking kapatid at mga pamangkin. Nangangamba sa pwedeng kahinatnan ng eleksiyon. Pero, life goes on, 'ika nga. Nanood, nagulat, natawa at natuwa sa Van Helsing. Kumain sa paboritong Vietnamese resto. Umuwi at nagtrabaho.

Ako ngayo'y nakatutok sa ABS-CBN quick count. Nangunguna ang aktor. Halos kumukulelat ang aking ibinoto. Ako'y medyo nalungkot very di nawawalan ng pag-asa. Siguro nga ay di pa handa ang bansa natin sa isang lider na katulad ni Bro. Eddie.

Pero kahit sino man po ang mahalal na pangulo, at ako'y nananalangin na sana po ay hindi ang aktor, sana po ay patuloy na mapukaw ang mga damdamin natin, mga kabababayan. Sana po ay patuloy po nating ipaglaban ang ating bansang sinilangan.

Tapos na po ang halalan pero di pa po tapos at ang pinaglalaban.

Labels: elections

And just as I was singing a song as if it was for him, I find out he's here. For three months. Dangerously close. Too close for comfort. And a good friend asked, no, told me, "you still love him after all that he's done".. And I said, I didn't say I still loved him. And he said, "You didn't have to."

Maybe he's right. I don't know. I'm not sure why I'm feeling agitated, claustrophobic, affected. All I know is, last night, after being out on a date with a nice young man, who seems so refreshingly innocent and sincere, I ended up thinking about him - the ex. Crazy, I know. Maybe I'm just not ready to go out there yet. It's too soon to be out with men who seems to be smitten with me, who knows why. And a few minutes later, the ex's buddy called. I missed it. And today, I learn, he's here.

No, I don't plan to see him. In fact, I have this sudden urge to fly out of the country, go as far away possible. Disappear.

Maybe Galera will do. Or Coron. I just need to frickin' get out of here. Even for a few days.

Labels: exes

BRO. EDDIE KA PALA?!

i got this reply from an MBA classmate after i sent a text campaign to everyone in my cellphone address book this morning..

i stopped for a while to think about what her reply meant.. i guess she may have thought that i didn't have the credibility to campaign for a widely known servant of God.. all of a sudden, i knew what magdalene must have felt like.. hahaha.. but i digress..

the thing is, my christianity is not the issue here. it is our upcoming elections, and choosing the right person to lead this country in the next few years. see, prior to 2004, i've already considered numerous options, and one of them was to pack my bags and leave, because i felt it was the best way to help our country.. in the end, i decided not to.. but it was really more of a personal reason than anything else.. which i'm not going to go into.. anyhow, i was beginning to adopt an escapist's stance, and decided, it's time to break that bad habit down..

at first i opted to vote for GMA.. because once FPJ announced his decision to run for presidency, in my mind, it was really a battle between the two of them... roco was my original choice, but because of his lack of machinery, and his seeming lack of conviction and passion (still i really think he has good potential, even with his wife-beating scandal).. So i said, ok, GMA it is.. after all, she was able to do some good.. but she fell short of expectations, her being a supposed expert economist.. and it has nothing to do with her elitist background either.. but i look at her, listen to her, then look around me.. the picture just doesn't fit. she had her chance, and she turned out to be yet another puppet of her capitalist advisers and supporters, who unfortunately, are the ones getting richer, and us, the lowly mid/lower class citizens, suffering the impact of joblessness, overpopulation, inflation, etc..

it has been a long time since i cared like this.. i decided it was better to be apathetic.. that way, you know, i can just continue to blame others for the sorry state of our country.. after all, i had nothing to do with the choices that the people made... but as i realized i actually loved this country, because well, just because, i knew i cannot just sit back and do nothing.. i took a second look at our candidates...

bro eddie.. now, he's definitely an odd man out (eddie gil, of course, is the comic relief, as in any pinoy storyline.. even action or drama movies have comic sidekicks). he was a student leader in college.. he took up law in UP, tho' he an underbar, supposedly because he spent more time in the streets than in the classroom.. years later, he started serving God.. and so far, i've heard no scandal that can discredit him.. and his platform is very simple - national moral transformation..

now one can argue that power is well, a very powerful thing.. and that anyone you put up there, will most likely succumb to evil and corruption.. but out of all the candidates we have out there, he is the only one who has a big fighting chance against the devil.. because he has put God above himself first, for so many years now. it is not easy to make a pretense out of that..

and i guess, in the end, as i've told most people, during times like this when logic or reason fail us, and no matter what we do, it seems that everything is just helpless and hopeless, faith is really the only answer left... so i decided to change my mindset.. this is not just a battle bet gma vs fpj.. it is our battle. this is our future. our country. so it may be uncharacteristic for me, but yes, my vote goes to bro. eddie.

I'M BACK BUT ONLY TO SAY...
Pls. vote wisely this upcoming Phil. elections. It is just roughly two weeks from now. We have a right to vote, and let's exercise it.

As for me, I have made my choice. It took me a while before I closed my decision. But in the final analysis, it was as clear as day. I choose Bro. Eddie.

If you ask me why, I can tell you a number of reasons. One of them is that, anyone can really make up their platforms. Jobs for the people, cheap medicines, and whatever. But nobody is better equipped to fight what is even a bigger problem than hunger, joblessness, overpopulation. Corruption. Only a man with a strong conviction and a passion for God has a good fighting chance.

Moral transformation to lead us to prosperity? Why not? We have already tried so many formulas. In times like this when logic or reason no longer make sense, we can really only hold on to FAITH.