HIATUS
Birthday in two days.. This is the 1st time I'm kinda bothered that I'm turning a year older... Except maybe when I turned thirteen, because I've always wanted to remain my dad's "baby" :P During the last few weeks, my life just flashed before me - the past haunting me, the present suspended in a one-day-at-a-time mode and the future still cloudy... It's not actually the getting old part that bothers me, but the fact that there are a lot of big decisions to make this year.. Sometimes I wish I can just escape from all of this.. Just retreat to a place where nothing else matters... Sometimes I wish through some magic, everything will just fall into place, then I won't have to spend a lot of time agonozing over what to do...

It's timely that I'll be going off to Lucena City tom. Dais invited me to spend the Holy week with her family. I can't connect remotely to our network since they have no PLDT line, ergo, I'm freed from my obligation to check on work once in a while, for 5 days!

And so, I will be in some sort of hiatus... won't be online for a while... and I'll be using the time to do 5S in my life (and I'll have to include my email archives as well.. would you believe i still keep mails from way back 1998?!). And I'll do some major reflection... And yeah, the fresh air will do me good... Or so I hope.

btw, dear Sieggy has been down in the dumps these past few days due to a string of bad lucks, as he calls it... Like I told another friend, we experience bad days so we will value and cherish the good ones! And yep, good days do come.. Hang in there! See you soon...

And speaking of that other friend, I'd like to give some loving to kuya Pat as well... (see how harassed he's been lately? he hasn't blogged in ages... :P ) Ey! This, too, shall pass :) *Muah*

See yah, all! Have a blessed week and wherever you go this week, don't forget to hug your loved ones first! Then go say a prayer to the One up above! Be safe.. and lastly, have a fun Easter Sunday! ('-')

BUSY WEEKEND
I'll be celebrating a significant milestone of my life in a few days... Wow, another year has ended, and more to come (I hope :->).. So, the weekend just sort of whizzed by with get-together activities with friends and family..

FRIDAY: Out with Cristina and Karmina... Unfortunately, Rochelle and Thet could not make it at the last minute.. Nevertheless, I had so much fun with the girls... Dinner, alcohol and conversation with friends... Nothing could be better :) Much of the conversation revolved in my upcoming move to OR for a few months.. I think it's sweet that they are feeling some anxiety as well.. Though maybe, not as anxious as I am... Gawd, I really want to stay... There are so many reasons to stay...

SATURDAY: Went to the new Ratsky at Morato Ave. with my Saturday school friends (later, a few of Pat's teammates joined us)... The place is bigger than the one in Malate.. Their customer service is pwede na (definitely a lot of room for improvement)... The food was pricey and choices were limited.. The bands were ok, though... Grabe! We had so much fun... We literally danced and drank the night away... The highlight of my night came when this band (Beatnicks?) called volunteers to sing onstage... My friends volunteered me! Slightly intoxicated, plus the fact that the male vocalist was soooo yummy-handsome, I forgot my inhibitions and went up onstage(hehe, this is the second time.. I also sang with a band in Padi's Point when I was out with some office friends last year.. and yeah, i was kinda under the influence.. hehe..), singing the same song pa (Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang - Freestyle)... Hehehe.. I wouldn't pass up that chance to sing with Jericho - yup, the vocalist... Gawd, still can't get over the kilig!! What an all-nighter (got home 5AM)! :-)

SUNDAY: Splash Island with family... We wanted to leave early to avoid the long queue and traffic since we had a very bad experience a few summers ago... My nephews went up to fetch me at 630AM and they were knocking on my apt. door for an hour already before I woke up (oh, plus the 20 missed calls from my Ate).. Shucks, I even set-up the alarm.. I was that wasted.. So you know, with only a couple of hours sleep, I was really cranky. So I was low-batt when we got there. Practically did nothing. But am still happy because my pamangkins had a swell time doing the rides and swimming! For PHP325 per head, it's pricey. Specially pa that I was really disappointed to see that the tables were dirty and there were not enough beach chairs around (thus, I couldn't continue sleeping...) But the kids enjoyed their time together, and that to me, is priceless :)

