Dear Shark,
Focal notwithstanding, where I'm at right now, it's bliss. How can it not be? Another year was added onto my life. It's not a perfect life, but it's still a very blessed life. While I may be left wanting for more material things, I have everything I need. A loving family. Faithful friends. Newfound friends. Long-lost friends found again. What do I have to complain about? Nothing really.

And so I want to pull-in this year's thanksgiving. It's only been a quarter, and already life's been good.

Thanks to my family - my dad, mom, sisters, brother, in-laws, nephews and nieces, for the unconditional love. Year in, year out, I feel it. Every.single.time.

Thanks to my relatives - my cousins, uncles, aunts, who are there, even when I don't always see them. To G&H, for all the love and support from UK. I'm so glad to know you're moving to Oz soon. Maybe I'll see you there, sometime? =)

Thanks to my friends - Lar & Fudz, my oldest friends in the world. And I don't mean the age. Half our lives as best buds? That's tough to beat :) The rest of my high school barkada, my college buds, MBA friends, office friends (you know who you are, you've made life at work so much easier, and the out-of-town gimiks, a lot more fun!).

Thanks to all the boys I've loved before.. Hahaha. Loving and losing has taught me so many lessons. No regrets. Only hope.

Thanks to everyone whom I've crossed paths with. You've added bits and pieces into this life that may be big or small. I will not be who I am now, without all of you.

Shark, I'm happy. And it's not just because of R, though I must say he's one big spoonful of happy syrup nowadays. I know this is all fleeting. But still, he's worth a space or two in this blog. That silly grin or foolish smile you see right now, is because of him. Endorphins, I tell you, are the best.

Love,
X

Dear Shark,
I have a bad case of vacation hangover. Much as I didn't intend it, Summer Love (Rewind) got to me. I have a feeling I couldn't quite place. Longing? Regret? Hope? Sadness?

Remembering our youth and young loves is a tricky thing. Bittersweet, if you may. Everything was so simple at 16. Someone likes you, you like him back. You hold hands, you laugh together, and you try with all your might to keep it going. But at 32, love does not only seem so unattainable but also complicated.

Is he good enough? Am I good enough? Does it matter what job he holds? Or if he is not that eloquent or does not have interests that matter to you? Does our families like us for each other? Will we be able to face a lifelong journey of togetherness or partnership? Or will we end up as another statistic?

Or am I wrong and it's really just all about that elusive spark? Isn't having that connection already hard enough?

At 32, you think more than you feel. And that's the way it's supposed to be. Our life, after all, is the sum of the decisions that we make. If we use our heart too much, we might end up getting hurt. Or worse, end up hurting other people. If we use our mind too much, we might never be able to choose at all or love freely. They key is to strike a balance. But even that is harder than it sounds.

In the end, this brush with summer love is nothing but a mirage. Sad and jaded as it sounds, that's the only logical conclusion I can make, in this gloomy, rainy day.

Tired of thinking,
X

Dear Shark,

I'm still on vacation mode. I have to blog to get it out of my system, so I can get back to reality :)

I had a great time back home. A great human being who was an old friend was an added perk in that package.

R is an old barkada from way back. The last time I saw him was 9 or 10 years ago. It's been so long, I don't even remember. He's from my parents' hometown (which I only visit some summers and sometimes during fiestas/halloween) and a close friend of my cousin (who is one of my good friends, too).

We met one summer in high school. He was very shy, and a little indimated by a city girl like me at first. But we eventually became friends and we hung out for most of the two weeks or so I was there. It was like a little summer fling, but not really. We were just two people who liked each other so much, and made each other laugh. He made me laugh so hard, I think my endorphin level was at an all-time high at that time. That was one of my best summers. R, my cousin M and I became really good friends. But like summer, some good things end. We slowly lost touch when I got back to the city (that was the no-cellphone era, hahaha), though I can't say we didn't try. My visits to the town became fewer and fewer, and my life became more removed from that summer of long ago. I last saw him sometime in college, and never saw him again.

