I'm totally scr*w*d! The thing about owning roadmaps and milestones, and being left alone to do your stuff is that it's so easy to get distracted. I was looking at the tons of mail in my inbox today and the gazellions of ARs (action required or deliverables) I have to complete, and I realized, deng, I've been completely taken over by my personal affairs the last few months. I thrive on challenge and misery at work. I rarely made any screw-ups. This is not me at all! Right?

I begin to wonder whether getting too close to people is suddenly taking its toll on my career. But then I ask, is that too bad? Having relationships, romantic or otherwise, add spice and magic in our lives. I realize, as I start organizing a "TO DO" list, that no matter what mess I got myself into right now, I do not regret ANY of the relationships I've had. Some might have caused me pain in the end, but I'd like to believe that all the heartache has made me a better person. A failed relationship might lead you to a detour sometimes, but soon you find yourself on the right track again, and you know you'll never go that way again because it's all bumpy, and so not worth the ride. Unless you're a masochist or just plain stupid (I'm tempted to quote lyrics from that Salbakuta song. mwahahaha.. J/K), then a failed relationship will not only make you stronger but wiser as well.

But if I'm really wiser, how come I feel like I can't get out of this mess I'm into right now?? *trixy is currently banging her head on her keyboard repeatedly*

Arrgghhhh....

ETHAN’S DAD
We were sitting at a resto in White Beach, Puerto Galera, waiting for our two other companions who were out looking for a place to stay, and for the food that we ordered an hour earlier, to arrive. All of us were cranky ‘coz we were already at the bus terminal by 4AM. By the time we got to Batangas Pier, there were already hordes of people ahead of us, and the next boat ride was scheduled 1030AM pa!

Hungry, tired, sleepy, and in dire need of a shower, we were short of pulling each other’s hair. Suddenly I saw this 6-year old boy wearing a bright red scarf on his head. Cutie! And then I looked up and saw this handsome Adonis. His dad. Gawd. What a body! What a man! And nothing else mattered anymore :) I think if there was ever a love-at-first-sight moment in my life, that was it :P

While watching Ethan’s dad, I realized that I’m at this point in my life that if and when I get into a new relationship, I hope it will be with a real man. I’m tired of getting involved with boys who do not know what they want in life. I’m tired of all the melodrama that comes with being in an immature relationship. I want a man who is not afraid of being with a strong woman, a man who will not be intimidated by me, but instead will support me every step of the way. As I saw Ethan’s dad waiting patiently while his son finished his food (and that took like a good two hours!), and when I saw him the following morning walking from shop to shop looking for the perfect native necklace for his son, I found myself wishing I’d meet someone like him. Someone sweet and responsible, I mean. There’s nothing sexier than a dad spending fun time with his son! And it will be a bonus, if he’d look like him, too. :)

BLISSFUL
Wow! I cannot even begin to express how much fun I had in Puerto Galera. At the last minute, I decided to throw caution to the wind and went with some of my officemates to this beautiful island. I needed to get away.

Must have been the sea breeze, the summer sun, the quick but wonderful view of live corals and colorful fish under the sea *, the lovely full moon, the yummy, intoxicating bubblegum flavored lambanog (local alcoholic drink) we downed that night, the festive atmosphere all-day, all-night, the rejuvenating body massage by the beach, the calming sound of the waves splashing against the sand, the beautiful blue sky, and the clear waters, the wonderful people I was with, but during my short stay, I forgot the rest of the world and the worries and sickness it gave me the last few days. How easy it is to get consumed by the enchantment of the beautiful island! Oh, so blissful. I left the island at peace with myself. This was my shortest summer trip this year, but the sweetest by far! :)

* I tried snorkeling for the first time, and if I were given a chance to choose an alternate life, I’d want to be a dolphin. Or a mermaid. :P

GOT PIX?
* The island up ahead!
* Ain't it lovely?
* Lovelier, up close...
* Kiosks and volley by the beach.
* The cottage, the veranda and the breeze.
* Pretty colorful sarongs, scarves, beach outfits.. Shopping paradise!
* Look, mom! Rainbow-colored anklets!
* Check out my braid...
* Even got a tattoo! :P

psst... I'm off to Galera tom. for a quick respite :)

EXFOLIATED
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “ Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “ This is going to take more than one night.”
–Charlie Brown

I knew I had an eccentric streak, but I never thought I was this weird :P I took a long bath, complete with body scrub and the works at 2AM this morning!!! I began scrubbing like crazy, as if to get rid of all the wearisome emotions I've been feeling lately instead of my dry skin cells. And what do you know? It worked! I came out of the bathroom not just completely exfoliated, but rejuvenated as well :)

I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say I'm over it all. I'm still grieving over erstwhile best friend (I shall now call EBF) who fell off the pedestal I put him in (perhaps unfairly so). But, life goes on. And soon, all this will just seem petty and pointless and everything will be as they should be. I hope.

btw, before I forget, here's the link to that Rico-Claudine story from the blog I removed..