Oh, btw, I also watched Bandits. I so love this movie! It's ultra funny... Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thorton and Cate Blanchett really rendered outstanding performances! This movie is about the "Sleepover Bandits" played by Bruce and Billy Bob (gosh, another sexy actor!). But this movie is more than just about crime (I wouldn't want to giveaway the ending so I can't comment much about this).. It's also about relationships - between the two bandits, who are really good friends, and a bizarre love triangle. Cate's character (also named Kate) is a highly eccentric, unappreciated woman trapped in a boring marriage. The exciting life of the duo drew her to stay with them and found herself in a dilemma on choosing between the typical bad boy (strong, manly, tough, "medyo bastos", rough) and the typical good guy (brainy, geeky, sweet, thoughtful, gentle).. Oh, don't we just wish one guy would have it all?! But if should choose, I'd chose Billy Bob's character, minus his hypochondria.. :P

WHAT IF...
You grew up in a family of achievers... Your dad is a self-made man, and your mom is a career woman who belongs to political family in their turf... You have sisters who are doctors, top-notch sales managers... And you pretty much lived in a bubble... in a perfect little world where excelling in whatever you do is the norm... Yes, you went through long periods of angst, but that never got in the way of your growth, nor distracted you or damaged you in any permanent way... No matter what you went through, you were still able to get past through it all mostly unscathed...

And then you zoom in to one of your sister's life... She has an illegitmate son from a bum/scum... whatever... He grew up with his grandparents while his mom worked... He became the baby of the family and he was smothered will all the love and attention.. Now he's a teenager... He's a bright young man... He has a stepfather now who loves him like his own... He has a little sister now... They are a close-knit family. But then the news. He failed class. He has to repeat. He has not been going to class for three months! He has been spending all this time in the internet cafe... And you wonder where he gets his all the money to spend playing... You cannot understand. Everyone loves this boy. You love this boy. You even once introduced him as your baby (back when you were still taller and your then bf had the same curly hair). What happened? What went wrong? But the more important question is, what should be done next? You talk to him regularly and he seems fine.. Typical rebel, you guess. Will never admit to anyone what they feel inside. You remember your own youth when you felt you could not talk to anyone but your friends... And you felt that your family is out to get you... So you closed up and confined yourself in your own little world. But despite of that, you knew your priorities. And even if looking back you know you could have done better, still for most people, you did great. So really, you are at a loss... And you are worried because for the first time, you don't seem to have any answer. For the first time, you are facing a blank wall. And you can't let it go. Because you know that this is just the beginning. If this won't be resolved now, then worse things could happen.

So, what if, this happened to you, what would you do?

Destiny happens. Much like shit does. - Sieg

College boy, what do you want? You text me once in a blue moon. And then you call at 3:30AM in the morning!! I don't know what you want. And I'm undecided if I care to know what you want. But I'm blogging this, aren't I, so I guess now I'm just as confused as you are... Should I see you when I go back home this April? But whatever for? Closure for a short-lived, whirlwind romance that happened eight years ago? It took me a while to get over you. No. It took me many years. Finally when I no longer even have fleeting thoughts about you, you pop into in my life unexpectedly.

Sieg told me that there are things in our lives that happens as a sign. Some happen because of destiny. Blah.

CONGRATULATIONS to Mark G., Arlene's "little" brother... who placed third in the 2001 BAR exams... Wow!! Super galeng... And yeah, he's an Atenean! :)

** can I mention he's from UP High also? :P **

* There are some comments that you take lightly, or even dismiss… but then once in a while, a few words thrown at your face makes you stop. Then think. Maybe wallow on it for a bit. And then, in time, shrug, and let go. :)
* So I was watching the morning show today, and this made me thank the high heavens we couldn’t book flights to Boracay in April. Gawd, I don’t mind basking under sweltering heat, but I do want to sleep comfortably at night… No electricity? No can do…
* A couple of bombs were detected in Makati early this morning… Thankfully, they were subsequently defused. I want to curse… But I’ll stop at that. For now.
* I've been missing it for years... but it looks like there's a big chance I'll make it to the Jamaican Nights at Cebu Beach Club this year... Foam party, reggae music, and dudes everywhere... hehe... And we're planning to go to Malapascua as well! I love summer sooooooo much! :P

T*ng*na!!! Someone just called me a manang! Gawd, I rarely get affected by comments pertaining to age and looks, but this one just got to me... Dem. There goes my self-esteem...