Not until this weekend. It was the night of the grand reunion, and I stepped out of the venue for a bit to get a smoke. My parents still don't know I smoke, so I have to sneak out. I was with my nephew and a niece outside, when a group of guys passed by. One of them was looking at me intently, I guess, trying to decide whether he knew me or not. After my first glance, I decided I didn't know him. He passed by again after a while and again that look. Since I was busy, didn't really make a big deal out of it.

The programme ended shortly after midnight. My cousin (R's friend), didn't attend but he came by after to see me. My cousin tapped me on my shoulder and when I turned around, I stared at him, and it took me a few seconds to recognize him. That was really crazy. Just goes to show how much we've changed all these years. We were no longer the scrawny kids we used to be. I didn't even have breasts then. Hahaha. He called R to his side, and asked me if I remembered him. I shook my head and R was just smiling tentatively, deciding whether to leave or stay. R has totally changed as well, but when I took time to look, I saw the kid I once knew. And when he started cracking jokes, I knew it was him. R told me he also barely recognized me, curly hair and all. When he saw me smoking, he decided it wasn't me. Haha.

My cousin, R and I hung out until the sun was up. We caught up with each other's lives, and tried to dissect why all of us were still single (we're about the same age). We decided to hit the beach since it was already 6AM when we finished. I went home to get changed and ask permission from the 'rents. My mom was already cooking breakfast when I came in, and this was one of the times I was thankful that I'm old enough to stay out all night and not hear anything from my parents. R said he'll call me once they're ready to pick me up at home. I decided to rest a little and went to bed. I woke up to the sound of my brother's cellphone, and instinctively looked at the time. 9:40AM. Our agreement was to leave by 7AM. Shoot. I thought they had abandoned me, but I looked at my phone and saw that it was off. I must have managed to turn it off, and saw I had several messages from R. I text'd him back to apologize. He immediately called me and told me he thought I had changed my mind. I explained to him what happened. I don't think he believed me, but he went to the house around 11AM and we went to the beach with my cousin and nephew. We played cards, drank, ate, talked, laughed, waded in the water.

The tide was low after lunch, and I decided to get a tan. R went with me, and we grabbed two big bottles of beer. We sat in the water for hours and just talked and talked and talked, and drank and laughed some in between. We didn't notice the time pass by, and it was almost sunset when we walked back to the cottage, and only because my best friend had been calling me and my nephew finally decided to break the little moment R and I was having. Hahaha.

Went home to hang out with my cousins and family. After dinner, R came by, and we hung out with my cousins, until they left to sleep one by one. By midnight, we were the last two people standing and I welcomed the 1st hour of my birthday, with him by my side. He gave me a kiss that was tentative and sweet, and felt like a kiss you would get as a kid falling in love for the first time. Giddyness. We continued talking until morning. I managed to go home before the sun rose this time 'coz my dad was driving me back to the city at 7AM.

We spent so much time together in so little time, and it was enough to catch up, and I had enough memories to bring back with me to earth. He works in a Carribean cruise line and he's just here on vacation. And I'm going back to my life here, in my home now.

I was thinking how some things just don't last. But then again, maybe, that's just the way it's supposed to be. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Love,
X

I'm back from my mini-vacation! Albeit, reluctantly. Argh :)

I'm still reeling from the love, fun and hangover (hehe).

It's been great.

Got to eat my favorite hometown dishes (first stop when I arrived was AA's BBQ, hahaha! The baked scallops was super YUM!).



Got to see long lost relatives (The good thing was, I reconnected with my childhood barkada. The downside? I realized that my nieces and nephews whom I've last seen when they were still babies are not only all grown-up, some of them have even married and have their own children. And that makes me a... lola. Gulp. Packshet. Hahahaha!).


