IN A NUTSHELL
Wow. The year just sort of whizzed by. After pushing out MBA for three years, I was finally able to start school and finished three full terms. Met lots of wonderful friends. Grieving over old love, then finally getting over. Lazying around in Malapascua. Feasting in Pahiyas. Suntanning in Galera. Mistook friendship for love. And grieved again. Started a new project with a talented team. Reluctant goodbye to Pinas and hello to OR. More challenges. Renewed friendships. Fell in love, yet again; pseudo-relationship with a here-now-gone-later-here-again someone. Bungee jumping. Skydiving. Learning CPR and finally able to cross out 1/5 of my before-30 list. Tequila shots, strip clubs and lap dances --- good times with almost-crush. Tori Amos Portland concert. Cranium. Walked in the city that never sleeps; Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables, The Flower Drum Song - New York, New York! Sightseeing in D.C., Seattle. Christmas in Vancouver. :p

Two best friends' weddings. Another nephew, a new angel into our family. Two more friends engaged.

Tears, laughter. Sadness, joy. Agony, exhiralation. Life is complicated. But it is good.

Past revisited. The present savoured and enjoyed. And then there's tomorrow.

I say goodbye to 2002 as one who has lived it fully. Mistakes or not. And I welcome the new year with anticipation of everything that it has to offer. No matter what.

HaPpY nEw YeAr To AlL!!!

POST-HOLIDAY STRESS
What do you do after eating lots of homemade chocolate crinkles, mango and ube ice cream, cheesecake, Christmas meals? Climb the stairmaster for 45 minutes or more. Only, after 20 minutes your legs start to fail you and you immediately step off, remembering only the pain and forgetting to cool down. As soon as you do, the world starts spinning around you and you feel dizzy. Shortness of breath, cold sweat, chest pain, blurry vision --- you remember your CPR class and you start to think maybe this is a heart attack. And yet, all you care about is not passing out in front of other people, so you slowly made your way into the locker room, and you locked yourself inside one of the cubicles. But then you got scared that if you do pass out, no one will ever find you there. You stand up and walk again, until you see your friend. You rested for a few minutes, but you remain undaunted. You carry on, this time walk it off in the treadmill, then lift some weights.. Soon you were thinking, deng - must.stop.eating. Must.stop. Must.

So help me God.

YES, THERE IS A SANTA
Christmas in Vancouver was not bad at all... A wonderful family gladly welcomed me into their home and their lives. I met three adorable little girls and even now I'm missing them so bad... Didn't get to do much sightseeing. Had to push out going to Victoria Island since it was raining the whole time I was there, but we managed to go around town a bit. More importantly, I was able to spend time with very loving people who only just met me, but already treated me as one of their own.

Like most Pinoy Christmases, there was non-stop eating (my favorite sinigang na sugpo, shrimp lumpia, and my recent-fave pancit palabok, and the usual Christmas fare of ham and turkey and lotsa sweets -- saraaaap!), karaoke, lots of kwentuhan and laughter and a couple of great Cranium sessions! We had loads of fun. Grabe, we didn't want to leave, ever.. but my friend's hubby will be working later, and so we headed back with heavy hearts..

I'm so tired as we were usually up until 4 or 5 in the morning, but it was all worth it.. I know, nothing could ever replace being with my own family. And I miss my dad, mom, sisters, brother, nephews and nieces so much... But still, I was blessed to be surrounded by people who cared.

BTW, I received what I wished for this Christmas. A phone call or email from loved ones in Pinas.. I had a lengthy talk with my parents and brother and younger sister. Hope to talk with the rest of the family soon... And I got an email from TLB, who remains to be one of the sweetest persons I've ever met and I will forever be fond of him.

Santa has not visited me since I was nine years old. But this year he did. :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
I'm off to Vancouver, B.C. in a few hours to spend the holidays with some friends' relatives.. It's an excuse to do some sightseeing as well and stuff. ;) Some pix below in Seattle after we got our visitor visa in the Canadian consulate.