LAZY SUNDAY
Watched a movie this afternoon with my Ate Ais, bro-in-law and their kids… Last night, we also had dinner and coffee, together naman with Ate Chan, Kuya Seng and kids… It’s been a while since we all got together… Next week, we’ll be celebrating *an event* at Splash Island… :)

Hehe… we watched “Got to Believe”. I’m not being defensive and you can call me jologs or baduy, but I honestly enjoyed the movie. Good acting (from most of the cast), direction and cinematography, and it’s a really funny and fun movie… It’s sort of like a big-screen version of Ally McBeal and Clueless combined. The scenes in Tagaytay were pretty, too. Oh, those flowers... And Claudine gave a good performance as a rather eccentric, single, twenty-something career woman in search of her prince charming but despite her beauty and brains, still manages to end up dating misfits… Ouch. Sounds awfully familiar :P

Anyway, just finished watching Will and Grace. In this episode, Grace was frantic and worried that she and Will are drifting apart. She freaked out because she thinks nothing holds them together. They are not married, they don’t have kids, and sooner or later, they will have boyfriends…there’s just too many things pulling them away to other directions…

Sometimes the answers to our own questions come in different forms… :) Mine came through the song Will sang to Grace…

Love, love will keep us together
Think of me babe whenever
Some sweet talkin' girl comes along, singin' a song
Don't mess around, you just gotta be strong

Just stop, 'cause I really love you
Stop, I've been thinkin' of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together

You belong to me now
Ain't gonna set ya free now
When those girls start hangin' around, talkin' me down
Hear with your heart and ya won't hear a sound

Young and beautiful, but someday your looks'll be gone
When the others turn you off, who'll be turnin' you on
I will, I will, I will, I will be there to share forever
Love will keep us together
I said it before and I'll say it again
While others pretend
I need ya now and I need ya then

SENTI
"No matter how much I don't want to believe it, life has no meaning until you share it with someone..." - Ally McBeal

This time I know I’m not just PMSing… But I can’t help feel this way… There’s just too many reminders that I’ll be going away soon… Keena, Rochelle, Thet (I never see Cristina anymore since she shifted to Regis, but she’s still in the loop…) are mega-planning on all sorts of get-together activities… They want “exclusive” time with me, since I’m mostly hanging out with Daisy, Pat and the rest of my other MBA friends lately… And just when Sieg and I have finally figured out we’re soulmates, too! :) And oh, I’ve been spending a lot of time with old friends lately… Like Emong, because his wife is on maternity leave, so he can hang out na… Hehe… And of course, who can forget my forever best friends - Petite, Risa and Arlene! I feel like I have to maximize my time with all of them… I have been through a lot during the last year, and these are the people who have been there for me, and fished me out from near self-destruction... Haha... When I get to OR, I will be with my team… One of them is a good friend, and yet, knowing how work can get pretty toxic over there, I’m pretty sure, it will just mostly be, me, myself and I…

Traveling didn’t use to get to me this much… But I guess people do change over time… But I don’t want to use desperate measures naman just so I can survive this upcoming ordeal… Let’s take for example one of my engineers… He is pulling in his wedding by more than half a year so he can bring his fiancée (by then, wife) with him… He said he couldn’t bear another assignment on his own…

A lot of my friends and family are telling me they envy me… You know, I have a fairly decent job that I like, and I get to travel to places I didn’t even dream of going to… But they don’t know what happens behind the scenes… They don’t know that I spend a lot of agonizing moments weighing all sorts of options..… There’s just way too many iterations… And most of the time, it’s hard to make decisions on what to give up… Because, always, you have to give up something… or someone… And I may be flippant about it most of the time, but actually nearing the brink of insanity is not far off from the truth…

I do have an option not to go. It’s a question of what’s more important at this moment…I remember a conversation I had with Johnnie a long time ago…

Johnnie: So what are the things that matter in ur life? What makes you really happy? What is the promise that you are holding on to? What is life for you?
Trixy: Sometimes, it's hard to discern what really matters in our lives... Sometimes we want to do all things at once. The curse of the go-getter or achiever, I believe. What makes me happy? That's an even harder question. A lot of things make me happy. But in the end, even if it seems it is against everything that I believe in and emulate, I'd want to be happy in the company of a good person who will accept me for who I am… take me - hook, line and sinker. At the end of each day, after I pack up my stuff and put my notebook to standby, I want to go home to someone.
Johnnie: Yes! It boils down to a "someone". "A person" who will eventually be the purpose in everything you do. And life will revolve around that!