Got to appreciate (even more) the legacy that my grandfather left in my parents' hometown (he was a town mayor for more than 30 years, until his untimely death in 1978, due to a car accident). My grandfather was a good man, a good leader, who touched so many lives. He inspired so many people (and still does). I can only aspire to be a fraction of the man he was. And I'm happy that his grandchildren, great grandchildren, great great grandchildren (hahaha) had a chance to know him better, even if they never even met him. I love you, lolo! I can remember your brojas and your butterfly kisses.

Got to spend time in my parents' hometown and rediscovered what a truly beautiful place it is. Beautiful beaches are only 5-mins away.

Got to spend time at the beach with some great people. We stayed until sunset, and still didn't wanna go but we had to. Haaaay. (New tan lines! Yey. Hahaha!)

Got to spend a lot of quality time with my loved ones. Happiness with family. And I even got to spend some time with my best friends, though only at the last minute, since I didn't go back to the city until the day of my return flight. As Laryang said, too many things to talk about, too little time. And as I said, I promise to manage my time better next time. Too many loved ones to hang out with, too little time :)

Got to spend my birthday in a fashion with less bang than usual (no frills or big party) but it was one of the best so far. I felt the love in all the worlds/home that I have known. Awww. :) I reconnected with an "old friend". And what do you know? While I didn't quite exactly get what I wished for, I got something close ;)

Got to learn that while we discover so many wonderful things in moving on, we shouldn't be afraid to look back. The things we rediscover might just surprise us.

What a nice start to my early weekend. Finals for this term's class is finally over and done with. Whew! Two more electives to go, then the dreaded STRAMA, and I'll be done with this school business. Yey. Really want to move on. MBA has gotten so old (and so have I, hahaha!).

Our group chose to hold our case study presentation at Caffe Maestro. It's a quaint little Italian resto located at (the former) Reposo St. in Makati. It has a small gallery on the 2nd floor (where the smoking area is). The antique furnitures are also for sale. The main dining area is downstairs, and has a lovely, romantic atmosphere during dinner time (soft lights, Italian music). But it's not cozy, though. The layout is business-like (4-6 seater tables, not that much space between tables). Tonight was not a busy night, probably only half the tables were filled, yet we can still clearly hear the laughter of four odd-looking businessmen two tables down. They were sometimes distracting, specially during the part when Prof was grilling us to the point of confusion. At the end of the nearly three hour defense, Prof admitted he got confused himself, and acknowledged that our solutions were actually right on track. And we were all like, oh-god-we-just-spent-forever-debating-through-this-whole-thing. He ended with a "very good", but until I see my grade, I'm holding off the celebration. Hehe.

But wait, we did reward ourselves with pana cota. Super orgasmic and delicious. It costs ~P220, but it's worth every centavo. Actually, the food was not bad. I loved their 4-cheese pizza and the seafood pasta (my normal Italian order). What is good about Italian cuisine is that it's so carbo loaded that sharing is almost always a must (since it's just so filling). And thus, though individual orders are a little pricey, a group of at least 4 will definitely get their money's worth. Oh, I also liked the eggplant parmesan (but I'm biased since eggplant is my absolute most favorite veggie). I give Caffe Maestro 3.5 stars (enough parking slots, accomodating staff adds to the list of good things).

___
I'm off to the Queen City of the South in a bit. Hopefully, I can get together with my friends before I head off to our family reunion in the north. My schedule is pretty tight (and since there are no A/T cars back home, I'm practically at the mercy of my little brother, to be able to get around). I intend to make this getaway more relaxing than harried. Cross fingers.

In the meantime, I need to finish packing and try to travel light since no one is bringing me to the airport. And this is one of the times I actually miss having a boyfriend. Hahaha!