[Clockwise, L-R: Very 1st Starbucks in the historic Seattle downtown; Christmas tree in Stewart St.; In front of the world-famous Pike Place Market of the "FISH philosophy" and fish tossing fame; Space Needle; a park in the downtown; the terrible I-5 traffic on the way back to Portland; A view from the park]

DREAMS

I'M NOT DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS

I'm dreaming of the warm and humid country I fondly call home.
I'm dreaming of the cool but not freezing December air.
I'm dreaming of my family and friends, who are all thousands of miles away from me.
I'm dreaming of the our traditional midnight dinner where lechon, not turkey, is the main course.
I'm dreaming of mango ice cream and rice cakes.
I'm dreaming of our huge belen and fake Christmas tree.
I'm dreaming of the parols and the Pinoy Christmas carols playing in the background.
I'm dreaming of Christmas eve, as we gather in the living room, to open our presents for each other.
I'm dreaming of the loving hugs and kisses as Christmas day begins, and the text or phone greetings from friends after midnight.
I'm dreaming of all the happy smiles, of a family thankful for all the wonderful blessings.


LAST NIGHT I DREAMT

That you were here..

I heard your laughter as it filled the room,
I saw your eyes looking into mine,
I felt your small kisses on my forehead.

You held my hand all night long,
Our fingers intertwined.

I could feel you breathing against my neck..
I could hear your heart beating against my chest.

I dreamt you were next to me,
Your strong arms all around me.

For a moment there, everything was real...
You were here. You were mine.
We were one.

THIS DRUG CALLED E
He's like a drug that's so addictive. Or a bad habit so hard to break. This time there was no painful longing. No more shooting the moon. Just a calm acceptance that this is all that we're ever gonna have. Few wonderful moments together.. neither knowing when the next will be. Or if there ever will. Oddly, none of that matters anymore. When it comes to E and me, I'm prepared to take whatever I can get . Don't ask me why. I don't know either.

MY VERY FIRST
.. try at baking.. Grabe na 'to.. I've never done this for anyone.. Not my family, friends, the exes or myself, for that matter... Just cooked bacon and sausage for TLB. Tsaka rice.. Yun lang..

Hope the officemates (and of course, T.. hehe. me hidden agenda eh..) the bibingka that I baked tonight..

Congratulate me naman. Hee.

SEVEN YEARS
- Norah Jones

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone

Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along

Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound

Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone

Yet another Christmas that I'm going to spend away from my loved ones. Who ever said that the third time's a charm?

Technically, I won't be alone this year. I finally gave in to being a Christmas charity case. I'll be going with a couple of friends to visit their relatives in B.C. But even then, I know I'll feel more alone. Christmas has always been a time spent with my family as a reaffirmation of our love and support and togetherness.. I miss them so much na..

HAPPY TIMES - P.P.S
He said: This is it kids. By this time tomorrow, I'll be Mr. Studio Girl. - Mark and Petite Wedding Blog

Ain't that so sweet?

One of the reasons why I'm so happy for Petite is because I know that she is not only with a smart and wonderful man, but a man who loves and respects her. So much.

Since the wedding is over - I can confess na.. I had promised to give Petite a speech/toast for her wedding. I HAVE NO EXCUSES. But I wasn't able to get to it talaga. Then, Mark contacted me last week. He asked a favor from me to send a surprise message to Petite and Laryang for the weddings. Again, I have no excuses, but I wasn't able to come up with anything on time. I did record a video on my digital camera, but techie-idiot that I am, I wasn't able to upload it. Kase 35MB cya.. Had no time to ship it na.. Then the format was AVI, and one of the websites I found to upload it only accepts MPEG1 format.. Hanap ako ng converter na software but I was not able to make it work. So bottomline, di ko talaga nabigay yung clip. But Mark was so sweet to think of doing this for Petite. And I feel so worse now knowing that not only did I miss this important event, I just suck at delivering to my promises these days. Yeah, I'm busy, and I'm oceans away, but still... I'm prepared to be punished na. :) But I digress.

The point is, I'm glad Petite found Mark, and vice versa. I know she is in good hands. Because even if friends like me fail her at times, I just know her husband will do better. I guess she knows, otherwise she wouldn't be Mrs. ClickMoMukhaMo from today until forever.