* happy thoughts *
- I was bedridden for almost a week. It would have been a bummer to be sick and alone in the condo. Good thing my Ate visited me and decided to stay with me till I was well enough to be left alone.. Luv u, sis! Thanks!
- I put together a collage of the pix I took of my family from my digi cam. Cutesy little piece. Those smiling faces now greet me everytime I open my laptop since I made the collage my wallpaper!

Not that I didn’t know it already but I’m a mobile crackwhore :P

Links to our pictures in Malapascua Island, Cebu, Phils.

malapascua up ahead
lovely sunset
view from the 2nd floor resto
the strip
the resort
the ocean

CHANGES
Everytime I'm depressed I usually change hairstyles. No wonder my hair is only half the length it used to be a couple of years ago :) Whatever changes I want to make, I'll do it to my blog this time :P

1. Check out my new links... Still haven't completed adding in my new reads, but there's a start.
2. I'm now a blogsnob. See that link after my message board link? It's a random link from all Blogsnob members, so do check them out as well. Hah. How many times have I mentioned the word link already in this blog? :)
3. Changed the name of my blog. Table for One. Just seems fitting nowadays.

Anyway, thanks for all the loving, folks. You know who you are.. You're such great friends. My eyes are puffy, and been coughing and sneezing like crazy since Sat night, but hey, with friends like you at my side, things are bound to get better. :)

btw, I discovered this upbeat new song while listening to Magic on my way home last week. It's A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton. Check out her song at the site. Very nice.

It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever think of me

Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in
Your precious memory

Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by,oh
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you... tonight

I watched The Count of Monte Cristo the other night. I think it was a good movie. But then again, don’t ask me. I was dazed half the time. Another movie kept playing in my mind. About a guy and a girl, who happened to be seated a few rows down, and my own realizations of what happened after his summer trip. Now the sudden cold treatment that had left me wondering for a while finally made sense. I felt shut out then. I feel betrayed now. I feel a lot of things I couldn't express.

I couldn’t understand why he never bothered to tell me about her. He told another friend. And that makes it even worse. I thought we were better friends than this. I'm confused. I'm hurt. I am so sad. I really am.

:-(
I feel like my heart is being torn to pieces right now.

GLASS OF WATER
A lot of people (save for my very close friends), family included, can't seem to understand why a girl like me is single and loveless just when everyone is expecting me to be getting ready for marriage. But, I have never been known to blindly adhere to norms, rules, standards or what-have-you. Yes, I know I want to have a family in the future, but I am not in a hurry to get there. Call me ideal, or a fool, but I happen to still have faith in men. And for as long as I can remain celibate (hahahaha, joke...), I will never settle. Seriously, I know that there is someone out there who will lovingly bring me my glass of water. :)

GOODIE!
I dropped by school to get my grades and --- I got a 4.0 for Statistics! Yipey!! In celebration, I bought a pack of Hany milk chocolate. Yummy :)

If Sieg isn't a good friend, I'd have unfairly labelled him a stalker because of this:P Hehe.. Kaibigan ka talaga :P So, should I consider revamping my wardrobe and buy more aqua blue stuff? Mwahahaha...

Oh, I went to Powerplant to buy Gary V's new One2One CD. I was supposed to send a copy to TLB (the last boyfriend) last Monday thru another officemate who flew to the U.S. But since I was sick, and the people I called up didn't find copies, wasn't able to do so. Decided to buy one for myself, anyways. Hehe.. Very good album. Aside from our song, I'm so loving Gary's version of Always (Oh, you're like the sun, chasing all the rain away...And I will love you so for always...) - remember this 80's single? Believe me, this duet is so much better and won't ever become baduy... (And now I'm currently singing "can we just stop and talk awhile get to know each other, who are we to know? Love could be waiting at the end, round that bend and so, let's stop and talk awhile..." *sigh*)

Anyway, I also ended up buying 3 more great CDs -> The Calling's Camino Palmero, Shakira's Laundry Service and the American Pie soundtrack because I still haven't downloaded a Sway MP3 (and being an OC, I just had to get a copy of this song right away) ;)

SIMPLE THINGS
I've been obssessing about a friend who seemed way too busy to even text me the last few days. I was beginning to get worried. Funny how a missed call can fix all that. :)

Oh, I was going through my regular blog reads and came across this. Wow, so sweet of u, Raymond.. Thanks!