___
Speaking of boyfriends, for the record, in spite of my ex, I do love my ex "in-laws". While my ex and I were together, they accepted me into the family and loved me liked their own. Of course, at the end of the day, blood is still thicker than water, so they were "blind" to the faults of my ex. Or maybe the right term is tolerant. Anyway, I realized I was quite harsh in referring to them in a previous post, in my attempt to be sarcastic. They don't deserve it. In fact, we are still in touch, and when I told them I might be going "home", they were quite excited and invited me to stay with them. I miss the kids. It would have been nice just to hug them one more time. But then again, keeping the communication lines open to a bare minimum is ok. Opening my heart once more, is dangerous. I had to remind myself not to get too close. It took me a while before I felt whole again. And that's an understatement.

___
I don't know how to end this post except that I overslept. That is how much I've been sooooooo tired lately. But glad I'll be taking a break and hope to be back with a renewed mind and spirit.

Tata, everyone. Happy weekend.

Within 60 seconds, my unplanned trip to KL was cancelled. Would have gone just because I want to have my picture taken with Petronas in the background.

Boss: You ok to travel to KL next week?
Me: KL? Why?
Boss: EQ class. So you can train our folks here.
Me: Oh. When?
Boss: Class is on Wednesday. You need to travel on Tuesday.
Me: Argh. That's my birthday. And I'm still back home then.
Boss: Ok, so can you go?
Me: No*.

Goodbye, KL. Next time, then.

(Don't you just hate last minute trips??!! Sheda!)

*If it was Costa Rica, I might have reconsidered. Hahaha.

Dear Shark,

Still on the subject of boobs, go check out this link.

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Play beautiful.


Thanks to Mark for the link in his post. I had a good laugh. Hahaha!

Sheda,
GJG

One of my classmates asked me this question more than once already, "Bakit ba di ka pa nag-aasawa?"

I swear if she asks me once more time, instead of a cursory smile, I'm going to give her any of the following answers:

1. I know misery loves company. Thanks, but no thanks.
2. Why? Aren't your marital problems enough to entertain your friends anymore?

Kidding. (Doesn't mean I'm not sorely tempted, though. Hahaha).

_____
I was all set to pay for my groceries earlier at Rustan's, when the cashier suddenly blurted out -- "Ang ganda naman ng boobs mo.".

Uhm. Okay. Should I have said thank you? Hahaha. Wanted to tell her though these are real, just in case she was wondering.

Sheda!
_____
* Sheda - apparently a "local" word from the TV series, Engkantadia. It's supposed to mean "Shut up" (not really sure. Don't watch that show). Pero pauso lang, sheda = chuva = nothing. =)

The truth is, there wasn't going to be a final part of this post. I have no feelings whatsoever for my upcoming birthday. Not excitement, not anticipation, and not even the perennial "argh". Maybe this is a sign that this girl has indeed grown up, in ways where it matters. (And I have to qualify that since I will always be a child, in ways where it matters :))

I'm not sure exactly when it started, but I've taken to celebrating life as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. I mutter my thank you, for another day added into my now colorful life, and thank you as well, for the people who have made my life (and still making it) worth living. And in that sense, my birthday has lost its special importance. I no longer need to wait a year to celebrate life and family and friends. The prospect of drinking the night away is only mildly appealing. (That being said, I still do crave for those crazy, inhibition free parties, but not as much as before).

Still, a few more days, and I'm officially turning 32. It sounds like a big number when I say it. But I no longer flinch when I think about it. My last 32 years may not have been perfect but the stumbles and the falls only reinforced how truly loved I was, by the people whose love meant the most. I have already undergone quite a few quarter-life crisis episodes within my years, but now, I am at peace at where I am. I find no need to prove myself. Nor do I want to fit myself to the standards that others have set. (Well, I've never been a conformist, for most of my life, anyways). I've plenty of small achievements throughout those years that have made my parents proud. And while I value my work, my sense of fulfillment is now far greater than getting a hefty paycheck. While I will let ambition continue to drive me, I will never allow it to enslave me either. I'd rather climb mountains than the corporate ladder.