'Twas a pretty harrowing Friday. Just got back from tutorial. Gawd, accounting is definitely for aliens!

So my day started with a nasty headache. Had to telecommute during the morning. I rushed to the office so I can make my 11AM net meeting. I discovered that I can make it to Cavite from Makati in 50 minutes, even during the day! And yes, I have mastered the skill of putting on make-up during slowdowns, while driving 80kph.

Anyway, I was in my desk 10 minutes before sked. But, that's where my luck ended. My network conked out on me. I logged off my system and of course, that didn't do it. I called in to the meeting by 11AM, my PC still not connected. By 11:05 I was rebooting my system. Voila, after like 10 minutes, I was in business. *By then, I had learned that the Business Analyst was 30 yrs old, married with a month old baby, and lived 5 miles down from his office in Chandler, AZ) After a couple of training foils, we moved to the "hands-on" session, guided by the BA on the other side of the world. Only to find out I have downloaded the wrong tool version because his peer gave me the wrong instructions. Shoot. Since we couldn't proceed without the tool, I had to reinstall. 1.5 hours later, the tool was still not downloaded. Network traffic. We did manage to get some training in by using his tool instead. So I didn't really get to do any hands-on. I just viewed while he did all the transactions. Tomorrow, I have to start doing my translations to see if they didn't miss anything out. Hopefully, remote access is not going to give me any headaches.

I still wasn't able to complete my SO action plans. Just grabbed a diet Coke and worked on it through "lunch". I managed to put something together in time for our planning session #2. 2PM I got a call. There was a product issue. Why do they always crop up on Fridays? Weekend na kaya. Alam ba nila kung anong ibig sabihin ng weekend?! Waah... I had to wait until my engineers finished initial investigation. By past five, they were already done. Good thing I have such efficient folks. So off I went. Then of course, everyone seems to be going North on Friday, and traffic was horrible in GMA. By the time I finally passed through the nightmare zone, I thought the worse was over. And then, a car hit my car while I was on a STOP! And he hit me hard, my dolphin ring cut my thumb. Not to mention I was so shaken. But God is still good, because the other driver was another blue-badge from the office. No, we did not know each other before. I never saw him until then. And I wished we could just have met each other in a traditional manner. After an exchange of names, I drove again. My accounting groupmate was already waiting for me in school because she was going with me for the tutorial. I was an hour late. It was almost 10PM when we arrived in Q.C. where my tutor lives. We finished the case by 12, with no dinner still.

The case is done now. And I'm supposed to be putting it in Powerpoint right now. But of course, blog beckons... :)

I'm ok now. I survived another car accident. My car looks like a canned sardine that has been mishandled during shipment. Yupi-yupi. I never got around to having the damage from my recent tricycle incident repaired. And now this. And I shouldn't forget that I need those brake pads repaired. Aarrggghhhh...........

Blog Addiction
I agree with you, Sieggy. Blogging is definitely the telebabad of the 80's and texting/chat in the 90's. Addictive? Hell, yes. Tons of ARs (Action Required) to do... 1 delinquent Management case, 3 Accounting cases to submit this Sat... Between PHI (product health indicator) submission, VF (virtual factory) competency assessment results to publish and SO (Strategic Objectives) action plans to formulate, I still manage to squeeze this in. Guess I have another long night ahead of me... Second in a row. My only consolation is, I don't have a 7AM phone con meeting tom. to get to.

Fax
Ain’t technology just great? I just discovered last night that I have a fax modem on my notebook (of more than 3 yrs!) and I can actually receive fax from another PC! Ok. I’m really an idiot hiding behind a geek’s mask. :P