Simple things can really bring a bad day up a notch to better. (( )):**

p.s.
A lot of people are taking a break from blogging.. Ey, best wishes to all of you! Meanwhile, check out my latest link addictions, I mean, additions.. :P

Simple Things
by Jim Brickman

Hey, time won't wait
Life goes by
Every day's a brand new sky
Every tear comes to dry
All that really matters in this crazy world
Is you and I together, baby just remember...

The first leaves of the tree,
The way you look at me,
A thousand chiming church bells ring
The simple things are free
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things,
The simple things just are

So here we go
Let's just dance
Teach my soul to take this chance
Put my heart in your hands
Out of all the moments that we leave behind
Turn around and tell me baby we'll remember...

The thunder and the rain,
The way you say my name
After all the clouds go by the simple things remain
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things,
The simple things just are

Oh, The ocean and the sky
The way we feel tonight
I know that it's the love that brings the simple things to light
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
I love the way the simple things,
The simple things just are

LABOR DAY
GMA retracted her decision to move the Labor Day celebration to April 29 to support the government's holiday economics policy amidst protests from various sectors, spec. from trade unions. I must admit, I was a little disappointed because my officemates and I were already planning on a Puerto Galera getaway :(

But as Sieg pointed out, that day is holy to laborers worldwide just as Christmas is for Catholics. It's true meaning must have been lost on me as I struggled to climb up the corporate ladder all these years. Have I became part of the apathetic bourgeoisie that I once swore not to become? Has labor day for me now been reduced to just another day to go off to another island and chill out? Have I been blinded by the trappings of the corporate glitter? For someone who has spent some time fighting the system in the confines of my alma mater and out in the streets, this is indeed a sad realization.

STAY
And I dedicate this song to... tan ta ra ran ...

SWAY
Bic Runga (from American Pie soundtrack)

Don't stray, don't ever go away
I should be much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes, when you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time
Don't let me drown, let me down
I say it's all because of you
And here I go, losing my control
I'm practicing your name so I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed it's time to tell you why
I say it's infinitely true

Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you

And there's no cure, and no way to be sure
Why everything's turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

It's all because of you
It's all because of you

Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon
It's time to tell you why, I say it's infinitely true

It's all because of you

So it doesn't at all surprise me that when I took this test I found in Sieg's blog, if I were a sexual position, I'd be spooning... Apparently, I'm a true romantic, I love to cuddle and to kiss... I dream of walking along the beach with my lover under the sky... Ok. I can almost picture people gagging while reading this. :)

WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
Still Sick. Day 4 without a car. Cooped up in my apartment (I got out for a couple of hours or so to attend class because we had to report on "Man and the Absolute". K.). Feeling a bit better though but too dizzy to catch up on work. I decided to pop in one of my favorites movies – When Harry Met Sally. Simply the best movie about friendship and love… Hah… I think I’m feeling nostalgic again. Guess it’s because I first watched this movie with “the last boyfriend”. That was back when we were “just friends”. Then we became more than friends. Then we broke up. We still hung out a lot after that, probably because we were so used in doing everything together. Then I guess when we finally put some normalcy back into our individual lives, we started to drift apart… We still keep in touch. Sort of. He’s out of the country and the other day I received an email from him. The last I heard from him was a couple of months ago almost. So it really made my day. And now, I’ve been calling people to buy this new Gary V. CD (he has a new version of one of our favorite songs) for me because I want to send it to him on Monday. Hah.

So anyway, one of my favorite scenes in that movie is when Sally demonstrates a fake O in a resto! Gotta admire her guts. But she makes a good point though. :P

I also absolutely just can’t help but sigh every time I hear the lines that Harry said to Sally when he finally realizes that he loves her:

“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a crinkle above your nose when you look at me like I’m nuts. I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely…It’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible…”

*Sigh*

And lastly, one of the questions asked in that movie is “can men and women be friends?” According to Harry, “men and women can’t be friends bec. the sex part always gets in the way. No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.”