Arlene asked me what my birthday wish is. I said, world peace. How very beauty queenish :) She told me, she wants something attainable, maybe materialistic. (Her birthday is coming up, too. Happy birthday dearie!). Material things are easy to wish for - SUV, spanking new bike, iPod, condo makeover, more Havaianas. And while I'll be happy to get those for my birthday (hahaha, yeah right), I'll have to shoot for something even harder to get. I wish for a true love's first kiss. Sheda. Hahaha!

"Searching for a day, a simple life
Among the clouds, the sky is blue
Watch the stars falling around at night

My dream, your dream
Dreams come true,
Trying hard

Always follow what's in your heart
Always listen to what's inside
Always fly high & don't come down" - Pink Life

Overheard on radio earlier:

DJ: Where are you calling from?
Caller (a.k.a. Paul): 928-7986

Go call him. Serves him right for answering the question wrongly, and daring to announce his landline on-air. Harhar. I'm so mean =)

This reminded me of an episode in Arizona a few years back. I was with some officemates, lining up to get some food @ (the now bankrupt) Boston Chicken. 4 of us were first-time travellers, so this booboo is kinda forgivable. But it's a classic, nonetheless. Hehehe.

In queue are officemate #1 at the cashier, myself behind him and officemate #2 behind me. Officemate #1 just finished stating his order.

Cashier: For here or to go?
Officemate #1: Uhm, ern, not sure about the exact address but we're staying at Marriot in Mesa.
Me (laughing loudly at the back and nudging him): It's just another way of saying dine in or take out. (Still laughing)
Officemate #1: Oh. Dine in.

The look of the dumbfounded cashier was priceless. Hahahaha.

But that episode did not end there. After I recited my order and paid, it was now officemate #2's turn. Please note that all five of us were already talking about the booboo at this point. Apparently, officemate #2 still didn't get it.

Cashier: For here or to go?
Officemate #2: Marriot Mesa.

Wahaha.

Deja Vu. Super booboo. Grabe =)

_________
It's a Friday and I'm dissing people in my post. Katuwaan lang po. Have a good one!

_________
Dear Shark,
The Pangasinan gang are going to Bicol this weekend, to my ex's hometown, actually. A couple of years back, I swore to never go back to that place ever again. Too many painful memories. But oddly, I was originally gung ho about going. This only means one thing. I've finally, truly moved on, and I'm happy for me. Yay me! =)

But I'm out of town again next weekend, so I decided to skip this trip at the last minute. Have to go pasalubong shopping, and start packing since it's going to be another hectic week ahead. Finals for our class this term. Besides, gotta get some rest.

Much as I would love to go away for the weekend (and as an added bonus, see the relatives who covered up for that #%*!$ of an ex), I have to stay. I miss weekends in Manila, anyway. Not. Hehe.

Love,
BWP (Babaeng Walang Pahinga)

Day 3 (Sunday)
Bolinao is a coastal town lined up with many resorts fronting the South China Sea. Bing's Resort, where we stayed at, is one of them. It's a quiet little place, renting 5 airconditioned rooms and one function room, where the lone karaoke machine sits (and that piece of information is, of course, uber essential, harhar). Undoubtedly, the previous night could have ended much later, if the function room was not occupied by a group of teachers and administrators who, expectedly, hogged the karaoke. God help their singing, we had to improvise a game for us to drown the sound away :p

Sunday morning was lovely. Woke up to the sound of the waves. It was low tide, so we walked towards the sea, until the water was around our ankles. Light breeze brushing our hair, summer sun smiling upon us - it was the perfect summer day.

After breakfast, we headed to Cape Bolinao lighthouse, the second tallest in the Philippines. And yes, it's still functional (apparently, self-operating). We weren't able to climb up, so we just took some pictures, then headed towards the tip of Bolinao. We checked out Treasures (one of the more famous resorts in Bolinao). Then we went to Nilly's, the resort next door (where apparently Ruffa Gutierrez shot some scenes for the movie Ang Pinakamagandang Hayop remake).