Thanks for taking care of Petite. And I know you always will. Saludo ako sa iyo, pareng Mark.

HAPPY TIMES - P.S.
I forgot to mention that while we were in T's apt. we got a chance to watch the Christmas Ship Parade in the Willamette River. Ang cute ng boats.. My favorite one was the fire truck. The ship parade happen nightly, beginning 7PM, till Christmas..

I love T's apt. nga eh.. His bedroom is on the second floor, and he has a view of the river. And speaking of his apt. he had Mama Mary pictures and figures. He's Catholic pala. Wala lang :)

HAPPY TIMES
It's Petite's wedding today. (Or yesterday).. Galeng!! Glad you found your penguin, Fudz.. You truly deserve to be happy.

* * *
Went out with T again last night.. OMG. He is really so sweet. I take it back, crush ko na cya ulet. Una, we hang out at his place with his other friends, and a few of our officemates. He made margaritas and shots.. Kakatuwa because he later changed his shirt.. The office folks were surprised because he was wearing a long-sleeved polo. One of them said "Are you trying to impress somebody?" hehe.. Cute.. We looked at his albums, and I saw one where he played Santa Claus for his nephews and nieces... Complete with the costume and fat belly.. Wow. Was really impressed. Ang sweet. Then the whole gang went to Marrakesh for dinner. I loved the resto. It's a cozy Moroccan restaurant. Grabe, we ate a five-course meal.. My favorites were the appetizer (some sort of eggplant salad that we eat with bread) and the mint tea.. There's a belly dancer for entertainment.. It was so much fun.. including the sitting on low seats and eating with the hands over a big plate you share withe everyone on the table. As in, super bonding kami ha.. T really has a great sense of humour.. Not too bad for a self-confessed geek..

After dinner we decided to hit the clubs.. But as usual, the married folks went home na.. The singles decided to walk around the downtown.. But I was really feeling so cold and he noticed, so he offered his jacket to me.. I said no, but he insisted.. Was so kilig.. Grabe. Anyways, we went to Green Room to listen to a band which sucked, so we headed out to Red Sea, which is a reggae club. Galing, parang Xaymaca.. Complete with Bob Marley murals.. It was really smoky but we had fun dancing.. We checked out a couple more clubs, and then ended up playing pool in Rialto around 2AM.. Nye. He saw how much I sucked at pool. Didn't want to play but the guys insisted.. Sige, whatever, my partner and I won a couple of time, and lost thrice.. Cya, nood lang.. I told him he's an old man na.. Tawa cya.. Oo daw..

We walked home to his apartment. Five blocks.. Naku, NY experience all over again.. He told me I should buy shoes na merong barb wire sa heels for the rainy season.. Haha.. Was wearing my boots kasi and he had to wait for me kasi super bagal ako.. Baka madulas, ever.. The poise. It was drizzling hard kaya he was soaking wet.. I gave him back his jacket pero ok lang daw.. :)

I guess I was just so hung up on E (I still am, konti na lang, promise), to notice all these wonderful details about T. But I'm really happy about the way things are right now.. We're having fun, and we're getting to know each other.. And I'm savouring all the kilig moments in the process :)

MY BEST FRIENDS' WEDDINGS
Two weddings, just a week apart. My two best friends, both of whom I've known for more than 10 years now, have finally taken that step. How long ago was it, Fudz, when we made that pact? The barkada agreed that whoever got married first will make sure that everyone will attend, and will cover travel and lodging expenses if the others were not in the wedding location. So I guess Laryang owes me a ticket back home still.. Laryang, who is already in her honeymoon now, was my soccer buddy.. and Spraynet sister.. Haha.. In fairness, I've always known it was either Laryang or Fudz who was gonna make that trip to the altar first... :)

Fudzy, or Petite as most people know her, was my writing buddy.. We were still kids really when we met. We have fought and made up, grown up. Like I said, she has seen many versions of me. And I've seen many versions of her as well.. Including that version who was/is happy with her man. You know, that guy from ClickMoMukhaMo.. These two guys actually started me blogging.. Which is ironic because I work in a company enabling the internet economy and all.. But I digress..