Hhmm. My answer to that question is yes. In fact, I have a few good guy friends. And they’re not ex-boyfriends or people I date. (Ey, Johnnie, remember our discussion on platonic relationship?) They’re the kind I can hang out with, without inhibitions and can talk to almost about anything. The thing I love about male friends is that they don’t give me BS. Women tend to be overly dramatic, and they just won’t let me go there. (Most of the time, that is. Sometimes they don't have a choice but to put up with my melodramatic rants and raves.. hehe..) They give a different perspective on things and they help balance my emotional and rational sides. While women friends are the all-out support kind and they tend to let me hear what I want to hear, male friends are more brutally frank that it actually makes me wake up and see things more clearly. But does it mean though that these male friends don’t find me attractive? Huhuhu… :) Gawd, Sieg, now you know why I was so darn affected by that “manang” comment. :)

So, what do you guys think? Can men and women be friends?

TOO MUCH
I think there’s such a thing as vacationing too much. I remember a friend I met in Costa Rica a while back told me we always need a vacation after a vacation. See, back then, we also had too much partying going on… Oh, I miss those days. I miss Costa Rica.

Anyway, I just came back from Cebu. And I think I’m coming down with flu or something. My body is aching all over. My nose is stuffed. My head feels like it’s about to explode. You get the picture.

We had such a hectic sked. Not to mention very toxic. Saturday night we partied at Cebu Beach Club via Jamaican Nights 2002. Two things I’d advice first-timers: check out the schedule of events before you head out to the beach. Waiting in-between events really suck. Specially when you’re wearing all white and have to sit on prickly Bermuda grass. And don’t go there when you’ve been partying non-stop the week before and all you can think about is bed, pillows and blanket. No matter what the entertainment is, if you’re body is not up to it, there’s just no way you can enjoy the gimik. Not even the Adonis-material male models donning skimpy white swimwear romping on stage while being sprayed with water could keep my eyes open. Dem. Why did they have to come out at 12MN? :P Due to circumstances beyond our control, we had to leave before the wet party started… Mind you, I was with early-twenties folks, so it’s not just me, ok? :P

Sunday we headed off to Malapascua Island. The MBA gang had wanted to go to Boracay but since we couldn’t book our flights on the dates intended, we opted to go to Cebu instead. And Malapascua is the next best thing to Boracay. Except for a bumpy 20-minute ride, the rest of the 3-hour land trip was quite uneventful. After feasting on seafood for lunch, we took the pump boat to the island. And surprise! Because the island was jam-packed, the resort we had made reservations with didn’t hold our reservation. We were left with no place to stay overnight… My cousins looked around and finally found this room with a queen-size bed, with a restroom with no door, no curtains and worse, NO fresh water source. They did have a big barrel filled with, arrghh, saltwater! They had a well outside the house, and yes, still no freshwater! Guess it wasn’t deep enough. Oh, the place was located at the other side of the island, the side less occupied, and without electricity after 12MN, eerie cannot even describe it. But despite all that, we still had a good time in the island. We checked out this new bar called “Maldito” (wasn’t there yet last time I visited in October). Nice place, very nice restroom (and I noticed this because we were practically deprived of one where we stayed at), nice music and they have a couple of billiards tables as well…

Monday night we went barhopping in the city. Not surprisingly, it was very quiet all over town. We were laughing hard because when we went to check out Mi Vida! the waiters immediately went up the counters and started dancing. Uhm, ok, with 5 other people in the club, their dancing couldn’t keep us there.

We finally ended up hanging out in Mr. A, a bar and resto located up a hill a few kilometers away from Cebu Plaza Hotel. The view is just so breathtaking. And the place was chilly, even on a summer night. A couple of drinks and a few horror stories later, we headed back to our house around 2AM.

Tuesday morning we went pasalubong shopping in Ayala Center. The girls were so charmed with all the beady jewelry and other native stuff; we spent more than just the hour we planned on. So it was goodbye to Lapu-lapu (the 1st Filipino hero who fought Magellan). The shrine visit was cancelled because of, well, shopping galore! :)

Tuesday night I was back in Manila. My body all-sore, my body clock still screwed up. Dem. And to add to all this, my car is still in the shop undergoing repair thanks to the guy who rammed into my bumper! The last is really the clincher. I have realized I cannot live without my car. I took the cab for the first time in years and it scared the hell out of me. I had to keep texting my brother (who is in Cebu, btw), giving him description of the car, the driver and anything else I could think of. Call me paranoid, but with all the reported incidents, one can’t be too careful. Anyway, I’ve survived a couple of cab rides already. The rest of my trips I had to call my Ate to give me rides. I just don’t feel safe. And jeepneys are out of the question. Two words. Summer heat. ‘Nuff said. :)

VACATION
Am on vacation. Yet again :P Here in my lovely hometown... Don't have time to post updates yet. My MBA friends are already getting ready for our bar-hopping tonight.. So I'll make this short and sweet...