We soaked it up some more, and after a snack of Bida (Boy Bawang's competition), we reluctantly left paradise to make one last stop in our weekend getaway.

Enchanted Cave is an underground cave with fresh water. The water was quite deep, so we just stayed by the rocks. Cool and refreshing, and the perfect last stop before we finally went back to our resort for another feast, a.k.a. lunch. After lunch, we satisfied our karaoke craving while the rest were getting ready. We finally headed back to Manila around 4PM.

The ride back home was much more calm, and all of us were really sleepy. We stopped at the Luisita Mall for dinner and Starbucks, and I was home shortly after midnight, Monday morning.

Pangasinan was definitely a lovely getaway. Reminded me of my parent's coastal town in Cebu, as well as the coastal towns we visited back in Costa Rica. Lovely doesn't even do justice.

This is what summers should be like :)

Day 0 (Friday)
I decided to join the Pangasinan getaway just a couple of days back. Since it was a crazy week, didn't have time to pack. I wanted to buy a new snorkel set before heading off home to pack. I got sidetracked because there was a farewell dinner for I, whom I went with to Boracay last year. Social obligation, as they said.

I totally forgot about the snorkel by the end of the work day, and pretty soon we found ourselves having dinner at Saisaki. We got uber excited as they GAVE us pretty animal stuff toys with our drinks. As for the food, didn't care much for their shrimp tempura. I did like the vegetable tempura, I got a second helping. Bad idea, as that made me stuffed like my toy lion. I was no longer able to check out the Kamayan feast after that. Just had ice cream and ube/leche flan con yelo (hehe). Everyone was still in ok mood, until we got our bill. The blasted toys cost us P160 for our drinks while a regular drink was only ~P60. What a scam! At no point while serving us, did they ever mention that those toys did not come with the drink for free, which was the impression we got, after they served it even without asking us if we wanted the toys or not. So the next time you go to Saisaki (Dads or Kamayan), be sure to clarify everything they put on your tables, lest hidden charges kill your dinner for you.

After that very expensive dinner, I went home to pack. I was off to our meeting place a little after 11, and was there shortly before midnight. The whole gang of 8 was complete and since we were supposed to leave by 2, only the driver of the 2nd car went to take a 3-hr nap, while the rest sang their hearts out.

Day 1 (Saturday)
We left Marikina at around 2:30AM in 2 cars - one small van and one sedan. I think we had a couple of bio and yosi breaks, and we finally arrived in Alaminos around 7AM. I sampled the Alaminos longaniza during breakfast, and it was a bit on the salty side, but yum.


After freshening up and changing into our beach outfits, we set out to the Hundred Islands National Park. It was a bright sunny day for a boat ride along the Lingayen Gulf, and it was awesome to see all those islands of different shapes and sizes. We tried counting but we stopped after it was clear there was just way too many. (Incidentally, I can now happily tell my U.S. counterpart that I have already seen 100 of our coutry's 7100 islands.. Harhar). There are supposedly 123 islands during high tide, and 124 during low tide. There are three islands that have been developed for tourists: Governor's Island (on it sits a lone house that is supposedly turned over from one governor to the next), Quezon Island and Children's Island (a resort with several huts for visitors to rent). We proceeded to Papaya Island, and from the time we arrived until the time we left - we had the island all to ourselves! Although there were some rocks and plants on the seabed, the sand was white. We went snorkeling, swimming and just horsed around on the beach. Except for our laughter, there were no other noises around us. Heavenly.

On our way home, we dropped by Padi or Cuenco Island, where there was a short cave, cutting across the island. That was our last stop, before we headed back to Bgy Lucap in Alaminos. We stopped by the town to take some photos on the wharf, and checked out the pasalubong items (nothing extraordinary, though).