Going
Time really flies fast... It's all becoming so real now... I've been signing travel authorizations.. processing the renewal of my passport... and visa processing will start as soon as I can get all those requirements in... Three more months, and I'll be packing my bags again. I didn't feel this way a couple of years ago. Sad. Apprehensive. Back then, it was just part of my routine. I've never stayed long enough anywhere to get attached. But it's different now. It's been exactly a year since I arrived in Manila from my last assignment. This is the longest I've been in one place since I started living a nomadic life 5 years ago. But it's not just the length of time. Now I have a home - this tiny condo unit filled with orange and green furniture and purple knick-knacks. My room was a witness to those sleepless nights I spent crying my heart out, my Piglet pillow dutifully absorbing all the tears. This is where I’ve discovered the real meaning of independence. This couch I'm sitting on is my official work space. This couch is where I've spent unforgettable moments while cramming on schoolwork (not necessarily mine). The previous times, I really wasn't leaving my family, because they already live oceans away, anyway. But now I've formed and renewed friendships with people I've spent a lot of time with, and who were with me when I felt the loneliest. They made me laugh… reflect on life... They are friends who’ve helped me as I healed from all the pain in the past. They are friends who are dear to me. Friends I love.

I may just be getting tired of living out of my suitcase. I may be a little scared of the new challenges coming my way. I may just be getting old. Whatever it is, for the first time, I dislike the idea of leaving. Because even when I was in Manila and not in some place outside our country, I've never really felt like I was home. So it never felt like I was actually leaving… I was just going somewhere… on and on.. It didn't matter to where. I was just drifting from one place to another. But now, I’ve actually stopped drifting long enough to be home once again, after a long time...

Gone Too Soon
The radio played *this* while I was blogging... Hah.

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon

PARTY-POOPER
I'm not supposed to be blogging right now... I do have a lot on my plate these days, and aarrggghhh... most of them paperwork (or whatever the heck we call those these days, because we don't actually produce paper copies anymore)! I think my notebook and I are having a love affair of sorts already... After all, "he" and I spend most of the day together... When I feel like "talking" to someone, and the rest of humankind are too busy battling their own demons, I just type away on my keyboard... blog... email... write... And now, my work is strengthening our relationship even further... Oh yeah, I do sleep with him sometimes... A few times, when I work offline late at night, I fall asleep, laptop at my side.. Ew! That sounded very pathetic. :)

So anyway, not that I am a party-pooper or anything, I just don't think GMA should keep declaring holidays. Not with our current economic situation. I mean, hello! Cost-cutting and downsizing are spreading like plague, and we definitely can't afford to lose more production hours.

P.S.
Thanks, Yano, for your constructive comment re my font. I will find time to work on this soon... btw, love your writings... Oh yeah, I'm definitely one of 'em fools :P

Ey, Mr. MVP , good job! We're so proud of you... CONGRATZ! *muah!*

A BEAUTIFUL MIND
“Nothing’s ever for sure… that’s the surest thing I know.” – Charles, answering Nash’s question on how would he know for sure that his girlfriend was the one he should marry…

Three things. The film is beautiful. Jennifer Conelly is beautiful. Russel Crowe is, oh, so beautiful! :P

Now that I have expressed my obvious admiration for Crowe (he had me at “Proof of Life… *sigh*), what I really wanted to say was that I was totally awed by this movie. I have always been fascinated by the wonders of the mind… How can a small part of our whole anatomy be so powerful to see, think, dream and discover so many things? The normal minds already intrigue me, as it is, how much more that of a genius?

Crowe (so un-Gladiator-like in this movie) stars as John Nash Jr., a handsome mathematical genius who won a Nobel Prize for Economics for his game theory (haha.. apparently discovered while discussing with his Princeton buddies what the best strategy is to pick up a blonde girl at the bar) also known as the “Nash equilibrium”. (Game theory: the game would be solved when every player independently chose his best response to the other players' best strategies). Nash is self-absorbed, arrogant, very competitive, and detached from the world around him; a geek in constant pursuit of mathematical solutions. But this movie is beyond that, it is also about a man who was so brilliant that it almost pushed his mind to its limit, making him see things that only he can see. The movie takes us into his life as a spy, showing us how he can crack military codes through mathematical patterns from newspaper/magazine articles. And the movie succeeded to jolt me with the realization that was all the workings of his beautiful mind. His life as he knew it began to crumble as he succumbed to paranoid schizophrenia --- ironically, a mental disorder so complex that it is barely understood. Nash, who was used to solving highly complex mathematical problems, couldn’t solve the problem of his mind. But ultimately, like most touching movies, this is also about a love so powerful that it defies all reasons… For a man who believed that the universe was rational, his salvation was the love of his beautiful wife, who stayed with him, eccentricities and all. It was the mysterious equations of love that helped him fight his disease and be well enough to live a semblance of the life he once knew.