I've had a chance, or the honor, really, to see Petite and Mark together.. Bagay talaga sila.. They're both really smart (and good-looking, cyempre!!).. Self-confessed geeks, actually.. And everytime I'm with them, I just feel like they have it figured out.. More than most people, that's for sure.. Cyempre, I also witnessed the tampuhans.. Some of them petty, some quite serious, but always they find their way back to each other's arms.. I guess it comes not only from their own strengths, but mostly from their strong commitment to each other.. And I'm always amazed that they don't always have to be stitched together in order to remain a couple. They can do things on their own, continue to grow individually, and yet, continue to build a strong relationship..

You guys are my benchmark. Pwede pala talaga. Relationships can work.. Intelligent people can stay together without hurting each other's necks.. You can each choose your career paths without the feeling that one will outdo the other....You can have fun with or without the other.. Though I can't relate to your Warcraft (tama ba?) addiction, tuwa talaga ako that you can do that together.. Cute nila, noh??

Well, this is it, guys... The next big step in your lives.. This very important milestone. I pray that God give you more strength, love, and happiness..

Like I said, I know it will only get better from here. Fudz, Mark will not just be your last phone call.. He will be there, in person, with you, every step of the way.

Congratulations to you -- Mark and Petite!! Time to open the champagne! Love you guys!!

p.s. They have really cute pictures in their wedding site.. Kakainggit!!

SHOOT THE MOON
- Norah Jones

The summer days are gone too soon
You shoot the moon
And miss completely
And now you're left to face the gloom
The empty room that once smelled sweetly
Of all the flowers you plucked if only
You knew the reason
Why you had to each be lonely
Was it just the season?

Now the fall is here again
You can't begin to give in
It's all over

When the snows come rolling through
You're rolling too with some new lover
Will you think of times you've told me
That you knew the reason
Why we had to each be lonely
It was just the season


It was hard to say goodbye to you, when everything reminds me of you.. Haven't heard from you for a while. And just when I have gotten to used to it, and accepting that it is all for the best, you come floating back. I'm done... shooting the moon.

I ♥ NY - End





[Clockwise, L-R: Ellis Island; Behind the public library, Bryant Park; St. Patrick's Cathedral; Bryant Park with a view of the Empire State behind me; Beside a painting of the Empire State Bldg; My favorite mupped at the Macy's thanksgiving parade; 5th Ave]




Some of the moments that made my trip unforgettable...
1. Flurries the night before Thanksgiving.. walking on the streets felt so magical :)
2. Watching the Flower Drum Song which starred our very own Lea Salonga (I liked it.. was funny, and yes, I enjoy being a girl :))
3. Finally able to watch one of the best musicals ever - Les Miserables!!
4. Being stalked by that strange guy in red uniform.. After we had our picture taken with him, he followed us for two blocks in Wall Street. He seemed nice and harmless, but then again, we were in NY.
5. Walking in Central Park.
6. Hanging out at the bagel shop after midnight, drinking soup/coffee or eating cookie dough ice cream to ease away the tiredness we felt all day.. And meeting "sopas" boy in the process (the kinda cute cashier whose face seemed to light up everytime we walked in)
7. Honking the horn, after 5 months of not hearing how it sounds like...
8. Just all the laughter I shared with my friends, at even the most babaw of things...
9. Treating ourselves with Lindt Lindor truffles once a day after walking several miles
10. The subway rides.. Scary, creepy, wonderful. Creepy.

... and the million other memories :)

BUTTERY NIPPLES
Ack.. Had too much of those last night. Hangover. How can something so good cause so much pain? :p

But was so tuwa yesterday. See, Mr. T, even if we're just a cube wall apart, has never directly invited me to any of the happy hour sessions with the locals here. Until yesterday. Wow. Progress. Our office rapport have actually been significantly improving. He says hi to me now in the hallway, instead of just nodding at me, then looking down at his feet when we see each other. Strangely, all this happened just when I'm over my crush on him na.. The strip club bit killed it for me. After all, where's the romance in discussing your type of woman with a guy you liked? Nye.