Soon after, we were off to Bani, another town on the way from Alaminos to Bolinao (our final stop), which is the hometown of J. The huge ancestral home was amazing, and his tita had lots of stories about Pangasinan. After a snack of turon and soda, we then travelled to Bolinao, which was some 30mins away. We stopped at St. James, an old Spanish church, typical of most old towns. Then we headed to the resort, which was another 15mins away. It was sunset by the time we arrived, and we got there just in time to get some nice sunset shots. Yey.

Dinner was again sumptuous. We hang out at the hut on the 2nd floor, feeling the cool breeze on our skin, and awed by the beauty around us. There is nothing like listening to waves as they splash the shore. Absolutely wonderful. We were all tired by then, as none of us really had decent sleep since we left Manila, around 20 hours before. But, nothing could stop us from having a couple of beers at that point. We played a game called Top 3, which is basically going round the table for each one to name their top 3 for a category chosen, like top 3 crushes at work, top 3 most beautiful at work, top 3 worst-dressed male, top 3 worst-dressed female, etc. Hahaha. It was fun.

(Day 2 and pictures to follow :))

Crazy is falling in love. Crazy is falling in love with your best friend. Crazy is falling in love with your best friend even when he said he doesn't love you back that way.

Crazy is planning a vacation that's scheduled five months from now. Crazy is booking the vacation on weekdays, with no long holiday weekend in sight. Crazy is having at least a week to finalize the plans but waiting until almost the last hour to make a decision. Crazy is still getting 8 people to go, in spite of the last minute prep. And crazy is seeing this on the news while everyone was finalizing the dates in a harried frenzy and then buy the tickets. Haha.

Yeah, blame it on Cebu Pac's P10 at 10 promo that expired 10mins ago (at least that's what the promo said).

Don't ask me about love though. Can't say I can blame that on anything :p

They say the day we stop celebrating women's day is the day we are finally victorious. That is the day when the female stereotype of being submissive to men will be rid off. That is the day when men stop looking at women like objects or pasttimes. That is the day when real equality happens in the workplace, when women don't have to work doubly hard in order to prove they are as capable as their male counterparts. That is the day when we no longer need a holiday to remind ourselves, and the rest of the world, of our worth.

My personal advocacy is abuse against women. I've been there. And while it was happening, I was looking at myself from afar, dying a little each day. And dying some more with every abuse I received. But I'm very blessed to have a solid support system, and soon I found myself standing up and fighting back. Not everyone is as strong or as blessed. And some women still believe that domestic violence is normal in relationships. It's NOT.

There's an article here that explains what abuse is. Information is always power. Excerpt below.
"Psychological battering -- The abuser's psychological or mental violence can include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolating the woman from friends and family, and depriving her of food, money, clothes, and destroying her personal property. "

Take a look around you. Look closer. Someone you know may be experiencing some kind of abuse. And the best way to help is reach out. Believe me. My family and friends literally saved my life.

“Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.” - Grey's Anatomy Season 1

Maybe this is what 32 feels like. It feels like not wanting to take crap from men who couldn't make up their minds or couldn't figure out what their hearts want. It feels like not wasting tears. It feels like no longer wanting to ask questions that may never be answered (or that has answers that you don't want to accept). It feels like knowing when to quit. It feels like accepting the things that will never be.

I always say, if it's too complicated, then it was probably never meant to be. Love should be simple. Love should be easy. Love should come naturally.

Love is also mutual. When someone can't even find it in his heart to commit to you, but he can find time to call you whenever he feels down, or keep you awake at night because he feels lonely, or kiss or hug you whenever he feels cold, that's not mutual. But it's very convenient. For the guy.

And being 32 feels like banging your head to the wall, until you wake up, and learn to say "enough" and move on. Because you are not worth this crap.

But I guess you already know that. Now I hope you won't wait until you're 32 to do something about it.

I posted this exactly 2 years ago. Reprinting in its entirety (but I crossed out the ones I consider done, new comments in this color). And all I can say is, TIME WARP!