John: Give me a proof that this relationship is a long-time thing…
Alicia: Proof? You want data? Ok. How big is the universe?
John: Infinite.
Alicia: How do you know? Have you seen it?
John: No.
Alicia: So how do you know?
John: I just believe.
Alicia: It’s the same with love. You just believe.

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY
March 8. This is the day when women all over the world commemorate several decades of struggle for equality and justice. Some may think that's so passé. Women are treated fairly and equally in these times. But are we really?

I grew up in a household of women (4 sisters, and 1 brother, the youngest - responsible for carrying the legacy of our family’s name, as dictated by our patriarchal society). I studied in an exclusive school for girls in elementary. Thus, I naively believed that girls rule, and that there is no such thing as inequality.

But, 1st taste of reality... high school... U.P.... where I learned about the things taught outside the four walls of the classroom. And who can beat first-hand experience? My best friends and I were all Citizens’ Army Training (C.A.T.) officers in our senior year. It was the first time in so many years that our school revived C.A.T and joined this annual review thingy (my memory fails me, but it's that competition between schools where actual military officers grade your unit’s performance based on certain criteria… Fudz, unsa gani tawag ato? :P). We were serious about making it. And so was our commandant. However, di namin akalain na aabot pala sa puntong halos ibugaw na kaming mga babaeng opisyal dun sa mga military officers na mag-re-review sa amin. We had a party and the review officers were invited. Our commandant was telling us to entertain these beer-bellied men, and sit with them. I remember crying after that party. I believed in playing fairly. Moreso, I believed in my dignity as a woman, as a person. We eventually did come out top in that review, beating the long-time winner. The worse thing is, I learned much later, that they (the officers of that other school) never believed in our victory. No matter how much sweat and effort we put into that activity, our credibility was marred just the same.

I’ve had other harrowing experiences through the years. Andiyang me stalker ako who expressed his obscene "admiration" thru SMS and email… To my dismay, I discovered that I was voted by our party to run in the University Student Council primarily because of “charm”, “looks” and "marketability". Buong akala ko ay dahil ito sa kakayahan ko bilang isang lider at dahil sa aking mga prinsipyo… Me naging manager ako na laging ako ang inuutusang kausapin ang aking mga counterpart sa U.S. at Malaysia pag kelangan naming ng tulong, dahil makukuha daw ito sa charm… At sabi pa niya, ang pagiging engineer daw ay trabahong panlalaki… Mas bagay daw sila doon sa laboratory at mag-debug ng mga problema… Tang ina! Hindi ba ako ay graduate din ng ECE, at pucha, di ko nakuha sa pag-papa-cute ang mga matataas kong marka!

It’s a good thing that I do not take all this sitting down. Years of experience and a strong foundation have taught me to stand up for what I believe in. And I believe in my worth, as a woman, as a person. It should never be equated with my outside appearance because my brain is definitely bigger than my breasts (to quote a line from that Joyce Jimenez movie… :P)…

And yeah, I long for that time when we will not have to celebrate “women’s day”. That is when we are truly victorious. After all, we don’t celebrate “men’s day”, right?

CTRL+D
I apologize. I deleted some parts to my blog entry yesterday. I honestly don't know why.

Anyway, I feel like thanking all my blog visitors.... (especially my regular "commentators"... hehe... Nic and Sieg, my new visitors and those who still leave messages in my board even when I have put up a commenting system...)

When I started, I only shared this site with my closest friends - folks who love and accept me for who I am. With them I know I can just be ME (eccentricities and all) and I will never have to worry about being judged, scorned or frowned upon...