Welcome back, Nic! Sorry to hear your digi cam decided to take a swim... Sieg's back as well. Nice pictures! Pagudpud and Vigan will definitely be a part of my places to visit here in Pinas...

Tata! Time to party! :)

Today my brain cells refuse to function. So I took one of those online tests to humour myself. I've always wanted to be Mulan. Though my favorite Disney movie ever is "The Lion King", I don't think Simba can ever be a princess. So there, apparently, I'm Belle. Bah. I wish my life can indeed be called simple and quiet. Oh well.

Which of the Disney Princesses are you?

LESSONS LEARNED
Before anything else, I'd like to thank everyone who greeted me on my 2*th birdthday.. :) Definitely, one of my best... for so many reasons. Love is one of the major ones.. Even without an SO, I can say, for the record, that I feel complete, and I am happy.

So I said I was going to do 5S in my life. Unfortunately, 5 days is not enough time for all that. I did not even have time to open my notebook. But, I did have time to think a lot of things over. I still don't have answers to most of my questions, but I can say with some degree of certainty that I'm less worried or anxious as I was a week ago. I just know it. Things will keep getting better :)

With all the events that happened last week, I compiled a list of lessons learned, about anything and everything under the sun...

1. There are so many beautiful places to visit here in our country. I used to think Costa Rica was nature's best... But, I just didn't look far enough here in Pinas.. Quezon province has a lot of falls, mountains, beaches that are glorious.. Lucban is definitely a must-see.. This picturesque town is the site of the yearly Pahiyas festival.. The nearby town, Tayabas, is another beauty... It's a haven for lots of spring resorts.. This is also where the longest church (St Michael Basilica Minor) in the Phils is located at.. We visited a resto (Villa Casa) owned by the town mayor and it showcases his antique collections... The roofdeck is a nice place to hang out in, and his listening bar in the basement gives you an authentic country feel... Another resto to visit is the Kamayan sa Palaisdaan.. Gawd, I'm such a seafood lover and yep, this place is definitely a heaven on earth! Go try the "sinugno". It's fish (tilapia) cooked in coconut juice.. Basta. Yum-yum!

I stayed in Daisy's house in the town of Pagbilao where the coal-fired Hopewell Power Plant is located. We also visited one of the beaches nearby, called Cuevang-lampas, because, yes, there's a cave. The beach is really just a short strip, but it's powder white, and the stones and shells are pretty... It is still underdeveloped, and it has no freshwater supply, but the water is so clear, and lots of beautiful fish to see if you want to go snorkelling.

Now, for the night gimik, we checked out Bergs' bar and resto in Lucena City where the playing bands are from Manila. Hhmm... this is where I sang Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang with a band for the third time. I should really learn a new repertoire quick! ;P

2. I just realized the shallowness of my fears in turning a year older. Specially with Rico Yan dying at 27, the day after my birthday. I mean, gawd, he just celebrated his birthday on the 14th. Life is indeed so short, and instead of worrying over meaningless things, we should all focus instead of making living here on earth worthwhile. And while we're at it, we should always strive to make the people around us happy. I am not ashamed to admit that I cried over this actor's death. Profusely. No, I wasn't a fan. But I cried because I realized any day could be our last. It's scary to think that we may never wake up from our sleep. And scarier even that we leave not only without saying goodbye, but more importantly, leave without even having a chance to show our loved ones how much we truly care. I also cried because of my own inadequacies. But from what I gather, Rico must be smiling up in the heavens. It looks like he lived a pretty good life, and he touched so many people around him. And I want to thank him. Maybe media may just be playing it up a bit. But, no matter, he showed me how to live life fully, how to live life well.

3. I refuse to think I'm a stalker magnet. It is not my fault that other people are simply out of their minds. Arrgghh.. Just don't leave your cellphones lying around in a crowded room filled with acquaintances. No, it's not that it might be stolen. Worse, someone might go browse for your number and store it in his phone. And yeah, go memorize your own number so you don't have to store it in your own address book. Duh.

4. E.T. was definitely much, much better twenty years ago. I watched it for the second time last night. This time, seeing it with an adult's eyes, the movie was a lot less charming. Or maybe I'm just a little jaded now. Still, Drew Barrymore is cute as ever. I have to admit, though, as a kid, this Gen X classic did rock my world :)

5. Always, always, tell your loved ones you love them (and more importantly, show them consistently that you do so). There is no such thing as too much, when it comes to that.