And speaking of strip clubs, we ended up in one again last night. We made an unscheduled "stop" before going to an Irish pub. Grabe, he tricked us. It was no longer awkward like the first time, and I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say I didn't have fun. But I am a girl. And when I stop to think about it, this whole flesh parade is just so totally wrong.

The pub was ok and the band was good. They even played Marley. Galeng. Na-miss ko tuloy Xaymaca. I tried to dance away the intoxication, but it didn't help much. Mr. T offered to drive me home. Sweet cya talaga ha.

I ♥ NY - Again



[Clockwise, L-R: In Wall Street with a strange man in uniform; In front of the New York Stock Exchange; St. Patrick's Cathedral; Times Square at night; A view of NY City at night from the Empire State Bldg; Grand Central station abuzz with people]


NY TRAVEL GUIDE FOR DUMMIES

1. A $120 hotel in OR has a gym and free donuts in the morning. Do not expect such in NY. And yeah, don't be fooled by a nice facade. Expect a hospital-like room and uhm, bathroom tiles the moment you step out of the elevator.
2. Drive less, or drive not. Even if you're an expert Pinoy driver. Your expertise in honking the horn is not in question. You're only going to be in the city for a few days so getting caught in traffic would not be a good way to spend your time..
3. If you plan to visit nearby states after, do rent a car, but park it in a long-term garage. We parked ours right across our hotel at a discounted rate, and we paid $84 for 4 days. Good deal.
4. Compare prices before making any reservations. We rented our car at National, for $135/week.
5. It is a good idea to print driving directions from Mapquest. Again, you don't want downtime, just because you got lost.
6. Spend a few dollars on good maps.. Refer to #5.
7. Familiarize yourself with the vicinity by studying the city map.. The subway stations has a lot of different exits, and it can disorient you when you come up to the streets.. Again, getting lost is no fun.
8. Get a subway map. Knowing how to get to the places you want to go to can save you a lot of time cruising around, or worse, walking around.. Hotels have city guides, and have these nice maps inside.
9. If you want to get good seats to Broadway/Off-broadway musicals at a discounted price (at least 25%), go to the discount booth at Times Square. They open at 3PM.
10. It is a good idea to check out the weather before and during your stay.. Weather channel galore..
11. Bring some good deal of cash.. Although all of the shops accept charge cards, you'll never know when you need it. And most ATMs there charge $1.50 per withdrawal and $1.00 per inquiry.
12. If travelling with friends, spend some time each day before you set out to regroup and plot maps and timelines. A well-planned day makes it more productive.. Again, you don't want to waste time circling in blocks when you're lost.
13. When checking out museums, stay away from guided tours as they tend to last for more than an hour.. Unless you want to get into deeper technical detail on the theory of relativity and the big bang... It's not exactly cool to split from the tour (specially when there are only 6 of you, and the 3 others are your friends), to follow the cute guy checking out the blackhole show ALONE.
14. Do bring comfy walking shoes.. I've always put fashion first before comfort (hehe)... but not this time.. I stopped wearing my boots after the first day because my feet hurt like hell..
15. Do not wear knee high boots at the airport, lest you get chosen for the random security check where you have to remove your coat and shoes..
16. Everyone tends to wear black coats in NY. If you're following a friend, make sure you can identify her from the crowd. We lost one of our companions TWICE. Once, she got left behind while we were crossing the street. We had a hard time spotting her from the CIB (crowd in black). Then she got left behind in the subway.. When we got down our stop, we realized she didn't. And thus, always make a contingency plan.. If you lose someone, pre-plan a meeting point and time where you'll regroup..
17. Upgrade your CF card (or memory sticks or bring lots of film).. You don't want to run out of memory.. Lots of photo ops.. Grabe. Getting an extra battery is good, too.
18. Familiarize yourself with your camera.. A bad picture due to incorrect settings can haunt you for a long time..