Somehow, the circle grew... I never thought that strangers would even care what I think about or what I have to say.. Or maybe, like me, you just got sucked in to this whole new world, enchanted by the things learned/discovered each day from other people of different backgrounds, cultures, POVs... Or maybe there's a voyeur in each one of us... :P

Regardless of your reason, dear reader, thank you. Please come again. :)

BLURRY
"I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us, but that's not very far" - Blurry by Puddle of Mud

Any of you guys know what's the most cost-effective way of texting friends in the U.S.? Madz and I finally figured out how to text with each other (yey!) but Daisy told me there's sort of like an email service (SMART) chu-chu that we can use and it costs PHP2.50 per message... Leave me a note if you know what I'm talking about, k? Thnks! :)

I was just thinking...
Sometimes, no matter how excited I am about going off and doing something new, thinking about the future just scares me. I know. I can't let the thought of losing people paralyze me. But still, it's not everyday that you meet good people and they actually become a part of your life and just when you get used to having them around, you have to leave...:(

On a happy note...
My cousin, George, who's practically the same age as I, used to be called twins (same height, same profile and we both sing shamelessly for uncles and aunties)... She has been working as a nurse outside the country for almost three years, and we have not seen each other since way back. She arrived last Sunday from Cebu, stopping over to visit her future "in-laws" before she her flight back to the U.K. the following night. We managed to squeeze in lunch at Racks in Galleria, together her new boyfriend (her first real one, i might add) and with three other cousins (mom's side... we're a close bunch :P).. Oh, it was definitely good seeing and talking and laughing with her... Grabe. I miss those carefree days when we'd just ran about in our lola's lawn.. playing "buwan-buwan" (sorry, i dunno the tagalog translation, much more, english, if any). Aahh. I definitely have a lot of "back when we were children" stories I can tell my future grandchildren. When they (George, Harry the BF, Ian - our cousin) left for Pangasinan, the rest of us (Kuya John and Chanda) proceeded to The Podium to have coffee at Starbucks. Well, I love coffee (though I've been a Tazo drinker lately) and I like hanging out in that mall. It gives you the feel of New York or other urban cities like that. When you sit outside, you can see a few cars passing by (no smoke-belching buses, thank gawd!) with high-rise buildings in the background. And yeah, those cute yuppies wearing tie (yes, on a Sunday afternoon) and good pair of shoes add to the charm of this place :P

George finally went back to U.K. last night and was in the airport to bid her goodbye. It will be another three years before I will get a chance to see her. Gosh. Sad. After a million hugs and repeated cellphone calls until she was on the plane, we finally did get out of the airport, and to down our sorrows away, we proceeded to Malate and checked out this new videoke bar called Comic Lab (sister bar of Laffline). And the end result - a freakin' hangover the following morning! :P

FIVE
And today I turned five... Actually, the official date is March 3. Five years working in this company. Five exciting years, I might add. Five years ago I see a shy (ahem) promdi entering the Makati lobby, quite unsure what she was doing there in the first place. Five years ago, this girl was wondering why she had to experience working in a building that was still being constructed and located in a far away rural province to boot!, and she had to wear a hard hat, ugly goggles and steel-toe shoes (and say goodbye to anything fashionable, including open-toe slip-ons!), eat rice that was either half-cooked or "sunog" (overcooked till burned) in a makeshift cafeteria, pee in portalets (gross!) and commute back to Makati in a jeepney, then in a non-aircon bus, before reaching Pala-pala Junction where she can finally transfer to an airconditioned bus. Hah. I think I've definitely come a long way since then... :P

Milestones:
Friendships - I remember Sieg was one of the few brave souls who first befriended the shy (mwahaha), aloof (taray) me, and I'm definitely glad because we've been buds ever since! Through the years, I've formed strong friendships with several people as well. Right, Johnnie? :)
Travel - Barely a year into the job, I got to travel to Malaysia, then to the U.S., for the first of many. I had a chance to party, err, I mean work, in Costa Rica as well for ~6 months!! PURA VIDA!
Product generations - I started working in Cartridge in it's glorious days... Then I moved to work on Deschutes, Katmai, Tualatin, CuMine microprocessors... On to my next product...
Personal - Countless overtimes, overnights, on-call weekends (and several hundred cigarettes) later, I have no regrets. My experiences so far are as real as real life can get! I have grown up a lot in the last five years. It's not just about moving out of my childhood refuge and living on my own. It's the getting-to-where-I-want-to-be aspect of it. I'm still not there, but the things I've learned along the way, and meeting a lot of good people are part of the best events that happened in those years.

I never thought I'd last this long in this polluted, congested region (sorry, but I did grow up in warm, unpolluted, sunny Cebu). I mean, I didn't really come out here to conquer the world. I just wanted to be with the (then) love of my life. But a lot has changed since then. And yeah, I've made some conquests, albeit small, here and there. At least, I'd like to think so. Haha.