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Actually, I made a to-do-before-30 list around 4 years ago. Sadly, not much progress.. Got too caught up with a lot of other things along the way... but i'm still not giving up on this list..

1. learn how to swim – I love the ocean, but after a couple of near-drown incidents, I gave up on swimming… but, now I want to give it another shot.. i want to be the next jesebelle.. hehehe
2. learn to drive M/T – I've not mastered the art of driving a stick-shift.. paet! I can never borrow my sisters' cars because of this… specially now when i have to send my car to repair.. i have not commuted since forever.. and ayoko! :)
3. learn how to dive – uhm, i shud start with #1 first
4.learn how to cook – hmm.. this is kinda so-so.. I've managed to learn how to cook sinigang and adobo.. in my book this counts as knowing how to cook.. hahahaha…
5.learn CPR/First Aid – I'm certified now.. yipey!

2/5 in 4 years is almost discouraging but heck, I've also done things not in my list, like skydiving, bungee jumping, and some things that are not so PG … hahaha…j/k

well, as my countdown to 30 continues, I decided to create 30 simple things I can manage to do in less than 30 days.. silly things, things I've never done before, things I've not done in a long time.. and so on..
1. ride the MRT for the 1st time
2. take the jeepney (just to Rockwell lang, kay init na ra ba.. hehe)
3. finally have the guts to go through my Oregon stuff, put away the boxes and the memories along with them…
4. do not be late for work for one whole week
5. let my inner rocker out in the incubus concert.. kesehodang SRO.. i have to get over my claustrophobia to get through this one alive and happy =)
6. cut down on non-work related internet time to one hour per day (but i think the addiction is back now)
7. no soda for 3 consecutive days
8. take my vitamins regularly (believe me this is such a chore for me..)
9. enroll in the gym (i didn't say actually GO to the gym, hahaha!)
10. never have a 1.5 for my accounting class assignments ever again!
11. do not procrastinate and study for class on Sundays.. Sunday is my MBA study time.. (repeat 100000x)
12. drink 8 glasses of water per day
13. not have a fight with the ex ever again, and if possible, totally ignore him
14. call my mom and dad at least 1x/week
15. visit my ate and nephews/niece in q.c. at least 1x/2 weeks
16. never be late for meetings and send out meeting minutes at most 2 days after the meeting
17. talk to my engineers sporadically through the day
18. have lunch together with my engineers during workdays
19. actually have lunch, no matter how tight my sked is
20. have lunch instead of use my break for smoking
21. send the car to the repair shop
22. get the long overdue police report at the station
23. treat my engineers to starbucks tagaytay
24. do good on my promise to arl to get her a date :p
25. no more absences because of hangover
26. have the discipline to not go out during weekdays or be in bed by midnight (potah, PBB is keeping me up. Evict Keanna and I will have my sleep. Hehehe! )
27. complete one whole week at work
28. try to love my job again and not be angry at the circumstances because things will be better soon (new job, same dilemma)
29. stick to my ½ cup rice per day diet
30. try at least 3 different drinks/cocktails i've never tried before (i've tried orgasm in cable car last time, and it was kinda anti-climactic.. hahaha.. now, blow jobs and buttery nipples, i like.. lol) (the first thing I crossed out in the list, not surprisingly. Wahaha)

It looks like Rustom is finally going to reveal the answer to the question everyone has been asking for the longest time, that people knew the answer to, anyways. It's about time. Everyone deserves to live their lives openly and without fear. I know, that's easier said and done. But it's what I believe in, nonetheless.

Haay. I've been working all night. It's crazy nowadays. And only PBB is keeping me sane. Hahaha!

(Just to prove my point - while Rustom was reaching the climax of his confession to Keanna, she suddenly cut him off to say she seriously needs to go (wiwi). Rustom told her to go inside the house. Instead, she went behind the bushes, and did her thing. Hahaha! She cracks me up, that girl.)