VANITY FARE
For my own consumption.. Because, of two things:
1. Somehow, fitting heading to the gym to my current sked is almost impossible
2. All the thanksgiving consumption didn't help (maybe the walking in NY did some good, but nah, the turkey and gravy still won at the end)

"According to Schoenfeld, it takes more than just a healthy diet to keep your derriere looking dynamite. His motto: use it or lose it! After the age of 30, women start to lose muscle mass. Even if the butt doesn't have much fat, it will sag. That's why it's imperative you start a suitable exercise regimen." [More here]

Argh. Ok. Note to self: Lift some weights regularly and do cardio like jump rope daily.. Right, Nic? :p

HAIRYFYING
More NY blogs soon.. Been quite occupied about the status of my hair as the roots are already showing, and my hair is falling out like crazy, my vacuum cleaner almost died on me.. I have not dyed my hair for months so it can recover from the years of abusive hair products.. But, so far, could not see much difference.. So what to do?? Found some good advice here. I dunno if I can ever pull off not shampooing my hair for a month and just use conditioner.. But I think I'm at a point where anything just sounds good.. Need.to.have.healthy.hair.again.

I ♥ NY



Actually, in the short time I was there, I developed a love-hate relationship with it. I guess that's the lure of New York City. It's like that guy who's totally wrong for you. And yet, he is the love of your life.

Why I love NY:
1. Parks... even amidst the tall buildings and the bustling crowd..
2. Libraries and museums everywhere...
3. Broadway! I onced dreamed of going into theatre.. and just being in the theatre district brought me closer to that dream..
4. Central Park (ok, this should really go under the 1st bullet, but then again, it's a different class on its own)
5. The touristy destinations such as Liberty Island/Ellis Island which you can get to easily via public transit (a.k.a. subway)
6. The architecture - the buildings are tall and beautiful, a mixture of modern and classic.. Waldorf in Park Avenue is classy as it is a historical landmark
7. NY = life.. There's so much activity going on, even way after midnight.. It's not called the city that never sleeps for no reason.. Oh yeah, if you just hang in Grand Central Station, you get dazed by all the movement.. Wow.

Why I hate NY:
1. Super crowded. Manila is crowded, yes, but I shy away from the obviously crowded areas like Quiapo, Recto, Baclaran, Megamall because I tend to get claustrophobic in places like these..
2. Lots of garbage and it's smelly. (Parang Pinas! :))
3. The walking (to get around Manhattan midtown).. Grabe.. my feet almost divorced me.. And I wore sneakers na nga eh.. Nag-goodbye na ako to my high-heeled boots after the 1st day.
4. Subway -- Just rode the LRT once and I never tried it again because of my imaginary claustrophobia, and my general dislike of being a breath away from a random person.. And I could never trust strangers.. I don't like it when people I don't know talk to me. All in all, it's just creepy.
5. Traffic - but then again, I'm Pinoy and it was nothing new to me.. Tuwa pa nga ako because it's been a while since used the horn.. Kaka-miss din pala mag-busina.. haha
6. Overpriced everything... Sobrang taas ng sales tax. Even food is expensive.. I mean, I checked out a sweater on sale at Saks.. $200.. Naku, never mind.. And my friend checked out this Burberry scarf. $189.. Pucha, that's a 2MP digi-cam na ah..
7. The perception that danger is lurking everywhere.. Umandar talaga paranoia ko dun.. I always felt like the vendors were always out to swindle people, and that there were muggers everywhere.. Have kwento nga about that next time..

Hmm.. come to think of it, NY reminds me a lot about home.. Maybe that's why in spite of the things I don't like about it, I still wouldn't mind living there..

AM BACK
Vacation's over. And it was good. But now I need another vacation to recover. So many long days. My body aches. My feet hurts. The first thing I did when I arrived from the airport was go to Target and bought a foot spa. All the walking in NY killed my feet, I think. Wawa naman sila. But the massage did some good. What a relief.

Pictures and stories later. Still catching up on a lot of stuff (including sleep.. haay.. sarap). But yeah, all this pain was worth it. My only regret was that because it was way too cold, most of my pictures has me wearing a black coat. Sayang my wardrobe ha :P