GIRL BONDING
Thet and Rochelle are both out of town. Cristina just came back from my beloved Cebu, but she promised to be with Karmina and I yesterday. Something came up, though, so she wasn’t able to make it (yet again, hehe..). So even if we missed the rest of the gang, we still had fun!

After car wash and brakes check-up, we proceeded to Ortigas. Had a late lunch in Pearl Drive, and ate my favorite Thai Bagoong Rice at Zuppa… Discovered they have delivery service in Makati! Yey, that is definitely a welcome addition to North Park and Pizza Hut :P

After a movie, we went malling at The Podium (nearby Megamall and St. Francis Square) later. Only a few shops, mostly high end, (and a bunch of cafes and restos) have opened. But that didn’t stop me from shopping! As part of my feel-good series of activities, I decided to buy eye shadow. See, the only make-up I wear are face powder and lipstick (and lip gloss). Keena and Rochelle sort of inspired me to start wearing eye shadow. I guess that wouldn’t really hurt, considering that, aahh, I’m really getting old. Risa’s birthday, and folks around me calling me “ate” (older sister) serves as an ugly reminder :P Like Risa said, well, we better get used to it. Hehe.

So off to Body Shop we went, and with Keena’s help, I chose an off-white base and a pink shade, and even if I didn’t plan on it, I also bought this glittery pink gloss.. :P And, while checking out the shops, I managed to get a new pair of black slip-ons in CMG. Very comfy pair. I still wasn’t able to find a red top, and almost bought myself a red skirt at Bayo, but nah, I don’t think I can pull that off.

We later indulged in our favorite – cheesecakes in Cheesecake, etc. The mango cheesecake is another winner… Ahh… nothing better than conversation with a good friend over coffee and cheesecake :)

SHALLOW HAL
“Everything is so perfect, it’s scary. But it’s good, though… to have so much to loose…” - Rosemary to Hal

The first thing I’d like to say is, there should be more movies like this. (After talking about make-up and shoes, I feel like such a hypocrite :P)… But really, we could all learn a thing or two about looking beyond people’s looks to appreciate their true beauty. I admit, that's really tough to do. As they said, media and society is hypnotizing us, making us gawk over physical attributes rather than goodness and personality. But indeed, if we allow ourselves, our brain will definitely see what our hearts feel. :)

P.S. Someone emailed me today and I realize I miss him gravely :-(

WORK
Call me crazy but I've been so bored lately because I'm having way too much fun... What can I say? All play and little (technical) work makes me a dull girl.. :) Anyway, after our planning session today, I have a bunch on my plate. I'm so excited! Even more excited than actually going off to work on my next product...

So anyways, was talking with the Xbox product owner this morning. In the middle of our discussion about my current product's health, future builds, he goes...

MG: Do you own an Xbox?
Trixy: I'm not really a gamer... I did own a PS1 like four years ago.. (hah.. and it's gone because one of my ex's claimed it was joint property and he wanted to have it. ok.)
MG: I'm not a gamer myself... Well, I was. 15 yrs ago! But see I have a 6-yr old daughter and we rented HALO in Blockbuster the other day.. Cool game! It's so much fun!
Trixy: Hhmm.. Maybe I should buy one when I get there this July...
MG: Yeah, you should... Xbox was my baby, you know... And it's a really good product!
Trixy: Of course, it's my product, too! I can probably spare a few hundred dollars...

Yep.. That's a geeky conversation right there. Haha.

Heard *this song* for the 1st time today... This should be every girl's anthem!! Anyway, happy birthday (tom.) to my other best friend - Ris a.k.a. Laryang! Muah!!

Video
by India Arie

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows
I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen

I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be Trixy (italics, mine... hehehe...)

When I look in the mirror the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know our creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes I'm lovin' what I see

Am I less of a lady If I don't wear panty hose?
My Mama says a lady ain't what she wears but what she knows
But, I've drawn a conclusion, it's all an illusion
confusion's the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception
Something's gotta change
Don't be offended this is all my opinion
ain't nothing that I'm sayin law
This is a true confession of a life-learned lesson
I was sent here to share wit ya'll

So get in where you fit in
go on and shine
Free your mind, now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go head and love yourself
Cuz everything's gonna be all right